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Crude Pick up lines: Some Rated R, rude, crude and blunt and sexual pickup lines and chat up lines.
Visitors have been submitting their own funny pickup lines on the main pickup line page but we try to keep most of this site PG, and there are some we haven’t wanted to post on the funny pick up lines and chat up lines page. So we made this page, for more crude, rude, blunt, adult, mature, sexual and inapropriate pick up lines. We still may not post all of your pick up line comments, but this will have some of the ones that were a bit much for the main pick up line page.
So warning- some of these pick up lines may be offensive, rude, crude, or bluntly sexual. If you are easily offended or too young for this, please stop now.
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164 Responses to “Crude Pick up lines: Some Rated R, rude, crude and blunt and sexual pickup lines and chat up lines.””
COMMENT (Not all comments are approved, including rude comments and those with strong language).
Section: Online Dating Jokes
Next: Rules for Guys Around Women: How Men Score and Losing Points in the Relationshiop Game >>
Previous: << Funny Pick Up Lines: Vote for Your favorite funny pickup lines.
January 31st, 2008 at 1:28 pm
you want my number? You Just Have Too Come Back Too My Place So I Can Bend Over And Get My Fone!!..x..
January 31st, 2008 at 1:31 pm
i wish i was your math homework because then i’d be hard and you’d be doing me on your desk
January 31st, 2008 at 1:31 pm
Im not too good at algabra but U + I = 69
January 31st, 2008 at 1:34 pm
Hi. Do you have any fruit?
because my friend over there said you looked like you had a really nice juicy pair.
February 3rd, 2008 at 12:28 am
guy: i was thinking, we could go back to my house order some pizza and then have sex
girl: no
guy: what u dont like pizza?
is ur dad a lumberjack cuz u just gave me wood
February 4th, 2008 at 6:35 pm
UR HOT
February 4th, 2008 at 11:59 pm
hi.im an astronaut, and my next mission is to explore uranus.
if i flip a coin, what do you reckon my chances of getting head?
if you think Chewbacca is hairy wait till you see my wookie:]
the word of the day is legs, lets say we head back to your place and spread the word.
February 5th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
did you just fart because you just blew me away
my love for you is like diarrhea. it runs forever.
February 12th, 2008 at 5:04 pm
Hey baby, how about we do some maths? We’ll subtract our clothes, I’ll divide my legs and we can multiply ;)
February 12th, 2008 at 5:04 pm
Lets be honest, i want 2 F*** your brains out.
February 12th, 2008 at 5:05 pm
i have a dictionary in my pants.
let’s say we go back to my place and put some words in your mouth.
February 12th, 2008 at 5:05 pm
I’d walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue.
Im good at math, me + you = 69
Im like domino’s pizza, if I dont come in 30 minutes the next one is free.
Lets kiss like Australians, its just like french kissing only you go down under.
February 12th, 2008 at 5:11 pm
hi.im an astronaut, and my next mission is to explore uranus.
if i flip a coin, what do you reckon my chances of getting head?
if you think Chewbacca is hairy wait till you see my wookie:]
the word of the day is legs, lets say we head back to your place and spread the word.
February 14th, 2008 at 6:34 pm
holy sh*t.
this is dirty stuff.
February 16th, 2008 at 12:04 pm
Are you a farmer? cuz u sure know how to raise a cock.
February 20th, 2008 at 4:18 pm
u sure look like a treasure 2 me. now prove it. show me ur chest.
February 27th, 2008 at 6:18 pm
ifi was gay i wouldnt be all over you
March 3rd, 2008 at 11:38 am
u must be a general cuz my privates are at attention
March 11th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
ok this isn’t a pickup line but take off your clothes I’ll spread my legs and let’s get busy
March 13th, 2008 at 1:54 am
guy:do you like to dance
girl:yeah why
guy: ok well go over there and dance so i can talk to your friend
March 16th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
if you were a book you would be considered FINE PRINT
March 17th, 2008 at 6:34 pm
hey nice shoes…wanna f****?
March 17th, 2008 at 11:43 pm
guy asks girl
did u no the human body has 206 bones??
girl: yes
guy: how would u like another ?
