When they see me holding fish, they can see that I am comfortable with kings as well as with paupers. – Imelda Marcos

Our whole constitutional heritage rebels at the thought of giving government the power to control men’s minds. – Thurgood Marshall

The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary. – H. L. Mencken

Under democracy, one party always devotes its chief energies to trying to prove that the other party is unfit to rule -and both commonly succeed, and are right. – H. L. Mencken

In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican. – H. L. Mencken

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives. – John Stuart Mill

The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself. – John Stuart Mill

A recent conversation: Dubya: Look at the clock, time is racing! Cheney: That’s the second hand, George. – Dennis Miller

You have not converted a man because you have silenced him. – John Morley

The reason there are so few female politicians is that it is too much trouble to put makeup on two faces. – Maureen Murphy

Turn on to politics, or politics will turn on you. – Ralph Nader

Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote. – George Jean Nathan

My hope is that 10 years from now, after I’ve been across the street at work for a while, they’ll all be glad they gave me that wonderful vote. – Sandra Day O’Connor

It is difficult to discern a serious threat to religious liberty from a room of silent, thoughtful schoolchildren. – Sandra Day O’Connor

It is a measure of the framers’ fear that a passing majority might find it expedient to compromise 4th Amendment values that these values were embodied in the Constitution itself. – Sandra Day O’Connor

We hold that the reckless disregard for human life implicit in knowingly engaging in criminal activity known to carry a grave risk of death represents a highly culpable mental state that may be taken into account in making a capital sentencing judgment not inevitable, lethal result. – Sandra Day O’Connor

Political theory provides a common language with which people in this town communicate with each other. – Kirk O’Donnell

You better take advantage of the good cigars. You don’t get much else in that job. – Thomas P. O’Neill

When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators. – P. J. O’Rourke

The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn’t work and then they get elected and prove it. – P. J. O’Rourke

Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right? – Robert Orben

‘Tis the business of little minds to shrink; but he whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves his conduct, will pursue his principles unto death. – Thomas Paine

The activist is not the man who says the river is dirty. The activist is the man who cleans up the river. – Ross Perot

A war for a great principle ennobles a nation. – Albert Pike

One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors. – Plato

Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber. – Plato

What you guys want, I’m for. – Dan Quayle

It’s time for the human race to enter the solar system. – Dan Quayle

We don’t want to go back to tomorrow, we want to go forward. – Dan Quayle

I have made good judgements in the past. I have made good judgements in the future. – Dan Quayle

The future will be better tomorrow. – Dan Quayle

The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation’s history. I mean in this century’s history. But we all lived in this century. I didn’t live in this century. – Dan Quayle

Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child. – Dan Quayle

Welcome to President Bush, Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts. – Dan Quayle

I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy – but that could change. – Dan Quayle

I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix. – Dan Quayle

When I have been asked during these last weeks who caused the riots and the killing in L.A., my answer has been direct and simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame. – Dan Quayle

Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it. – Dan Quayle

Murphy Brown is doing better than I am. At least she knows she still has a job next year. – Dan Quayle

We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur. – Dan Quayle

The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that Dan Quayle may or may not make. – Dan Quayle

We’re all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten you on the mistakes we may or may not have made. – Dan Quayle

I want to be Robin to Bush’s Batman. – Dan Quayle

El Salvador is a democracy so it’s not surprising that there are many voices to be heard here. Yet in my conversations with Salvadorans… I have heard a single voice. – Dan Quayle

It’s rural America. It’s where I came from. We always refer to ourselves as real America. Rural America, real America, real, real, America. – Dan Quayle

I can identify with steelworkers. I can identify with workers that have had a difficult time. – Dan Quayle

Lookit, I’ve done it their way this far and now it’s my turn. I’m my own handler. Any questions? Ask me… There’s not going to be any more handler stories because I’m the handler… I’m Doctor Spin. – Dan Quayle

Let me just tell you how thrilling it really is, and how, what a challenge it is, because in 1988 the question is whether we’re going forward to tomorrow or whether we’re going to go past to the – to the back! – Dan Quayle

