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Today’s Quick Break: March 10, 2010:
Today’s Funny Pics
Today’s Funny Sign
Today’s Newspaper Fail
Pic of the Day:
Today’s Cute Shot #1:
Today’s Cute Shot #2:
Funny English
Did They Say It?
Today’s InnocentEnglish Classics:
Funny Jokes, Quotes and Lines
Today’s Funny Sayings
Today’s Stupid Questions:
~ After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?
~ The Scarecrow got a brain, Tin Man got a heart, Lion got courage, Dorothy got home, what did Toto get?
Today’s Stand Up Comedy Quote:
~ You know, why we’re here? To be out, this is out…and out is one of the single most enjoyable experiences of life. People…did you ever hear people talking about “We should go out”? This is what they’re talking about…this whole thing, we’re all out now, no one is home. Not one person here is home, we’re all out! There are people trying to find us, they don’t know where we are. “Did you ring?, I can’t find him.” “Where did he go?” “He didn’t tell me where he was going”. He must have gone out. You wanna go out: you get ready, you pick out the clothes, right? You take the shower, you get all ready, get the cash, get your friends, the car, the spot, the reservation…There you’re staring around, what do you do? You go: “We gotta be getting back”. Once you’re out, you wanna get back! You wanna go to sleep, you wanna get up, you wanna go out again tomorrow, right? Where ever you are in life, it’s my feeling, you’ve gotta go. — Jerry Seinfeld
~ I’m desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze pilots wore helmets. — George Carlin
Today’s Pick Up Lines: (Use at your own risk!)
~ Oh no, I’m choking! I need mouth to mouth, quick!
~ You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
Today’s Puns:
~ He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.
~ A prisoner’s favorite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence.
Today’s Funny Southern Expressions:
~ You look like a cat having Diarrhea on a busy dirt road!
~ It’s hotter than two rabbits making babies in a sock!
Today’s Jokes
~ President Sarkozy visits a steel factory. To the boss’s surprise, the president greets an employee, Morton, with a warm hug. The same thing happens when Barack Obama visits, and again during Vladimir Putin’s tour. Unimpressed, the boss says to Morton, “I bet you don’t know the pope.”
Morton shrugs. “We play golf together.”
The gauntlet has been tossed, and the boss pays their way to the Vatican. During the Benediction, Morton slips away. Sure enough, he reappears—side by side with the pope. Two Chinese tourists tap the boss on the shoulder and ask, “Who’s the guy in white standing with Morton?”
~ A woman’s husband comes home hammered every night, and she always yells at him before going to bed alone.
One day she decides to try some reverse psychology. When her husband staggers in that night, she’s waiting for him in her best lingerie. She sits him in an armchair and gives him a back rub.
“It’s getting late, big boy,” she says after a few minutes. “Why don’t we go upstairs to bed?”
“We might as well,” slurs the husband. “I’m going to be in trouble when I get home, anyway.”
Today’s Word Games
Today’s Texting Abbreviation Quiz:
Today’s Riddle:
Today’s Crossword, Sukoku and Hangman:
Back Page
Today’s Funny Song from Songdrops.com:
Today’s Dilbert. Here’s your daily dose of Dilbert:
Celebrity Birthdays:
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