Today’s Funny Pics
Today’s Funny Sign
Today’s Newspaper Fail
Pic of the Day:
Today’s Cute Shot #1:
Today’s Cute Shot #2:
Today’s Texting Abbreviation Quiz:
Did They Say It?
Today’s InnocentEnglish Classics:
Funny Jokes, Quotes and Lines
Today’s Funny Sayings
Today’s Stupid Questions:
~ When cows laugh, does milk come out of their noses?
~ Who was the first person to see an egg come from a chicken’s butt and think, “I’ll bet that would be good to eat?
Today’s Stand Up Comedy Quote:
~ I invented the cordless extension cord. — Steven Wright
~ A word to the wise ain’t necessary. It’s the stupid ones who need the advice. — Bill Cosby
Today’s Pick Up Lines: (Use at your own risk!)
~ Hey baby. Roses are red, violets are blue. I’m not a poet, but damn girl, you’re hot!
~ I may not be Fred Flintstone but I can sure make your bed rock!
~ Pour hot water down a rabbit hole and you get a hot cross bunny.
~ A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
Today’s Funny Southern Expressions:
~ Are her legs that skinny or is she riding a chicken?
~ She was so ugly when she was born, her Momma used to borrow a baby to take to church on Sunday.
~ A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, “Jesus is watching you.”
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.
When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables.
Just as he grabbed the ipod docking station and speakers and put them in his bag her heard, clear as a bell he heard, “Jesus is watching you.”
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
“Did you say that?” he hissed at the parrot.
“Yep,” the parrot confessed, then squawked, “I’m just trying to warn you.”
The burglar relaxed. “Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?”
“Moses,” replied the bird.
“Moses?” the burglar laughed. “What kind of people would name a bird Moses?”
“Pretty much the kind of people that would name a rottweiler Jesus.”
~ There were these two cows, chatting over the fence between their fields. The first cow said, “I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm.” The other cow replies, “I ain’t worried, it don’t affect us ducks.”
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Section: Quick Break