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1. Dear Sirs, please stop my assistance since I got a job begging in October

2. I am writing the Welfare Dept. to say that my baby was born 2 years old. When do I get my money?

3. Mrs. Jones has not had any clothing for a year and has been visited regularly by the clergy.

4. I cannot get sick pay. I have had 6 children. Can you tell me why?

5. I am glad to report that my husband who was reported missing is dead.

6. This is my eighth child.

To read the rest, go to: Funny Letters to Government Agencies

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Here are some funny resume mistakes:

“Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.”

“Education: College, August 1880- May 1984.”

“Work Experience: Dealing with customers’ conflicts that arouse.”

“Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget.”

“I’m a rabid typist.”

“Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain operation.”
Reasons for Leaving your Previous Job:

To read the rest, go to: Funny Resume Mistakes

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According to several comedians, as compiled by GQ magazine the funniest jokes are:

Okay, so it’s impossible to objectively choose the funniest jokes ever. Although there was a scientific study on the topic, which produced these jokes as the funniest jokes in the world. The list below was compiled with imput from several comedians, and first appeared in GQ magazine. These were selected as the funniest jokes in the world, the best jokes of all time, by these comedians.

A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. “Cold floors,” he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, “Bad food.” They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. “I quit,” he says. “That’s not surprising,” the elders say. “You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here.”

A Jewish grandmother is watching her grandchild playing on the beach when a huge wave comes and takes him out to sea.

To read the rest, go to: The Funniest Jokes Ever Page 4

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Funny sayings:Sstupid and witty quotes  and Funny Sayings from bumper stickers, T-shirts, graffiti etc.

Funny Sayings:
The sex was so good even the neighbors had a cigarette.

Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.

Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!

If you smoke after sex, you’re doing it too fast.

I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.

To read the rest, go to: Funny Sayings

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While most sites charge you $10, $20 or even $1000 per joke, for a limited time, you can look at these jokes absolutely free! Yes, it’s hard to believe, but you will not be charged at all to look at these very rare and valuable free jokes. So enjoy, and never forget how lucky you really are.

A man was sitting at home one evening, when the doorbell rang. When he answered the door, a 6 foot tall cockroach was standing there. The cockroach immediately punched him between the eyes and scampered off.

The next evening, the man was sitting at home when the doorbell rang again. When he answered the door, the cockroach was there again. This time, it punched him, kicked him and karate chopped him before running away.

The third evening, the man was sitting at home when the doorbell rang. When he answered the door, the cockroach was there yet again. It leapt at him and stabbed him several times before running off. The gravely injured man managed to crawl to the telephone and summoned an ambulance. He was rushed to intensive care, where they saved his life. The next morning, the doctor was doing his rounds. He asked the man what happened, so the man explained about the 6 foot cockroach’s attacks, culminating in the near fatal stabbing.

The doctor thought for a moment and said, “Yes, there’s a nasty bug going around.”

When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn’t work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.

To read the rest, go to: Free Jokes

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   Here are some very funny Simpsons quotes, lines and sayings, from The Simpsons TV show.

Comic Book Guy: Last night’s “Itchy and Scratchy Show” was, without a doubt, the worst episode *ever.* Rest assured, I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world.
  
  Homer: I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman.
    
  Comic Book Guy: Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix.
  
  Homer: You don’t like your job, you don’t strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way.
  
  Chief Wiggum: Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city! He is the cancer and I am the…uh…what cures cancer?
  
  Homer: Bart, with money, we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love!
  
  Homer: Fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs.

   Homer: Books are useless! I only ever read one book, “To Kill A Mockingbird,” and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin…but what good does *that* do me?
  
  Chief Wiggum: Can’t you people take the law into your own hands?

To read the rest, go to: Funny Simpson Quotes and Sayings and Lines

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Here are some more humorous sayings and silly or witty quotes

Religion cannot be without morality, but morality may arrive without religion.

Roses are FF0000, violets are 0000FF, all of my base are belong to you.

Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

Save water – take a bath with your neighbor’s daughter.

Send lawyers, guns and money!

Sex is like air; it’s not important unless you aren’t getting any.

Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. Yes is the answer.

Sex on tv can’t hurt unless you fall off.

Sleep: a completely inadequate substitute for caffeine.

To read the rest, go to: Funniest sayings and witty quotes 8: more humorous sayings and silly or witty quotes

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These mistakes have been collected from Sundayschool teachers, Catholic school teachers and others

This comes from a Catholic elementary school. Kids were asked questions about the Old and New Testaments.

In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.

Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah’s wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.

Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.

The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.

Samson was a strong man who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.

To read the rest, go to: Funny Kids’ Mistakes about the Bible

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The last few of these top 10 funniest limericks are suggestive, but they are still much more mild than many limericks out there, particularly the ones about a great many people from Nantucket, who apparently have quite a variety of very interesting social encounters…

1. Old Reggie McGarr

I heard that old Reggie McGarr
Died peacefully, with his cigar,
Peacefully dreaming,
Not yelling and screaming
Like the folks in the back of his car.

-Albert Van Hoogmoed

2. The Woman Named Bright

There was a young woman named Bright
Whose speed was much faster than light.
She set out one day
In a relative way,
And returned on the previous night.

To read the rest, go to: Top 10 Funniest Fairly Clean Limericks

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Some of the funniest Wedding Quotes:

I have something exciting to tell you.
My girlfriend and I got enraged last night!

I really believe our wedding will last until we die.

What does it mean:
“I would like to propose to some toast?

If he is really the best man,
why isn’t she marrying him instead?

The groom was wearing
A very nice croissant.

To read the rest, go to: Funny Wedding Quotes by New English Students