Today’s Quick Break: July 28, 2010:

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Today’s Quick Break: July 28, 2010:

Today’s Funny Pics

Today’s Funny Sign

Today’s Newspaper Fail

Pic of the Day:

Today’s Cute Shot #1:

Today’s Cute Shot #2:

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Funny English

Did They Say It?

Today’s InnocentEnglish Classics:

Funny Signs from Around the World:

~ Sliced children with broccoli, snow peas, carrots, water chestnuts. Served in a spicy brown sauce.

~ Soft shoulder, blind curves, steep grade, big trucks. Good luck!

~ Toilet! Stay in your car.

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Funny Jokes, Quotes and Lines

Today’s Funny Sayings

~ The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.

~ Dyslexics have more fnu.

Today’s Stupid Questions:

~ What happened to the first 6 UP’s?

~ Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

Today’s Stand Up Comedy Quote:

~ I scrambled to the top of the precipice where Nick was waiting. “That was fun,” I said. “You bet it was,” said Nick. “Let’s climb higher.” “No,” I said. “I think we should be heading back now.” “We have time,” Nick insisted. I said we didn’t, and Nick said we did. We argued back and forth like that for about 20 minutes, then finally decided to head back. I didn’t say it was an interesting story. — Jack Handy

~ If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I bet that will really throw you into a panic. — Jack Handy

Today’s Pick Up Lines: (Use at your own risk!)

~ wow that’s a tall glass of water .. and I’m thirsty

~ Hey, Laura! (Big hug). I haven’t seen you forEVER!! (huge kiss) Wow, you’ve really changed! (I’m not Laura) What? Oh my God, you even changed your name!

Today’s Puns:

~ With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

~ Drinking too much coffee can cause a latte problems.

Today’s Funny Southern Expressions:

~ That’s worth about as much as a fart in a bucket.

~ She is so ugly she would stop a MACK truck at 100 yards.

Today’s Jokes

~ The bank manager noticed the new teller was terrible when it came to counting money and adding up figures.
“Where did you get your financial education?” he asks.
“Yale,” replies the lad. The manager is sure he’s misheard the man, so he asks his question again and the man again responds “Yale.”
That can’t be right, thinks the manager. He decides he’s going to check it out online.
“And what’s your full name again?” asks the manager.
“Yim Yohnson.”

~ A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch.

The seaman asks, “So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?” The pirate replies, “We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off.”

“Wow!” said the seaman. “What about your hook”? “Well”, replied the pirate, “We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off.”

“Incredible!” remarked the seaman. “How did you get the eye patch”? “Aye, I remember that day well. You see, A seagull dropping fell into my eye,” replied the pirate.

“You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?,” the sailor asked incredulously. “Well,” said the pirate, “it was my first day with my hook.”

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