I was known as the chief grave robber of my state. – Dan Quayle

We will invest in our people, quality education, job opportunity, family, neighborhood, and yes, a thing we call America. – Dan Quayle

This election is about who’s going to be the next President of the United States! – Dan Quayle

I have a very good family. I’m very fortunate to have a very good family. I believe very strongly in the family. It’s one of the things we have in our platform, is to talk about it. – Dan Quayle

I’m going to be a vice president very much like George Bush was. He proved to be a very effective vice president, perhaps the most effective we’ve had in a couple of hundred years. – Dan Quayle

The President is going to benefit from me reporting directly to him when I arrive. – Dan Quayle

When you make as many speeches and you talk as much as I do and you get away from the text, it’s always a possibility to get a few words tangled here and there. – Dan Quayle

I happen to be a Republican president – ah, the vice president. – Dan Quayle

I’ve never professed to be anything but an average student. – Dan Quayle

The other day the President said, I know you’ve had some rough times, and I want to do something that will show the nation what faith that I have in you, in your maturity and sense of responsibility. He paused, then said, would you like a puppy? – Dan Quayle

In George Bush you get experience, and with me you get – The Future! – Dan Quayle

I spend a great deal of time with the President. We have a very close, personal, loyal relationship. I’m not, as they say, a potted plant in these meetings. – Dan Quayle

When I talked to him on the phone yesterday. I called him George rather than Mr. Vice President. But, in public, it’s Mr. Vice President, because that is who he is. – Dan Quayle

My friends, no matter how rough the road may be, we can and we will, never, never surrender to what is right. – Dan Quayle

Sometimes cameras and television are good to people and sometimes they aren’t. I don’t know if its the way you say it, or how you look. – Dan Quayle

I just don’t believe in the basic concept that someone should make their whole career in public service. – Dan Quayle

I do have a political agenda. It’s to have as few regulations as possible. – Dan Quayle

You have a part-time job and that’s better than no job at all. – Dan Quayle

I deserve respect for the things I did not do. – Dan Quayle

This President is going to lead us out of this recovery. – Dan Quayle

We have to do more than just elect a new President if we truly want to change this country. – Dan Quayle

Inflation is as violent as a mugger, as frightening as an armed robber and as deadly as a hit man. – Ronald Reagan

If you are going to sin, sin against God, not the bureaucracy. God will forgive you but the bureaucracy won’t. – Hyman Rickover

Political campaigns are designedly made into emotional orgies which endeavor to distract attention from the real issues involved, and they actually paralyze what slight powers of cerebration man can normally muster. – James Harvey Robinson

I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. – Will Rogers

Diplomacy is the art of saying “Nice doggie” until you can find a rock. – Will Rogers

I’m not a member of any organized political party, I’m a Democrat! – Will Rogers

There ought to be one day – just one – when there is open season on senators. – Will Rogers

A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who, however, has never learned how to walk forward. – Franklin D. Roosevelt

A conservative is one who admires radicals centuries after they’re dead. – Leo Rosten

I can’t let important policy decisions hinge on the fact that an election is coming up every 90 days. – Gerhard Schroeder

If nominated, I will not run; if elected, I will not serve. – William T. Sherman

Bad politicians are sent to Washington by good people who don’t vote. – William E. Simon

It is enough that the people know there was an election. The people who cast the votes decide nothing. The people who count the votes decide everything. – Joseph Stalin

There ain’t no answer. There ain’t gonna be any answer. There never has been an answer. That’s the answer. – Gertrude Stein

The idea that you can merchandise candidates for high office like breakfast cereal – that you can gather votes like box tops – is, I think, the ultimate indignity to the democratic process. – Adlai E. Stevenson

A diplomat is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip. – Caskie Stinnett

I’ve been to war, and it’s not easy to kill. It’s bloody and messy and totally horrifying, and the consequences are serious. – Oliver Stone

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman. – Margaret Thatcher

I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end. – Margaret Thatcher

There are many men of principle in both parties in America, but there is no party of principle. – Alexis de Tocqueville