March 21st, 2008 at 11:26 pm
im like taco bell i’ll spice up your night
March 24th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
Giggidy giggidy giggidy giggidy let’s have sex!
March 24th, 2008 at 8:03 pm
if you were a buger i would pick you first
March 24th, 2008 at 8:05 pm
wwwweeeeeee oooooohhhhhh wwwwwweeeeee ooohhh wwwwweeeeee ooooohhhhhhhh whats that you say its the police comming why u ask you just stole my heart away.
March 27th, 2008 at 6:46 am
hey baby, do u work at subway? Cuz u just gave me a footlong
Is ur shirt felt? Do u want it to be?
What has 148 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk? My zipper!!!
March 27th, 2008 at 6:59 pm
Baby,
Did you know that there are over 500 muscles in the body?
Want another one?
March 27th, 2008 at 7:02 pm
Baby, are you in a car cause you driving threw my mind
March 27th, 2008 at 7:04 pm
Guy: Girl, are you from tennessee?
Girl: No, why?
Guy: Cause your the only 10 i see.
March 31st, 2008 at 4:21 am
Guy: What is your ethnic background?
Girl: I have a bit of Irish and French in me. Guy: do you want a bit of Australian in you?
April 6th, 2008 at 7:40 am
My magic watch says you don’t have on any underwear. (Yes I do) damn! It must be 15 minutes fast!
Nice legs. What time do they open?
How about you sit down on my lap and we talk about the first thing that pops up?
April 11th, 2008 at 5:17 pm
Let’s get some eggs and butter. After that lets get busy!
April 17th, 2008 at 6:16 pm
is there a mirror in your pocket? Cause i can see myself in your pants!
April 18th, 2008 at 12:36 am
how much does a polar bear weigh.
enough to break the ice
April 18th, 2008 at 3:33 pm
Are you free tonight or will it cost me?
May 5th, 2008 at 9:03 am
shoot these lines are good
June 19th, 2008 at 11:35 am
How do you like your eggs in the morning, scrambled or fertillized?
June 22nd, 2008 at 5:29 am
Guy: have you tripped over a tree stump?
Girl: no
Guy: how bout a root?
June 22nd, 2008 at 5:30 am
INTERCOURSE!!!
June 22nd, 2008 at 5:34 am
Would you like to pat my shnowzer? Then we can play with my dog
June 22nd, 2008 at 6:07 pm
this is some good stuff lol
July 1st, 2008 at 5:54 pm
i lost my teddy bear
can i sleep with u
July 6th, 2008 at 8:10 am
is you heart in the middle can isee it? i have no more eggs at home can i have yours?!
July 31st, 2008 at 12:09 am
tell the girl that she would look good with 150 extra lbs on her and then say ME
July 31st, 2008 at 2:41 am
* lick your finger and place it on the person*
lets get you outta these wet clothes
August 21st, 2008 at 3:36 pm
What do you say we go back to my room and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply.
September 5th, 2008 at 3:12 am
Are You from the flintstones
because i can make your bed rock
September 5th, 2008 at 10:45 am
i wish i could rearrange the alphabet so i could put U and I together
September 10th, 2008 at 11:23 am
my lips hurt…. will u kiss um better????
September 15th, 2008 at 8:56 pm
like bacon? wanna strip?
September 18th, 2008 at 6:20 am
I’m an FBI agent (Fine Body Inspector) and I’m gonna have to ask you to assume the position.
Sex is like pizza, even when it’s bad, it’s still pretty darn good!!!!
hehe
October 15th, 2008 at 2:28 pm
Your right leg is like Thanksgiving and your left leg is like Christmas. Can I visit between the holidays?
October 15th, 2008 at 2:29 pm
Guy says: Do you sleep on your stomach?
Girl says: yes or no (doesn’t matter)
Guy sayd: Can I?
November 19th, 2008 at 2:57 am
My name is (insert name)…. now remeber that coz u will be screeming it later
December 2nd, 2008 at 8:42 am
Are you made from some cement? Because you make me hard
December 5th, 2008 at 8:09 am
do you live near an airport?
Coz my hearts about to take off ;)
December 13th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
If I’m a pain in your arse, we can just add more lube !
