#1 Do you know the worst part of being me? #2 I should imagine your breath.
#1 Do you like me? #2 You’re cute. #1 I know that! but do you like me?
#1 Does Arthur know your here? #2 No, Arthur is to fine a person to be involvedin something as devious as this.
#1 It’s thrilling to meet you Gloria. #2 Hi. #1 Yes, you obviously have a wonderful economy with words Gloria. I look forward to your next syllable with great eagerness.
#1 Mr. Bach, how good to see you. #2 Oh, if only someone I knew felt that way. Ha Ha Ha Ha!
#1 So how rich are you? #2 All I can tell you is…I wish I had a dime for every dime I have!
#1 Thanks. Where is my roll? #2 I’m having it monogramed. Take it easy.
#1 Unfortunately every time you have an erection it makes the papers. #2 Goodness, I sound like a dime novel.
#1 We have your regular table Mr. Bach. #2 I know you have it, but is anyone sitting at it! Ha Ha Ha Ha!
#1 Thanks. Where is my roll? #2 I’m having it monogramed. Take it easy.
#1. I don’t like your drinking, Arthur. It makes you indecisive. #2. You might be right, I can’t decide.
(Name), I don’t see any reason for prolonging this conversation, unless you plan on knocking over a fruit stand later. [turns to second party] Good luck in prison.
(Name), I don’t see any reason for prolonging this conversation…unless you’re planning on knocking over a fruit stand later. [Turns to third person] Good luck in prison.
(playing the piano and singing): If you knew Susie, like I knew Susie…oh, oh, I need a drink.
(to 1) I’ll be with you in a minute (to 2) Is he with us?
(to the moose) This is a tough room…but I dont have to tell you that.
– Except, for fish. Fish all bathe together. Athough they do tend to eat one another…I often think: Fish must get awfully tired of seafood. What are your thoughts,Hobson???
– Yes, Bathing is a lonely business….. do your armpits
— It’s thrilling to meet you, Gloria.
— Yes, you obviously have a wonderful economy with words Gloria. I look forward to your next syllable with great eagerness
–I’m going to take a bath.
–I’ll alert the media.
1) Do you mind if I kiss you?
2) Oh, I wish you would.
1) (he walks past her and kisses his horse) I wasn’t talking to you!
1) Hobson, do you know what I’m going to do? 2) No, I don’t. 1) I’m going to take a bath. 2) I’ll alert the media.
1) How much does it cost to ride the subway? 2) Sixty cents, but if you spit there’s a $500 fine. 1) Then I won’t spit. 2) Good!
1) It just makes you sick. He gets all that money, and he repays his family with this? By being a drunk, it’s enough to make you sick. 2) I really wouldn’t know, sir. I’m just a servant. On the other hand, go screw yourself.
1) Look, she’s stealing that tie! Women don’t wear ties! It’s the perfect crime… well, not the perfect crime, but it’s a very good crime. 2) If she murdered the tie, it would be a perfect crime.
1) That’s Arthur Bach isn’t it? Tell me, is there something wrong with him? 2)… Yes.
1) What should I wear? 2) Steal something casual. 1) (to a third person) I like him. 2) Likewise, I’m sure.
1) Where the hells my hat? 2) It’s on the floor. 1) I HATE it when that HAPPENS!
1) You look awful. 2) That’s because you’ve never seen me sober.
1)Allow me to introduce myself. I am Arthur! 2) I’m Gloria. 1) I am Arthur! 2) Yeah, yeah what are you drinking? 1) Scotch. Would you like some? 2) Why not? 1) You’re with me and you have to ask that question?
1. Would you like to draw my bath 2. It’s what I live for. Perhaps you’d like me to wash your d*** for you, you little sh**
1. Yes, Bathing is a lonely Business. 2.Except, for fish. Fish all bathe together. Athough they do tend to eat one another…I often think: Fish must get awfully tired of seafood. What are your thoughts….
