<< Today's Quick Break: September 1, 2010: | Today's Quick Break: August 30, 2010: >>
Today’s Quick Break: August 31, 2010:
Today’s Funny Pics
Today’s Funny Sign
Today’s Newspaper Fail
Pic of the Day:
Today’s Cute Shot #1:
Today’s Cute Shot #2:
Funny English
Today’s Texting Abbreviation Quiz:
Today’s Riddle:
Did They Say It?
Today’s InnocentEnglish Classics:
Funny Jokes, Quotes and Lines
Today’s Funny Sayings
Today’s Stupid Questions:
~ Day light savings time – why are they saving it and where do they keep it?
~ When cows laugh, does milk come out of their noses?
Today’s Stand Up Comedy Quote:
~ Eventually, alas, I realized the main purpose of buying cocaine is to run out of it. — George Carlin
~ I wish a robot would get elected president. That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad. — Jack Handy
Today’s Pick Up Lines: (Use at your own risk!)
~ Baby, you must be a broom, because you just swept me off my feet!
~ do u like sleeping? Me too! Wow! Hey, let’s do it together sometime.
Today’s Puns:
~ There once was a snake breeder who had two snakes he was trying to mate. For the life of him, he couldn’t get them within two feet of each other. Frustrated, he called up the local zoologist, and explained the situation. She hurried over, picked up the snakes and looked at them. “You know what I would do?” she said. “See that tree over there? Chop it down, chop off a good sized log, split the log in two, and make two tables out of them. Put the tables and the snakes into a cage, and let them go at it.” Well, the breeder thought that this was insane, but having no other options, he tried it. Sure enough, a few days later he had a whole slew of baby snakes. He called up the zoologist, and asked her how that was possible. She replied, “Well, you see, those snakes were adders. And everybody knows that to get adders to multiply you need log tables.”
~ A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.
Today’s Funny Southern Expressions:
~ I am going to beat you like a red headed stepchild.
~ He’s so dumb he couldn’t piss his name in the snow.
Today’s Jokes
~ Bill and his father are out fishing and drinking beer while discussing football and NASCAR.
All of a sudden Bill says, “Dad, I think I’m gonna divorce my wife. She hasn’t spoken to me in over six months.”
His father, silent for a moment, slowly takes a sip of his beer and says, “Son, you better think it over; a woman like that are hard to find.”
~ Visiting the countryside on a hunting trip, the well-dressed man from Stockholm takes aim and shoots a duck. But the fowl drops into a farmer’s field, and the farmer claims it. Since both want it, the farmer suggests settling the dispute with an old fashioned hick-kick. “I kick you as hard as I can in the crotch, then you do the same to me,” he explains. “Whoever screams the least gets the bird.”
The city man agrees. So the farmer winds up and delivers a crushing blow to the man’s privates, and he collapses to the ground. Twenty minutes later, when he finally manages to stand, he gasps, “My turn.”
“Nah,” says the farmer, turning away. “I don’t even like ducks.”
Today’s Word Games
Today’s Crossword, Sukoku and Hangman:
<< Today's Quick Break: September 1, 2010: | Today's Quick Break: August 30, 2010: >>
COMMENT (Not all comments are approved, including rude comments and those with strong language).
Section: Quick Break
<< Today's Quick Break: September 1, 2010: | Today's Quick Break: August 30, 2010: >>