December 15th, 2008 at 7:23 pm
How tall am i?
then you say, ” dont be checking me out”
December 16th, 2008 at 8:18 am
sex please
December 16th, 2008 at 3:31 pm
Why don’t you get down on your knees and smile like a doughnut?
Can I touch your belly button…from the inside?
December 17th, 2008 at 8:44 pm
Do you know karate? Cos damn it honey, your body is really kickin.
December 19th, 2008 at 1:08 am
you look like a bad girl looking for a good time
December 19th, 2008 at 1:09 am
will you help me find my lost puppy,,, it ran into that cheap hotel room across the street
December 19th, 2008 at 1:10 am
i lost my number can i have yours
December 19th, 2008 at 1:11 am
should i call you in the morning or should i just wake you up
December 19th, 2008 at 1:18 am
are your legs like peanut butter… you know like spread
December 19th, 2008 at 1:21 am
you’d look good in my portfolio thats it
December 19th, 2008 at 1:22 am
were you in band,, cuz it looks like you could slide a trombone
December 24th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
is there a wrench in my pants or am i glad to see you!!
all i want for christmas is you in my bed!
January 13th, 2009 at 7:30 am
Did you wash your pants with Windex? Cuz i can see myself in them.
Can I borrow 35 cents? My mother told me to call her when i fell in love.
Do you believe in love @ first site or should i walk by again?
Are you wearing Space Underwear? Cuz your ass is out of this world!
January 28th, 2009 at 1:09 pm
Do u like chocolate … well pull down ur snickers and ill give u a boost !
January 29th, 2009 at 8:48 pm
are those space jeans cause your butt is out of this world
February 11th, 2009 at 10:54 am
do you play basketball because i would love to dunk on your rack
March 14th, 2009 at 7:34 pm
If you were my guitar, I’d hit your G string all night!
You like games? How about you come to my place and play with my joystick all night!
I’m like a Rubix cube. The more you play with me, the harder I get!
March 17th, 2009 at 10:57 am
I’ve got a sweet hole for your stiff pole.
I’ll give you a nickel if you tickle my pickle.
March 18th, 2009 at 10:12 pm
Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
March 20th, 2009 at 9:03 am
woow
March 21st, 2009 at 6:56 pm
guy: YOU LIKE pep ralleys
girl: yeah
guy:well lets have one in my pants
March 21st, 2009 at 7:02 pm
your love is like a river that makes me shiver your eyes are like gold it is precious to hold your legs are like ice cream that is smooth so lets get some burgers and grt busey
April 8th, 2009 at 8:17 am
Do you have a mirror in your pocket?, because I can see myself in your pants.
April 9th, 2009 at 8:42 am
Want to play house? You can be the door and I’ll slam you.
You know, I was a soldier, if you want I can show you what it was like. I’ll take cover and you can blow the shit out of me.
April 9th, 2009 at 8:46 am
If you think I look good now, wait until you see me sweating at your place.
( put two fingers together and slowly start putting space between them) Smile when you’d be satisfied ( when you get to about eight inches apart) Ooo, you’re a greedy bitch.
Sex for fifteen minutes is like running a mile. I could use the excersize.
April 9th, 2009 at 6:39 pm
do you work at at&t because baby your raising my BAR
April 9th, 2009 at 6:40 pm
excuse me i cant find my treasure can i look in your chest
April 9th, 2009 at 6:41 pm
Im like a rubix cube. The more you play with me the harder i get!!!!
April 9th, 2009 at 6:43 pm
il pump up the patry
April 17th, 2009 at 9:45 pm
Do you have 5 dollars cuz i have a footlong.
Lets pretend youre a pile of rocks and im a bulldozer so i can plow you.
Your hot can I rail you?
Hey you give me a chubby.
April 21st, 2009 at 7:45 am
Sit on my face i’ll guess your weight
April 22nd, 2009 at 3:29 pm
let’s count shoulders (touch your left, right, her left, her right.) 1, 2, 3, 4!
My penis stopped breathing, can you do CPR?
What has 142 teeth, and holds back the Incredible Hulk? My Zipper.
April 29th, 2009 at 5:07 pm
I’m looking for a cave to put my treasure in and
out. can i put my in your?
