These funny limericks were written by and sent in by Albert Van Hoogmoed. Thanks Albert for sending them in. If anyone else would like to send in some original limericks, please feel free.
“Skinny No More”
There once was a fellow named Sarge
who married a psychic named Marge.
The weight soon appeared,
and just as he feared,
his medium became extra-large.
“A Clown on Viagra”
A clown went to Doctor McDougal
with pain in his whatcha-ma-doodle.
With turns of his wrists
and a couple of twists
he’d made it look just like a poodle.
Old Buddy the dog was a male,
made friends with a wag of his tail.
He sniffed someone’s crotch
on the President’s watch.
He sniffed but he didn’t inhale.
“The Hula Dancer”
She danced by the light of the fire,
the object of lust and desire.
A skirt made of grass
had covered her ass
‘til somebody set it on fire.
“Bonfire at the Nudist Camp”
Last weekend they built a big fire.
The flames shot up higher and higher.
Buns were toasted
and wieners were roasted
when folks got too close to the fire.
“At the Retirement Home”
The guys now adore Sadie Fetters.
They send lots of flowers and letters.
It seems they’re in awe
since her doggie bra
made pointers out of her setters.
“Learning Magic in Prison”
A serial killer named Graff
was learning some tricks from the staff.
He learned really quick.
His first magic trick
was sawing a woman in half.
“Titanic Survivors’ Day”
The day starts with prayers in the chapel.
Some people with nightmares still grapple.
Some go for a hike
or tournaments like
ice fishing and bobbing for apples.
“VA Hospital Picnic”
Each year they invite lots of people,
enjoying events by the steeple.
They have lots of fun,
their favorite one,
a 3-legged race with 3 people.
“Impressing the Ladies”
There was a teenager named Lance
who put a big squash in his pants.
It did him no good.
He learned that it should
be placed in the front of his pants.
The funny limericks on this page are by Albert Van Hoogmoed. So are the other ones. ;)
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Section: Funny Poems and Songs