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Strange Fortune Cookies: Funny but Real Fortune Cookie Fortunes
These are actual fortune cookie fortunes.
Confucius say you have heart as big as Texas.
You have an unusual equipment
for success, use it properly.
Because of your melodic nature,
the moonlight never misses an appointment.
You will gain admiration from your pears.
You will receive a fortune cookie.
Never wear your best pants
when you go to fight for freedom.
A starship ride has been promised to you
by the galactic wizard.
You love Chinese food.
Someone will invite you to a Karaoke party.
Don’t behave with cold manners.
Typed like any other fortune cookie:
Help! I am being held prisoner in a Chinese bakery.
Don’t forget you are always on our minds.
From the same people holding the prisoner?
What you left behind is more mellow than wine
(for a bathroom?)
There is no mistake so great
as that of being always right.
Never forget a friend. Especially if he owes you.
A tub and a rub will change your day.
THAT WASN’T CHICKEN.
Suppose you can get what you want.
If you’re happy and you know it, and you realy want to show it, if you’re happy and you know it, eat a monkey.
“Its about time I got out of that cookie.”
(sent in by Michael-Asheville, NC)
Another site with great fortune cookie fortunes is weirdfortunecookies.com/
Page Topic: Funny Real Fortune Cookie Fortunes
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14 Responses to “Strange Fortune Cookies: Funny but Real Fortune Cookie Fortunes””
COMMENT (Not all comments are approved, including rude comments and those with strong language).
Section: Funny English from Around the World
February 12th, 2008 at 7:27 pm
Eat your vegetable and you will be strong like Popeye
February 17th, 2008 at 9:44 am
u will achieve greatness………….in bed!!!! LOL
February 19th, 2008 at 9:11 am
“It’s good enough, but it could be better”
March 24th, 2008 at 7:29 pm
a closed mouth gathers no feet
April 7th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
I’ve found that fortunes from PF Chang’s and Pei Wei tend to have the best, or most inspirational fortune cookies.
However, I find the random and funny ones from the mom and pop restaurant down the street. My favorite is “you will make a great lawyer.”
April 8th, 2008 at 7:45 am
Received last night:
“Consolidate your interest
while the lights are active.”
Hmmm.
May 7th, 2008 at 10:42 am
‘Don’t trouble trouble until trouble troubles you’
May 27th, 2008 at 10:04 pm
LOL! The “You will recieve a Fortune Cookie” one was Hilarious! Lol, Had me Crackin! Thanks!! LOl
July 9th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
I got the “tub and a rub” cookie message, but instead of “your,” it said “our.” “A tub and a rub will change our day.” Whose day? Mine and the Chinese food guy’s?
July 23rd, 2008 at 3:05 pm
This is my favorite by far!
“He who farts in church, sits in his own pew!”
July 30th, 2008 at 9:09 pm
one time i got a fortune that said
“If you think you’re too small to be effective, you’ve never been in bed with a mosquito.”
August 3rd, 2008 at 7:15 pm
My fortune said “A small lucky package is on its way to you soon” now when i first read that i got the wrong idea…
August 14th, 2008 at 11:23 pm
add in bed at the end of each one!!!!!!!
August 22nd, 2008 at 11:17 pm
That cookie was poison