Today’s Quick Break: July 29, 2010:

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Today’s Quick Break: July 29, 2010:

Today’s Funny Pics

Today’s Funny Sign

Today’s Newspaper Fail

Pic of the Day:

Today’s Cute Shot #1:

Today’s Cute Shot #2:

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Funny English

Did They Say It?

Today’s InnocentEnglish Classics:

Funny Courtroom Mistakes:

~ You don’t know what it was, and you didn’t know what it looked like, but can you describe it?

~ You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
Yes.
And these stairs, did they go up also?

~ Were you alone or by yourself.

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Funny Jokes, Quotes and Lines

Today’s Funny Sayings

~ If a camel flies, no one laughs if it doesn’t get very far.

~ WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

Today’s Stupid Questions:

~ Why do they make scented toilet paper?

~ What do you call a bedroom with no bed in it?

Today’s Stand Up Comedy Quote:

~ That would be cool if you could eat a good food with a bad food and the good food would cover for the bad food when it got to your stomach. Like you could eat a carrot with an onion ring and they would travel down to your stomach, then they would get there, and the carrot would say, “It’s cool, he’s with me.” — Mitch Hedberg

~ I went to the 30th reunion of my preschool. I didn’t want to go, because I’ve put on like a hundred pounds. — Wendy Liebman

Today’s Pick Up Lines: (Use at your own risk!)

~ Hi, my name’s Right…Mr. Right.

~ do u like sleeping? Me too! Wow! Hey, let’s do it together sometime.

Today’s Puns:

~ Seven days without a pun makes one weak.

~ Bakers have a great knead to make bread.

Today’s Funny Southern Expressions:

~ He’s busier than a one-legged man at a butt-kickin contest!

~ I could stand flat footed and piss over a dump truck

Today’s Jokes

~ Visiting the countryside on a hunting trip, the well-dressed man from Stockholm takes aim and shoots a duck. But the fowl drops into a farmer’s field, and the farmer claims it. Since both want it, the farmer suggests settling the dispute with an old fashioned hick-kick. “I kick you as hard as I can in the crotch, then you do the same to me,” he explains. “Whoever screams the least gets the bird.”
The city man agrees. So the farmer winds up and delivers a crushing blow to the man’s privates, and he collapses to the ground. Twenty minutes later, when he finally manages to stand, he gasps, “My turn.”
“Nah,” says the farmer, turning away. “I don’t even like ducks.”

~ Officer: “Soldier, do you have change for a dollar???”
Soldier: “Sure, buddy.”
Officer: “That’s no way to address an officer! Let’s try it again. Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?”
Soldier: “No, sir!”

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