Every day Innocentenglish.com posts 2 new funny signs and a funny quick break post. This Quick Break section has today’s quick break plus previous ones, so you can browse thru any you missed.

Funny Signs of the Day

Now Today’s Daily Quick Break:

These funny bloopers are actual mistakes by students I have tutored in Conversational English, and are from my humor book.

China is slowly becoming a flea market economy.

The second Word War had much propaganda

I am so tired of police violins!

At that time, one of the most important weapons was the rocket lawn chair.

The Clinton menstruation was a difficult period in American politics.

The President got off the plane and gave a big kiss to the first ladder.

To read the rest, go to: Politics and Government

Every day Innocentenglish.com posts 2 new funny signs and a funny quick break post. This Quick Break section has today’s quick break plus previous ones, so you can browse thru any you missed.

Funny Signs of the Day

Now Today’s Daily Quick Break:

From the cover of a notebook used by one of my Korean students:

My heart is very flammable when I see your beautiful eyes.

On the box for a toothbrush at a Tokyo hotel:

Gives you strong mouth and refreshing wind!

A job ad in the Japan Times expressing that both males and females could apply:

No limit on sex.

On the box for a toy microphone called “ECHO MIKE:”

Mom ma! Pap Pap! I and Lady Employees to play with it together!

To read the rest, go to: Other Funny English Mistakes From Around the World

Quick Break Pic of the Day. Caption this Pic!

These funny bloopers are actual mistakes by students I have tutored in Conversational English, and are from my humor book.

Compiled from lyrics of love songs translated into English by ESL students.

From morning’s glaring sun to the smelly afternoon,

You are always inside my lonely brain.

I hope we meet in an accident very soon.

My heart will not stop hemorrhaging for you.

The night you squeezed me I visited heaven.

To read the rest, go to: My Lemon Moon Ray Lover

Quick Break Pic of the Day. Caption this Pic!

These funny bloopers are actual mistakes by students I have tutored in Conversational English, and are from my humor book.

I am so eager to mate you!

Please execute me for being late.

Should I have a coma in the middle of this sentence?

I am sorry I am later.
It took me ten minutes to ignite my car.

Am I making P correctly?

Did you have an accident?

To read the rest, go to: A Day of Tutoring

Quick Break Pic of the Day. Caption this Pic!

These funny bloopers are actual mistakes by students I have tutored in Conversational English, and are from my humor book.Food

Do you like this food?
I made it from scratching!

I never liked mushrooms,
but now they are starting to grow in me.

Do you like your coffee cremated?

Tomorrow I will go to a wine and cheese cutting party.

Every morning I have some toast
and a big glass of flute juice.
* * * * *

To read the rest, go to: Innocent English Mistakes From New English Language Students

Quick Break Pic of the Day. Caption this Pic!

These funny bloopers are actual mistakes by students I have tutored in Conversational English, and are from my humor book.

(Snorkling and Skydiving bloopers and mistakes)

I know how to sky dive in the ocean.

You have to put big bottles on your back so you can have good breath.

You should have big rubber feet.

At this time, put the glass over your face so your eyes don’t get salted.

Then you can jump on the ocean.

To read the rest, go to: How To Sky Dive in the Ocean

Quick Break Pic of the Day. Caption this Pic!

These funny bloopers are actual mistakes by students I have tutored in Conversational English, and are from my humor book.

—First, heat up your pants really hot,
then add oil.

—If you have time, you should suck the noodles for twenty minutes before you boil them.

—Add a little fresh black paper.

—Put the cabbages in salt water.
Then sit in the sink until the morning.

—Add two cups of ground flowers.

To read the rest, go to: A Recipe

Quick Break Pic of the Day. Caption this Pic!

These funny bloopers are actual mistakes by students I have tutored in Conversational English, and are from my humor book.DATING

That night, we went skin dipping- Just the two of us!
You mean you went skinny dipping?
It is called skinny dipping? But I’m not very skinny!
Well, that’s what they call it if you go swimming nude.
What is “Nude?”
Nude means Naked. No clothes or swimsuits.
Naked? No! I would never skin dip naked! There are little slippery fish everywhere! We skinned dipped with our underwear over us.

We were lovers,
but now she is my biggest enema!

We have hated each other for so long.
I want to borrow the hatchet.

To read the rest, go to: Top 50 Funniest English Mistakes from New English Language Students

These funny bloopers are actual mistakes by students I have tutored in Conversational English, and are from my humor book.

This morning, I was walking outside,
when suddenly a big shower fell on me!

Yesterday I had strong wind here.

Rain makes old cars lust. So be careful
about that. Once a car starts lusting,
there’s no way to stop it.

There was a lighting strike
and then the sky became dark.

The entire country has been
devastated by a long trout.

To read the rest, go to: Weather

Quick Break Pic of the Day. Caption this Pic!

(We all make a lot of mistakes learning a new language, and some are going to be a little humorous to native speakers of that language.  For instance… )
10. I fell in love with her the first time I sawed her.

9. He had such a worm heart.

8. We were two sheeps passing in the night.

7. We have hated each other for so long. I want to borrow the hatchet.

6. My dentist makes me blush twice a day.

5. I don’t know if he will propose, but I am expecting.

4. I have something exciting to tell you. My girlfriend and I got enraged last night!

3. The groom was wearing a very nice croissant.

2. He lifted the veal off her face and gave her a big kiss.

1. I think she is really glad she got marinated.

Some other innocent mistakes from new English from the pages of InnocentEnglish:

Recipes: Next, chop all the vegetarians into little pieces.

Health: It is dangerous to smoke while you are becoming pregnant.

Sports: It was so exciting to watch! The cheerleaders threw up high into the air.

Politics: The President got off the plane and gave a big kiss to the first ladder.

Grammar: Should I have a coma in the middle of this sentence?

Music: When he was through singing he had a standing ovulation.

Food: Do you like this food? I made it from scratching!

Parents: My bed has three blankets and a large guilt my parents gave me.

Weather: Rain makes old cars lust. So be careful about that. Once a car starts lusting, there’s no way to stop it!

Travel: You can’t sleep with me because it is too crowded. But you can probably sleep with my sister. That’s what most of my friends do when they visit.

These funny mistakes by new English language students are a celebration of the lighter side of learning language. I still remember when I went on a college mission trip to an orphanage in Mexico, and I enthusiastically greeted each of the children with ‘Buenos Dios! Buenos Dios!’ After some puzzled looks and a lot of laughter, a friend explained that I wasn’t saying ‘Good day.’ I was running around to each of these kids shouting ‘Good God! Good God!’ The laughter of that moment really broke the ice with the children, and left me with an appreciation of the humor that can accompany learning a new language.  This site began with a few pages of those funny mistakes.

Page topic: Top 10 funny Valentine bloopers and mistakes by English students talking about love and romance