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Bush enters 2008 Presidential Race. “I am the Change Candidate!”
President Bush enters race: “I am the Change Candidate!”
President George W. Bush surprised the nation today, announcing he has decided to enter the 2008 Presidential race. Here is his speech in its entirety:
My Fellow Americans, after careful considerizing, I have decided to enter the 2008 Presidential race! I will be the change candidate! Having a President for three terms would be a big change! That would be the first time that has happened in this entire century!
In addition, look at the pathetic field of republican candidates out there! I mean, McCain should be out there playing golf and Scrabble all day, taking naps and reading the paper all day. Like I do. He’s a bit on the gray side to be president don’t you think? Depends. Besides, he can’t get elected with the liberalfulness of his record.
Then there’s Huckleberry and let’s face it- he’s not gonna get elected because the mainstream conservatives just aren’t gonna go for an evangelical freako. I mean that in the respectful sense. We all know you gotta cozy up to the evangelicals, but you don’t give them any real power!
Then there’s Randolph Giulianani. He’s pro life, pro-mistress, and pro 911. He’s just not gonna get the conservatators excited.
And Romney- well you can’t elect a President that isn’t willing to get their hair messed up. And the truth is, I respect Mormons and all, but the fundamentalized conservatories out there aren’t gonna be too excited. That’s just the way the cookie bounces.
So, my fellow Americans, I, President George W. Bush, am announcing my intention to run for a third term. The advantages of electing me for a third term are numerousful, including the signifigantic advantage that this keeps me from having to declare an act of emergency and keep myself in power that ugly but effective way. Cheney’s already got that all worked out- great guy. A heart of cold. I mean gold. But I told him let’s at least give it a try the legitimitized way first.
Now some of you are saying “But a third term is illegal”. But have I ever let the law cease me- or decease me- or not undecease me before? That’s the kind of determination I have! That’s the kind of leader I have been and will continue not to be when I am relectibated! I am the change candidate! A vote for me is a vote to continue with all the changes we’ve been making for the last 8 years!
Thank you, and God bless the United American States. The States of the United Americas. The Late Great U.S. of A!
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Section: politics