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Today’s Quick Break: March 13, 2010:

Today’s Funny Pics

Today’s Funny Sign

Today’s Newspaper Fail

Pic of the Day:

Today’s Cute Shot #1:

Today’s Cute Shot #2:

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Funny English

Did They Say It?

~ Did Lindsay Lohan actually say “I want to go to Egypt and Japan and open orphanages—a chain of them.” Yes.

~ Did George W. Bush actually say “Well, first let me say that that’s a trick question. You think you can not outsmart me, but you are wrong. You can’t outstep Mr. Twostep into a mistep.” No.

Today’s InnocentEnglish Classics:

Funny English Subtitles from Hong Kong Movies:
~ “Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.”
~ “Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?”
~ “Quiet or I’ll blow your throat up.”
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Funny Jokes, Quotes and Lines

Today’s Funny Sayings

~ “I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give up the idea. I’m only six feet tall, so I couldn’t play basketball. I’m only 190 pounds, so I couldn’t play football, and I have 20/20 vision, so I couldn’t be a referee.” —Jay Leno

~ After all is said and done, more is said than done.

Today’s Stupid Questions:

~ Why is it that doctors call what they do “practice”?

~ What kind of fruit is in Juicy Fruit gum?

Today’s Stand Up Comedy Quote:

~ Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure? — Peter Kay

~ The next time I have meat and mashed potatoes, I think I’ll put a very large blob of potatoes on my plate with just a little piece of meat. And if someone asks me why I didn’t get more meat, I’ll just say, “Oh, you mean this?” and pull out a big piece of meat from inside the blob of potatoes, where I’ve hidden it. Good magic trick, huh? — Jack Handy

Today’s Pick Up Lines: (Use at your own risk!)

~ Hi. I have only three months to live.

~ Baby, I’m like Taco Bell. I’ll spice up your night.

Today’s Puns:

~ The magician got so mad he pulled his hare out.

~ Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat miner.

Today’s Funny Southern Expressions:

~ He’s acting crazier than a sprayed roach!

~ I will be all over you like white on rice

Today’s Jokes

~ Q: Hear about the flasher who was thinking about retiring?
A: He decided to stick it out a little longer.

~ A doctor says to his patient, “I have good news and bad news”.

“What’s the good news?” asks the patient.

The doctor replies, “Well, the good news is, you only have 24 hours left to live.”

“That’s the GOOD news? Well then what the HELL is the bad news?”

The doctor replies, “well, I forgot to call you yesterday.”

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Today’s Word Games

Today’s Texting Abbreviation Quiz:

What does CYA mean?
See you
What does UR2YS4ME mean?
You are too wise for me
What does BOLO mean?
Be on the look out

Today’s Riddle:

The Signpost:
Jack and Joe were on vacation and driving along a deserted country road from the town of Kaysville to the town of Lynnsville. They came to a multiple fork in the road. The sign post had been knocked down and they were faced with choosing one of five different
directions. Since they had left their map at the last gas station and there was no one around to ask, how could Jack and Joe find their way to Lynnsville?
They need to stand the signpost up so that the arm reading Kaysville points in the direction of Kaysville, the town they had just come from. With one arm pointing the correct way, the other arms will also point in the right directions.

Today’s Crossword, Sukoku and Hangman:

Today’s Crossword Puzzle

Today’s Sudoku Puzzle

Today’s Hangman and other wordgames


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Today’s Funny Song from Songdrops.com:

Today’s Dilbert. Here’s your daily dose of Dilbert:

Celebrity Birthdays:

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