Their are lots of beautiful beaches, but u r the only one i go in.
I AM THE MAN JOKE!
May 8th, 2009 at 7:47 am
as long as i have a face you will always have a place to sit
June 13th, 2009 at 11:27 am
Guy:Hey there, where have you been all my life?
Girl: In Hiding!
June 20th, 2009 at 6:52 pm
get ur rat out
July 10th, 2009 at 11:17 pm
congratulations girl, you just won a free night to spend with me
July 17th, 2009 at 5:59 pm
Is that a Mirror in your pocket? cuz I see me in your pants.
July 31st, 2009 at 10:34 am
is your name jacob coz ur a wee cracker
September 3rd, 2009 at 8:10 am
Wanna see my toolbox? We can go nuts and screw or you can handle my power drill …
If I’m Ali Baba, will you let me into your cave if I say ‘Open Sesame’?
If I’m Aladdin, will you let me rub your lamps?
If you’re Cleopatra, show me your pyramids and I’ll show you my obelisk …
If you’re Helen of Troy, wanna ride my Trojan horse?
September 25th, 2009 at 4:32 pm
Is that a keg in ur pants cuz i wanna tap that ass
October 16th, 2009 at 6:27 am
nice legs when do they open?
October 18th, 2009 at 6:14 pm
women are like beer, their loads of fun, but only last a certain amount of time
November 5th, 2009 at 3:50 am
women are like tornados, they suck and blow and after all thats done ur house is gone, ur car is gone and ur money is gone.
November 6th, 2009 at 4:50 am
Go out with me or die
November 12th, 2009 at 7:18 pm
if you know the song im going to rock and roll all night… by KISS this is how tha rythm goes
im gonna rock the bed all night and sleep every day
then say do you like that plan if so heres my number i free any time then blw a kiss
November 17th, 2009 at 6:11 am
Can I touch your belly-button…..from the inside?
December 9th, 2009 at 5:37 pm
Get in the van
January 1st, 2010 at 11:36 pm
Can i hit you from the back with my subway
January 12th, 2010 at 9:44 pm
r u vacuum cleaner because i heard you suck blow and get layed in the closet
January 22nd, 2010 at 8:41 pm
HAHAHAHAAHAH! get in the van
January 28th, 2010 at 2:31 pm
the names bond unibond im here to fill your crack
February 13th, 2010 at 3:56 pm
Whats the difference between a porsche and an erection..? i dont have a porsche.
February 18th, 2010 at 10:35 am
nice ass, can i wear it as a hat
February 26th, 2010 at 6:03 pm
whats the diference between a ferrai and dead prostetute u wont find a ferrai in my garage
March 9th, 2010 at 2:17 pm
wow that was sexy,
wanna bang?
March 24th, 2010 at 4:57 pm
if u were a car door, i’d slam u all night long!!
March 26th, 2010 at 2:35 pm
hello my name is pinocchio come and sit on my face and i will tell you lies
April 1st, 2010 at 10:46 am
Gee… those are some nice legs… when do they open?
April 4th, 2010 at 9:18 pm
You know what my mind and pants have in common, I cant get you out of either of them.
April 9th, 2010 at 2:10 am
im the pencil and u can be the sharpener
April 17th, 2010 at 5:21 am
Get in the Van!
May 2nd, 2010 at 11:38 am
Lets intergrate together, so i can be the area under your curves.
If you were cosx and i was sinx together we could be 1
Your sweeter than 3.141592(pi)
if i keep halving the distance between our lips, will we ever meet? no? let me prove your theory wrong.
If i were an enzyme i’d be helicase so i could unzip your genes.
May 6th, 2010 at 4:19 pm
im no weather man but you can expect more than a few inches tonight!
May 6th, 2010 at 4:20 pm
wanna 68 thats were you go down on me then i owe you 1
May 6th, 2010 at 4:23 pm
hey baby why dont you come over to MYSPACE so i can TWITTER your YAHOO until you GOOGLE all over my FACEBOOK!
