<< Today's Quick Break: March 15, 2010:  |   Today's Quick Break: March 13, 2010: >>

Today’s Quick Break: March 14, 2010:

Today’s Funny Pics

Today’s Funny Sign

Today’s Newspaper Fail

Pic of the Day:

Today’s Cute Shot #1:

Today’s Cute Shot #2:

Funny English

Did They Say It?

~ Did French ambassador Jacques le Blanc actually say “I do not like this word bomb. It is not a bomb. It is a device that is exploding.” Yes.

~ Did Mariah Carey actually say “”Glitter” was ahead of its time.” Yes.

Today’s InnocentEnglish Classics:

Funny Signs from Around the World:
~ Sliced children with broccoli, snow peas, carrots, water chestnuts. Served in a spicy brown sauce.
~ Soft shoulder, blind curves, steep grade, big trucks. Good luck!
~ Toilet! Stay in your car.

Funny Jokes, Quotes and Lines

Today’s Funny Sayings

~ Only dead fish go with the flow.

~ Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.

Today’s Stupid Questions:

~ Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

~ Do mass murderers kill only in church?

Today’s Stand Up Comedy Quote:

~ What do people in China call their good plates? — Peter Kay

~ Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy. — George Carlin

Today’s Pick Up Lines: (Use at your own risk!)

~ What time do you have to be back in heaven?

~ My magic watch says you don’t have on any underwear. (Yes I do) damn! It must be 15 minutes fast!

Today’s Puns:

~ Studying fungus is a way to mold young minds.

~ Once you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.

Today’s Funny Southern Expressions:

~ Hot enough to fry an egg.

~ I feel like I’ve been ate by a wolf and shit of a cliff

Today’s Jokes

~ Passengers on a small commuter plane are waiting for the flight to leave. The entrance opens, and two men walk up the aisle, dressed in pilots’ uniforms–both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a seeing-eye dog, and the other is tapping his way up the aisle with a cane.
Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin; but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming. The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and people at the windows realize that they’re headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport territory.
As it begins to look as though the plane will never take off, that it will plow into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin–but at that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air.
The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon they have all retreated into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands. Up in the cockpit, the copilot turns to the pilot and says, “You know, Bob, one of these days, they’re going to scream too late, and we’re all gonna die. . .”


~ A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car. The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead. The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry. A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees the man crying on the side of the road and pulls over. She steps out of her car and asks the man what’s wrong. “I feel terrible,” he explains, “I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it.” The blonde says, “Don’t worry.” She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down, and sprays the contents onto the rabbit. The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road.Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another
ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again, until he hops out of sight. The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands, “What is in that can? What did you spray on that rabbit!?” The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label. It says “Hair Spray — Restores life to dead hair, and adds permanent wave.”

Today’s Word Games

Today’s Texting Abbreviation Quiz:

What does USU mean?
Usually
What does PUKS mean?
Pick up kids (SMS)
What does G9 mean?
Genius

Today’s Riddle:

Full Bus:
There is a bus full of people travelling over San Francisco and no one gets off the bus throughout
the journey. But when it gets to the other side there is not a single person left. How is this
possible?
They are all married.

Today’s Crossword, Sukoku and Hangman:

Today’s Crossword Puzzle

Today’s Sudoku Puzzle

Today’s Hangman and other wordgames


Back Page

Today’s Funny Song from Songdrops.com:

Today’s Dilbert. Here’s your daily dose of Dilbert:

Celebrity Birthdays:

<< Today's Quick Break: March 15, 2010:  |   Today's Quick Break: March 13, 2010: >>

Comments

COMMENT (Not all comments are approved, including rude comments and those with strong language).

Section: Quick Break

<< Today's Quick Break: March 15, 2010:  |   Today's Quick Break: March 13, 2010: >>

Click for privacy policy

All content is © InnocentEnglish.com: Funny Jokes, Signs, Pics, Bloopers, English mistakes and More, 2005-2011, or is in the public domain, or is © by the respective copyright holders. Please contact for prompt removal of any inadvertent © content, with apologies.
Sitemap