1. (Crying) He’s taking the knife out of the cheese! Do you think he wants some cheese? 2. (Crying) I think we’re going to die
1. It’s very little. 85 cents in a cab from one end of the country to the other. I’m talking small. 2. We understand its small, Arthur. 1. They recently had the whole country carpted. This is not a big place!
1. We’re going to be like one of those poor couples on the subway…we’ll hold hands. How much *is* the subway? 2. sixty cents, but if you spit its a five hundred dollar fine. 1. Then…I *won’t* spit. 2. Good. None of the best people do.
1. What are you doing tomorrow night? 2. I don’t know…oh, I have plans for tomorrow night. What should I wear? 3. Steal something casual.
1/_Bitterman! Do you want to double your salary!?
1/_Then open that door!
1: A real woman could stop you from drinking.
2: It’d have to be a real BIG woman.
1: girls don’t wear ties, it’s the perfict crime … although some do it’s not the perfict crime but its a good crime. 2:Yes, if she murdered the tie it would be a perfict crime.
I’ve taken the liberty of anticipating your condition; and I’ve brought you orange juice, coffee, and aspirins, or do you need to throw up?
May I come in? If you and your undershirt would walk two paces backward, I could enter this dwelling.
A real woman would stop you from drinking.
Yes, a real big woman.
A) Are you a father? B) Who, me?! No, I’m a drunk!
A) Are you someone’s father? B) Me? No! I’m a drunk!
A) Grow up (name), you’d make a fine adult. B) That’s easy for you to say – you haven’t got 50 pairs of short pants hanging in your closet!
A) I don’t drink. I feel it affects your decision-making. B) You may be right – I can’t decide.
A) I don’t drink. I think drinking affects your decision-making. B) You may be right. I can’t decide.
A) It’s the PERFECT crime – girls don’t wear ties! Although some do, it’s not the perfect crime, but it’s a good crime. B) Yes, if she’d have murdered the tie, it would have been the perfect crime.
A) My mother died when I was 6. My father raped me when I was 12. B) So, you had 6 relatively good years.
Ahh your a hedge!!!!!
Are these polish girls?
Are you a hooker? god i forgot,i thought i was just doing really well with you
Are you sure you want to be a stand up comic???
Aren’t waiters wonderful? You ask them for things and they bring them. Same principal as Santa Claus.
Arhtur: Bitterman, I fell out of the gotdamn car! Bitterman, i fell out of the gotdamn car, isn’t that the funniest thing ever!
Arthur to Linda: What are you doing here and why are you talking like that?
Arthur, take my hand?
But that will leave you with only one.
Arthur, this is important; there are three books…take them back to the library — [pretends to die].
Arthur: Hot bathes are wonderful.Hobbson: Yes, Arthur do your arm pits. Arhtur: Girls are WONDERFUL! Hobbson: Yes, imagine how wonderful a girl who bathes would be, get dressed.
Arthur: I’m going to take a bath.
Butler: I’ll alert the media.
Arthur: What’s that? Salesman: It’s a fern. You need five.
Bathing is a lonely business… except for fish.
Bitterman….would you like to run my bath?
It’s what I live for.
Dad, he’s a millionaire.
You have my permission to marry him.
Do you have any objection to naming a child Vladimir, even if it’s a girl?
Do you want anything?
I want to be younger
sorry, it’s your job to be older.
Don’t you hate Perry’s wife??
Don’t you wish you were me? I know I do!
engine room where’s my drink?
exuse me,did you say,exept for fish?
Fool Me Again.
FORGET THE MOOSE!
Girls, Girls, Girls. hello girls!
Girls, girls, girls…Hello girls! Will the more attractive of you please step forward.
Good afternoon. If you and your undershirt will take two paces backwards, I could enter this dwelling.
Good luck in prison.
Grow up Arthur. You’d make a fine adult. That’s easy for you to say, you don’t have 50 pairs of short pants hangin’ in your closet.
Grow up, Arthur, it would look good on you.
That’s easy for you to say, you don’t have 50 pairs of short pants in your closet.
Ha, Haa… Sometimes I just think funny things!
Have you seen a doctor? Yes…and he has seen me.
