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Today’s Quick Break: October 31, 2011:

Today’s Funny Pics

Today’s Funny Sign

More Funny Signs

Today’s Newspaper Fail

More Funny Newspaper Headlines

Pic of the Day:

More Funny Pictures

Today’s Cute Shot #1:

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Today’s Cute Shot #2:

More Animal Pictures

Funny English

Today’s Texting Abbreviation Quiz:

What does FOMC mean?
Falling off my chair
What does EMA mean?
E-mail address
What does SIHTH mean?
Stupidity is hard to take

More Texting Abbreviations

Today’s Riddle:

Make Up Your Mind:
You do not want to have it,
But when you do have it,
You do not want to lose it?
What is it?
A lawsuit.

More Riddles

Did They Say It?

~ Did George W. Bush actually say “Lately my father has been buddying up with Bill Clinton. Now I respect my father, and I love my father, and I don’t tell my father who to spend time on. But lately I’ve been worried he might be losing his cards in his deck.” No.

~ Did George W. Bush actually say “I think I will be remembered in history, but not till after I’ve been in the past for a while.” No.

Today’s InnocentEnglish Classics:

Funny Mistakes by New English Students:
~ Miss America started crying when they put the clown on her head. I think she was happy because her big dream came true.
~ Do you think she will pause for Playboy?
~ Last night I watched “Who Wants to Win a Million Ears?”

Funny Jokes, Quotes and Lines

Today’s Funny Sayings

~ Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it’s hard to get it back in.

~ “I suppose we all have our recollections of our earlier holidays, all bristling with horror." —Flann O’Brien

Today’s Stupid Questions:

~ When cows laugh, does milk come out of their noses?

~ Who was the first person to see an egg come from a chicken’s butt and think, “I’ll bet that would be good to eat?

Today’s Stand Up Comedy Quote:

~ I invented the cordless extension cord. — Steven Wright

~ A word to the wise ain’t necessary. It’s the stupid ones who need the advice. — Bill Cosby

Today’s Pick Up Lines: (Use at your own risk!)

~ Hey baby. Roses are red, violets are blue. I’m not a poet, but damn girl, you’re hot!

~ I may not be Fred Flintstone but I can sure make your bed rock!

Today’s Puns:

~ Pour hot water down a rabbit hole and you get a hot cross bunny.

~ A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

Today’s Funny Southern Expressions:

~ Are her legs that skinny or is she riding a chicken?

~ She was so ugly when she was born, her Momma used to borrow a baby to take to church on Sunday.

Today’s Jokes

~ A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, “Jesus is watching you.”

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.

When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables.

Just as he grabbed the ipod docking station and speakers and put them in his bag her heard, clear as a bell he heard, “Jesus is watching you.”

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

“Did you say that?” he hissed at the parrot.

“Yep,” the parrot confessed, then squawked, “I’m just trying to warn you.”

The burglar relaxed. “Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?”

“Moses,” replied the bird.

“Moses?” the burglar laughed. “What kind of people would name a bird Moses?”

“Pretty much the kind of people that would name a rottweiler Jesus.”

~ There were these two cows, chatting over the fence between their fields. The first cow said, “I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm." The other cow replies, “I ain’t worried, it don’t affect us ducks."

Today’s Word Games

Today’s Crossword, Sukoku and Hangman:

Today’s Crossword Puzzle

Today’s Sudoku Puzzle

Today’s Hangman and other wordgames

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