All the president is, is a glorified public relations man who spends his time flattering, kissing, and kicking people to get them to do what they are supposed to do anyway. – Harry S. Truman

He loved politicians – even Republicans. – Margaret Truman

A leader in the Democratic Party is a boss, in the Republican Party he is a leader. – Harry S. Truman

Politics is war without bloodshed, while war is politics with bloodshed. – Mao Tse-Tung

Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed. – Mark Twain

Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself. – Mark Twain

We have, I fear, confused power with greatness. – Stewart L. Udall

Politics is the art of preventing people from taking part in affairs which properly concern them. – Paul Valery

The Vice-Presidency is sort of like the last cookie on the plate. Everybody insists he won’t take it, but somebody always does. – Bill Vaughan

Half of the American people have never read a newspaper. Half never voted for President. One hopes it is the same half. – Gore Vidal

Apparently, a democracy is a place where numerous elections are held at great cost without issues and with interchangeable candidates. – Gore Vidal

Any American who is prepared to run for president should automatically, by definition, be disqualified from ever doing so. – Gore Vidal

After much prayerful consideration, I feel that I must say I have climbed my last political mountain. – George C. Wallace

I’m the lamest lame duck there could be. – George C. Wallace

Why does the Air Force need expensive new bombers? Have the people we’ve been bombing over the years been complaining? – George C. Wallace

I met someone on the street who said wasn’t it great that we’re going to have a movie star for president, that it was so Pop, and (laughs) when you think about it like that, it is great, it’s so American. – Andy Warhol

This is an era of violent peace. – James D. Watkins

Justice, sir, is the great interest of man on earth. It is the ligament which holds civilized beings and civilized nations together. – Daniel Webster

Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half of the time. – E. B. White

The flood of money that gushes into politics today is a pollution of democracy. – Theodore White

Conservatives define themselves in terms of what they oppose. – George Will

Voters don’t decide issues, they decide who will decide issues. – George Will

The unpleasant sound Bush is emitting as he traipses from one conservative gathering to another is a thin, tinny “arf” – the sound of a lap dog. – George Will

A conservative is a man who just sits and thinks, mostly sits. – Woodrow Wilson

There are no more liberals They’ve all been mugged. – James Q. Wilson

A free America… means just this: individual freedom for all, rich or poor, or else this system of government we call democracy is only an expedient to enslave man to the machine and make him like it. – Frank Lloyd Wright

The United States brags about its political system, but the President says one thing during the election, something else when he takes office, something else at midterm and something else when he leaves. – Deng Xiaoping

Page topic: Good Politics quotes: Best famous quotes about Politics

You’re only has good as your last haircut. – Fran Lebowitz

Don’t forget Mother’s Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad’s Third Wife Day. – Jay Leno

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. – Groucho Marx

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. – Groucho Marx

I rant, therefore I am. – Dennis Miller

My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic. – Spike Milligan

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. – Emo Philips

I don’t have a bank account because I don’t know my mother’s maiden name. – Paula Poundstone

If God wanted us to bend over he’d put diamonds on the floor. – Joan Rivers

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. – Rita Rudner

There comes a time in every man’s life, and I’ve had plenty of them. – Casey Stengel

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. – Lily Tomlin

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? – Lily Tomlin

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library? – Lily Tomlin

You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog. – Harry S. Truman

There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist. – Mark Twain

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together. – Oprah Winfrey

I bought some batteries, but they weren’t included. – Steven Wright

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five. – Steven Wright

I intend to live forever. So far, so good. – Steven Wright

Page topic: Good Funny quotes: Best famous quotes about Funny

I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. – Woody Allen

What’s on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement? – Fred Allen

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. – Woody Allen

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare. – Fred Allen

The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl. – Dave Barry

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person’s plate. – Dave Barry

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday. – George Burns

Weather forecast for tonight: dark. – George Carlin

What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on? – George Carlin

A word to the wise ain’t necessary – it’s the stupid ones that need the advice. – Bill Cosby

