When Life Gives You Lemons...  |  Cute Kittens

Next: Funny Valentine's Day Poems and Sweet Valentine's Poems >>
Previous: << 'Twas the Night Before Christmas Poem and Song: The Famous Poem and Who Wrote it

More Funny Limericks- Sent in by you.

These funny limericks were written by and sent in by Albert Van Hoogmoed. Thanks Albert for sending them in. If anyone else would like to send in some original limericks, please feel free.

“Skinny No More”
There once was a fellow named Sarge
who married a psychic named Marge.
The weight soon appeared,
and just as he feared,
his medium became extra-large.

“A Clown on Viagra”
A clown went to Doctor McDougal
with pain in his whatcha-ma-doodle.
With turns of his wrists
and a couple of twists
he’d made it look just like a poodle.

“Clinton’s Dog”
Old Buddy the dog was a male,
made friends with a wag of his tail.
He sniffed someone’s crotch
on the President’s watch.
He sniffed but he didn’t inhale.

“The Hula Dancer”
She danced by the light of the fire,
the object of lust and desire.
A skirt made of grass
had covered her ass
‘til somebody set it on fire.

“Bonfire at the Nudist Camp”
Last weekend they built a big fire.
The flames shot up higher and higher.
Buns were toasted
and wieners were roasted
when folks got too close to the fire.

“At the Retirement Home”
The guys now adore Sadie Fetters.
They send lots of flowers and letters.
It seems they’re in awe
since her doggie bra
made pointers out of her setters.

“Learning Magic in Prison”
A serial killer named Graff
was learning some tricks from the staff.
He learned really quick.
His first magic trick
was sawing a woman in half.

“Titanic Survivors’ Day”
The day starts with prayers in the chapel.
Some people with nightmares still grapple.
Some go for a hike
or tournaments like
ice fishing and bobbing for apples.

“VA Hospital Picnic”
Each year they invite lots of people,
enjoying events by the steeple.
They have lots of fun,
their favorite one,
a 3-legged race with 3 people.

“Impressing the Ladies”
There was a teenager named Lance
who put a big squash in his pants.
It did him no good.
He learned that it should
be placed in the front of his pants.

The funny limericks on this page are by Albert Van Hoogmoed. So are the other ones.  ;)

Next: Funny Valentine's Day Poems and Sweet Valentine's Poems >>
Previous: << 'Twas the Night Before Christmas Poem and Song: The Famous Poem and Who Wrote it

Comments

10 Responses to “More Funny Limericks- Sent in by you.””

  1. ehrianparker Says:
    February 8th, 2008 at 1:32 pm

    its funny

  2. Benji Says:
    June 10th, 2008 at 5:34 am

    i don’t know who wrote this one, but i’ts always been my favorite.

    “There once was a woman named Bright
    who traveled much faster than light.
    She left one day in a relative way
    and arrived the previous night!”

  3. dean smith Says:
    June 28th, 2008 at 4:34 am

    i made these 2 :
    there was a young man from spain
    who was trapped on a speeding train
    he tried to shout out
    but there was no-one about
    so pulled the emergency chain

    there was a young boy from bude
    who ran around totally nude
    he was caught by his mum
    who smacked his bum
    and told him he was very rude

  4. Dawn Hosna Says:
    December 5th, 2008 at 1:08 pm

    I wrote this one.

    I took my young son to the movies
    it was nothing but cleavage and booties
    So I think we’ll stay home
    until he’s futher grown
    ’cause for now he still thinks girls have cooties.

  5. Mr Anonymous Says:
    October 11th, 2009 at 8:24 pm

    I had a plane ride in which some horribly sick lady was flying. She was possibly lucky to make the flight alive. So in ode to her……..

    To Denver as sickly lady was flying
    walking assistance was needed as she was trying
    She wore a torso brace
    Which contorted her face
    Because I’m sure she was slowly dying!!

    A sickly lady was flying to Denver
    She was sucking down oxygen when ever
    The O-2 in the bottling
    Kept her from mottling
    Though we expect her life soon to sever!!!

    She was wheezing and hacking lung butter
    Other passengers were starting to mutter
    Hubby only could stare
    While monitoring her air
    Though he looked like he just wanted to shutter!

    They aren’t the best lines but it’s the result of rapid jamming.

  6. greg Says:
    August 15th, 2010 at 5:08 pm

    there once was a fish called bob
    whose penis was starting to throb
    so he went to the doc
    who put meds in his cock
    and now he’s leading a fish mob

  7. azza Says:
    August 15th, 2010 at 9:50 pm

    nice limericks and poems

  8. ALAN HORgan & conor Says:
    November 30th, 2010 at 9:59 am

    hi soooooooo badddddddddd

  9. DragonitoD Says:
    June 16th, 2011 at 11:49 pm

    I wrote this one…

    There once was a young man called Jake
    For his birthday, he made a huge cake
    He took it outside
    But slipped, took a ride
    Which threw them all in the deep lake.

  10. DragonitoD Says:
    June 17th, 2011 at 5:01 am

    I just wrote this one in English…

    There was a young man who died
    His life was nothing but pride
    He arrived up above
    With feelings of love
    But for him, Heaven was denied.

COMMENT (Not all comments are approved, including rude comments and those with strong language).

Section: Funny Poems and Songs

Next: Funny Valentine's Day Poems and Sweet Valentine's Poems >>
Previous: << 'Twas the Night Before Christmas Poem and Song: The Famous Poem and Who Wrote it

Click for privacy policy

All content is © InnocentEnglish.com: Funny Jokes, Signs, Pics, Bloopers, English mistakes and More, 2005-2011, or is in the public domain, or is © by the respective copyright holders. Please contact for prompt removal of any inadvertent © content, with apologies.

privacy policy