May 6th, 2010 at 4:24 pm
i heard you were lookin for a stud well i have the std the only thing that is missin is u
May 7th, 2010 at 12:06 am
how about you pay my tab and ill screw you in return
May 23rd, 2010 at 8:10 am
damn thee r some good lines here, and thats comin from a girl, so u will kno that they work(DONT USE THE NERDY ONES THEY’RE WEIRD)
May 25th, 2010 at 9:18 am
Is that a wrench in my pants or am I just happy to see you ;)
May 26th, 2010 at 2:43 pm
Are your parents retarded,because you seem pretty special.
May 26th, 2010 at 2:46 pm
Are you a pokemon, because I wanna peek-at-chu.
June 6th, 2010 at 7:12 pm
hi my name is….(nametag)
Niel Anblowme
June 9th, 2010 at 10:24 pm
If we were both squirrels, would you let me bust a nut in your hole?!
July 6th, 2010 at 1:48 pm
I like your hair… it’d look real good in my crotch.
July 9th, 2010 at 5:21 pm
is your name gillete cos your looking sharp
July 9th, 2010 at 5:22 pm
can i borrow your libary card cause i wanna check you out
July 9th, 2010 at 5:23 pm
can i take your picture , i wanna show santa what i want for xmas
July 9th, 2010 at 6:25 pm
Was u mother a weight lifter ? Girl no why, becouse she must been to have a dumbell like you
July 11th, 2010 at 3:25 pm
excuse me ur standing on my penis
July 14th, 2010 at 4:59 pm
I might be a bit premature in saying this, but you’ve got the prettiest face I’ve ever come across!
July 14th, 2010 at 9:19 pm
Hey Baby, wanna see my telescopic double?
July 31st, 2010 at 12:58 am
those are some of the best ive seen for such a long time and damn they are good….also coming from a girl they sure as hell will work, most of the ;)
August 14th, 2010 at 10:06 am
Is your dad a baker ? coz you got nice buns*
September 11th, 2010 at 9:02 am
guy; there seems to be something wrong with my phone?
girl; why whats up with it?
guy; it doesnt have your number in it
September 12th, 2010 at 10:10 pm
pooopoo
September 13th, 2010 at 3:38 am
What can wink and #%@& like a tiger? …..;-)
Do you have a keg in those pants cause id really like to tap that ass.
October 23rd, 2010 at 5:27 pm
Lol
October 26th, 2010 at 1:55 pm
Guy: Can i see your phone?
Girl hands the guy her phone and askes why?
Guy: i want to see if it has this new app on it.
Girl : ya whats that?
Guy: My number. (;
November 4th, 2010 at 9:52 pm
that shirt is very becoming on you, but if i were on you id becoming too
November 5th, 2010 at 3:44 am
Hey bimbo!Let’s play sardines!I’ll bring the oil!
November 11th, 2010 at 11:30 pm
Hey babe, Can I land my plane on your landing strip?
November 14th, 2010 at 3:27 pm
your my favorite midnight snack
November 20th, 2010 at 10:32 am
i hope you know CPR cos u take ma breath away
loool…and some of these are well weird guys
ahaha x
November 22nd, 2010 at 2:35 pm
that shirt would look great on the floor next to my bed
January 8th, 2011 at 8:02 am
I may be short, but it ain’t my feet holding me up ;]
January 17th, 2011 at 4:48 am
Its late, you’ll do.
January 17th, 2011 at 4:49 am
Hey there, I didnt mean to stare at you from across the room. Its just that you look so familiar….have i done you before?
February 8th, 2011 at 10:42 am
IS YOUR DAD A TERRORIST?
NO WHY?
COZ UR THE BOMB
February 17th, 2011 at 6:29 am
Hey there does this cocktail napkin smell like clorophorm?
March 2nd, 2011 at 9:05 pm
Do you belive in energy conservation?
*Yes or No (doesn’t matter)
I see, Well think of it this way, how would you feel if someone turned you on and then left.
*Bad
Then don’t leave me.
March 8th, 2011 at 5:00 pm
you no what i like most in a girl
no what?
my bone
March 18th, 2011 at 11:33 pm
Nice pants!
July 4th, 2011 at 8:20 pm
How do you like your eggs in the morning?…Fertilized :)
July 18th, 2011 at 1:54 pm
lol, dunno ;)