People always ask me, ‘Were you funny as a child?’ Well, no, I was an accountant. – Ellen DeGeneres

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is. – Ellen DeGeneres

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity. – Albert Einstein

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe. – Albert Einstein

I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally. – W. C. Fields

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with. – W. C. Fields

He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house. – Zsa Zsa Gabor

I don’t think anyone should write their autobiography until after they’re dead. – Samuel Goldwyn

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live. – Bob Hope

You’re only has good as your last haircut. – Fran Lebowitz

Page topic: Good quotes about Funny: Some of the best great quotes about Funny

Every day Innocentenglish.com posts 2 new funny signs and a funny quick break post. This Quick Break section has today’s quick break plus previous ones, so you can browse thru any you missed.

Funny Signs of the Day

Now Today’s Daily Quick Break:

“The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war.
Pretty impressive.  Also pretty lucky for them. Ever see that little
Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there.
Corkscrews. Bottle openers. ‘Come on, buddy, let’s go. You get past me,
the guy in back of me, he’s got a spoon. Back off. I’ve got the toe 
clippers right here.’”
    –Jerry Seinfeld

“I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed
it.”
    –Steven Wright

 ”My mom said she learned how to swim. Someone took her out in the lake
and threw her off the boat. That’s how she learned how to swim.

To read the rest, go to: More funny quotes & jokes by stand up comedians

Quick Break Pic of the Day. Caption this Pic!

The best funny quotes and really dumb sayings and quotes from bumper stickers, T-shirts, & graffiti.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film.

Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!

If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he’s gone.

To read the rest, go to: Funny Quotes

Quick Break Pic of the Day. Caption this Pic!

Here are some more humorous sayings and silly or witty quotes

Religion cannot be without morality, but morality may arrive without religion.

Roses are FF0000, violets are 0000FF, all of my base are belong to you.

Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

Save water – take a bath with your neighbor’s daughter.

Send lawyers, guns and money!

Sex is like air; it’s not important unless you aren’t getting any.

Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. Yes is the answer.

Sex on tv can’t hurt unless you fall off.

Sleep: a completely inadequate substitute for caffeine.

To read the rest, go to: Funniest sayings and witty quotes 8: more humorous sayings and silly or witty quotes

Quick Break Pic of the Day. Caption this Pic!

Here are some funny celebrity quotes

When I was growing up, there were two things that were unpopular in my house. One was me, and the other was my guitar
Bruce Springsteen

Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternatives. Maurice Chevalier

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly and lie about your age.
Lucille Ball

I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. They wake up in the morning and that’s the best they are going to feel all day.
Frank Sinatra

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth. George Burns

To read the rest, go to: Funny Celebrity Quotes: Great Lines from Celebrities and Famous People

Here are some more of the top funny sayings

The repairman will never have seen a model quite like yours before.

The revolution will not be televised.

The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.

The shortest distance between two points is under construction.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.

The trouble with ignorance is that it picks up confidence as it goes along.

The truth is what is; what should be is a dirty lie.

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

The web isn’t better than sex, but sliced bread is in serious trouble.

To read the rest, go to: Best sayings 9: More of the top funny sayings

Quick Break Pic of the Day. Caption this Pic!

Warning: These are deliberately some of the worst, most painful, most terrible and most awful analogies ever written!

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
(Joseph Romm, Washington)

She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.
(Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station)

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.
(Russell Beland, Springfield)

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.
(Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring)

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and “Jeopardy” comes on at 7 p.m.

To read the rest, go to: Funny Analogies:Washington Post’s Bad Analogy Contest Winners

Quick Break Pic of the Day. Caption this Pic!

The best really stupid sayings and quotes from bumper stickers, T-shirts, & graffiti.Diplomacy is the art of saying ‘Nice doggie!’… till you can find a rock.

Sex on television can’t hurt you… unless you fall off.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm

Drink ’till she’s cute, but stop before the wedding

Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines

Page Topic: Stupid Sayings and Quotes

To read the rest, go to: Stupid Sayings and Quotes

Quick Break Pic of the Day. Caption this Pic!