He’s taking the knife out of the cheese! Do you think he wants some cheese?!
He’s taking the knife out of the cheese. Do you think he wants some cheese?!
Here, look at this book. There are many pictures.
hes taking the knife out of the cheese,do you think he wants some cheese?
Hobson,will you run my bath for me?
It is what I live for. Perhaps you would like me to come and there and wash your dick for you, you little shit.
Hooker: My mother died when I was six.
Arthur: Son of a bxtch! Don’t they know what they do to kids?
Hooker: My father raped me when I was twelve.
Arthur: So you’ve had six relatively good years.
How do you feel about getting married, Arthur?
(singing): Blue moon, you saw me standing alone……
I don’t drink because drinking affects your decision-making.
You might be right, I can’t decide.
I fell out of the car, did you see that Bitterman I fell out of the damn car. Isn’t that the funniest thing you have ever seen?
I have the weekend off and i am my own boss
I knew I’d find you here! He just loves that stinky old horse.
I like a living room I can land a plane in.
I need an aspirin. You will find it in the bathroom cabinet on the left, behind the untouched shaving cream.
I often wonder… fish must get awfully tired of seafood. What are your thoughts (name)?
I race cars, play tennis, fondle women, have the weekends off and I am my own boss.
I was in the neighborhood. It took me two buses, three cabs and a train to get into the neighborhood, but what the hell.
I’ll alert the media.
I’m going to have another drink, would you like another fish?
If you and your undershirt would take two steps backward, I could enter this dwelling.
Isnt this fun!!! Isnt fun the best thing to have!!?? Dont you wish you were me?? I know I do
It’s called Woman Admiring Pearls…the dealer jerked me around on the price, but I figured, what the hell, you only live once.
It’s Only Love.
Linda: Do you promise to love, honor, obey, and be a good boy? Arthur: I do. Do you promise never to put that stuff on my face?
Linda: When I was a little girl I used to think that the moon was following me.
Linda: Wouldn’t it be funny if he called me?
Marry Susan, Arthur, and cheat with the nobody from Queens.
my doctor has advised me that I must drink 10 of these an hour.
MY HUSBAND HAS A GUN! I’m sure he does madam. For all I know he shot it while you scream.
offer to take my coat
but your not wearing a coat
Alright then offer to take my tie
Offer to take my hat? You don’t have a hat. Then offer to take my tie!
On second thought, go screw yourself.
Perhaps you’d like me to come in there and wash your dick.
perhaps you’d like me to wash your dick! you little shit.
Perhpas you’d like me to come in there and wash your dick.
Poor Rich Boy.
She really is quite beautiful when the light hits her just right. Of course, you can’t depend on that light.
She stole a tie! It’s the perfect crime, women don’t wear ties!
So, tell me about yourself Gloria. My Mother died when I was six. My Father raped me when I was 12.
So, you had six relatively good years.
Steal something casual.
Susan, iâ€™m going to have another drink, do you want another fish?
Susan, you’re such an a$$hole. Not all of us drink because we’re poets. Some of us drink because we’re NOT poets.
Tell me has there been a death in your family? This is funny stuff here.
Tell your story walking before I call a cop.
This one’s a goner.
Through the park Bitterman, you know how I love the park
We have cocaine, marijuana, vodka, gin and some prune Danish.
What are you into? V.D. I’m really into penicillin.
Where were you when I was selling cars?
Where’s the rest of this moose?
Whereâ€™s the rest of this moose?
Why would Arthur marry a dog?!
Would the more attractive of you please step forward.
Would you please get two aspirins for me? You’ll will find them on the top shelf of the medicine cabinet, right next to the unused shaving cream.
You must have really hated this moose.
You purchased a choo-choo?
You’re a hooker? Jesus, I forgot! I just thought I was doing GREAT with you!
You’re a scary old broad, Martha.
You’re the only woman…at this table
[with his drink on his plate] I’ll have another drink, would you like another fish?
Page Topic: Movie Quotes from ‘Arthur’: Quotes from the movie ‘Arthur’