Innocent English

To Switzerland

During WWII, there was a bridge connecting Germany and Switzerland, and on the German side, there was a sentry tower with a guard in it. He would come out every three minutes to check on the bridge, and he had orders to turn back anyone who tried to get into Germany, and shoot anyone trying to escape without a pass. There was a woman who desperately needed to get into Switzerland, and she knew she didn’t have time to get a pass. It would take her at least six minutes to cross the bridge, but she managed to do it. How?

When the sentry went into the tower, she would start to cross into Switzerland, and when he came out, she would start to walk back into Germany. When he saw her, he would tell her to turn back into Switzerland.

Rectangles

Draw four rectangles on a piece of paper. Put nine x’s in the four rectangles so that there is an uneven number of x’s in each rectangle.

Draw one large rectangle. Then draw the three smaller rectangles within the large rectangle. Place three x’s in each small rectangle. There will be nine x’s in the large rectangle.

Cheese

What kind of cheese is made backwards?

EDAM cheese. ( ‘made’ backwards is edam )

My Number

Double my number, I’m less than a score, half of my number is less than four. Add one to my double when bakers are near, days of the week are still greater, I fear.
What am I?

The number six.

Stuck Semi

Don was driving his semi under an overpass when suddenly he came to a screeching halt. Don wasn’t paying enough attention and inadvertently drove under the overpass that was just barely as high as his truck.The semi was wedged so tightly that he could not go forward or backward. A fellow trucker came by and told him how he could easily get the semi out from under the bridge.

What did he suggest?

He told Don to let some air out of his tires. This would make the truck lower and allow him to pass through.

Warmth Trapper

What traps warmth,
Sprays forth ice and water,
Yet slips through your fingers with ease?

Clouds.

Cemetary

Did you know that if you live within 5 miles of a cemetary you can’t be buried there? Why?

If you’re living you can’t be buried!

Clad Tree

What tree is most warmly clad?

A Fir tree.

Left, Right, Upside Down!

What word can be written forward, backward or upside down, and can still be read from left to right?

NOON.

Ten Soldiers in White

Dead on the field lie ten soldiers in white, felled by three eyes, black as night.
What’s going on here?

A strike was thrown in ten pin bowling.

David’s Dad

David’s father has three sons : Snap, Crackle and who?

Did you say Pop? Try David.

Chuck’s Unfaithful Wife

Chuck, a bestselling author of romantic fiction, had suspected for some time that his wife Eva was unfaithful, though he had no proof. One afternoon, while Chuck was working on his latest bodice-ripper, Eva mentioned that she intended to go to the movies and would be out for a few hours. As Eva went to the door, Chuck looked at her pensively, then resumed his work. Three hours later, Eva returned, took her coat off and asked Chuck weather he wanted some coffee. When she returned from the kitchen, Chuck asked her to sit down as he wanted to talk to her.
“Eva,” he said, “I want a divorce.”
Can you figure out how he knew?

On Eva`s way out, Chuck had noticed a run in her stocking. When she went to the kitchen for coffee, he noticed that the run was on her right leg.

In The Ocean

What won’t break if you throw it off the highest building in the world, but will break if you place it in the ocean?

A tissue.

Gossip and Mirror

What’s the difference between gossip and a mirror?

One speaks without reflecting and the other reflects without speaking.

Anagrams

Can you complete this sentence using words which are anagrams of each other?
“At the school recently, only the ___ students could solve the ___ equation.”

Brainy and Binary. Or, you can use Reserved and Reversed.

Made of Gold

Can not be bought, can not be sold, even if it’s made of gold.What is it?

It is a heart.

With Empty Hand

Buckets, Barrels, Baskets, Cans.
What must you fill with empty hands?

Gloves, duh!

Twice As Old

When asked how old she was, Suzie replied, “In two years I will be twice as old as I was five years ago.”How old is she?

She’s 12.

Two Skinned

When I am filled I can point the way.
When I am empty, nothing moves me.
I have two skins – One without and one within.
What am I?

A glove!

Dog, Cat, and Mouse

A man has to take a dog, a cat, and a mouse across a river. He can only take one of the animals across at a time. If he takes the mouse, the dog will eat the cat. If he takes the dog, the cat will eat the mouse.How does he get the three animals across the river?

1. The man takes the cat across and goes back to get the mouse.2. The man then takes the mouse across and returns with the cat.

3. The man leaves the cat on the shore and takes the dog across. He leaves the dog with the mouse.

4. The man goes back to get the cat and all of the animals have made it across the river!