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Strange Fortune Cookies: Funny but Real Fortune Cookie Fortunes
These are actual fortune cookie fortunes.
Confucius say you have heart as big as Texas.
You have an unusual equipment
for success, use it properly.
Because of your melodic nature,
the moonlight never misses an appointment.
You will gain admiration from your pears.
You will receive a fortune cookie.
Never wear your best pants
when you go to fight for freedom.
A starship ride has been promised to you
by the galactic wizard.
You love Chinese food.
Someone will invite you to a Karaoke party.
Don’t behave with cold manners.
Typed like any other fortune cookie:
Help! I am being held prisoner in a Chinese bakery.
Don’t forget you are always on our minds.
From the same people holding the prisoner?
What you left behind is more mellow than wine
(for a bathroom?)
There is no mistake so great
as that of being always right.
Never forget a friend. Especially if he owes you.
A tub and a rub will change your day.
THAT WASN’T CHICKEN.
Suppose you can get what you want.
If you’re happy and you know it, and you realy want to show it, if you’re happy and you know it, eat a monkey.
“Its about time I got out of that cookie.”
(sent in by Michael-Asheville, NC)
Another site with great fortune cookie fortunes is weirdfortunecookies.com/
Page Topic: Funny Real Fortune Cookie Fortunes
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40 Responses to “Strange Fortune Cookies: Funny but Real Fortune Cookie Fortunes””
COMMENT (Not all comments are approved, including rude comments and those with strong language).
Section: Funny English from Around the World
February 12th, 2008 at 7:27 pm
Eat your vegetable and you will be strong like Popeye
February 17th, 2008 at 9:44 am
u will achieve greatness………….in bed!!!! LOL
February 19th, 2008 at 9:11 am
“It’s good enough, but it could be better”
March 24th, 2008 at 7:29 pm
a closed mouth gathers no feet
April 7th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
I’ve found that fortunes from PF Chang’s and Pei Wei tend to have the best, or most inspirational fortune cookies.
However, I find the random and funny ones from the mom and pop restaurant down the street. My favorite is “you will make a great lawyer.”
April 8th, 2008 at 7:45 am
Received last night:
“Consolidate your interest
while the lights are active.”
Hmmm.
May 7th, 2008 at 10:42 am
‘Don’t trouble trouble until trouble troubles you’
May 27th, 2008 at 10:04 pm
LOL! The “You will recieve a Fortune Cookie” one was Hilarious! Lol, Had me Crackin! Thanks!! LOl
July 9th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
I got the “tub and a rub” cookie message, but instead of “your,” it said “our.” “A tub and a rub will change our day.” Whose day? Mine and the Chinese food guy’s?
July 23rd, 2008 at 3:05 pm
This is my favorite by far!
“He who farts in church, sits in his own pew!”
July 30th, 2008 at 9:09 pm
one time i got a fortune that said
“If you think you’re too small to be effective, you’ve never been in bed with a mosquito.”
August 3rd, 2008 at 7:15 pm
My fortune said “A small lucky package is on its way to you soon” now when i first read that i got the wrong idea…
August 14th, 2008 at 11:23 pm
add in bed at the end of each one!!!!!!!
August 22nd, 2008 at 11:17 pm
That cookie was poison
September 5th, 2008 at 2:38 pm
this is a good one if u ask me “im better then the average cookie”
September 13th, 2008 at 5:11 pm
“You have an unusual equipment
for success, use it properly..in bed”
October 17th, 2008 at 11:14 am
seriously, if your fortune cookie doesn’t make since, say “in bed” after it.
You will achieve greatness…in bed
Your fire burns larger than others…in bed
but then there’s one’s that don’t make since with it.
Your mind is like a river, always flowing.. in bed?
October 21st, 2008 at 2:39 pm
Got this last night…. If a turtle has doesn’t have a shell, is he naked or homeless?
October 30th, 2008 at 5:48 pm
“You are pretty.” :)
November 2nd, 2008 at 7:40 pm
“Had a good meal? Get one to go.”
November 26th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
someone thinks you are wondefully mysterious
December 13th, 2008 at 1:08 pm
The fortune you seek is in another cookie…i got that one last night!!
December 23rd, 2008 at 7:22 pm
The answers you seek are in Amsterdam…
December 25th, 2008 at 10:34 pm
Dont get on the plane
December 30th, 2008 at 8:23 pm
smile, a secret message from your teeth, lol my dad got this one
January 6th, 2009 at 5:04 pm
The one that says “You will recieve a fortune cookie” is stupid but funny’ lol
February 16th, 2009 at 8:36 pm
I received on that said, “Give a kiss to the person sitting next to you,” not a fortune but by far my favorite lol
February 24th, 2009 at 5:58 pm
wow
March 25th, 2009 at 12:51 pm
My most recent one was, “It’s all right to have butterflies in your stomach. Just get them to fly in formation.”
March 31st, 2009 at 12:09 pm
my friend got one that says:
“Come back later. I am sleeping. (Yes, fortune cookies need sleep, too.)”
April 1st, 2009 at 3:08 pm
An alien of some sort will be appearing to you shortly
April 7th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
I got one once from Panda Express that said (no joke) “Pleasures await you by the seashore.”
April 25th, 2009 at 6:56 pm
I got this one years ago.. “Confucius say he who place egg on hill may someday have eggroll”
April 30th, 2009 at 10:42 am
Figure this one out:
“Love is the law, love under will.”
May 26th, 2009 at 1:09 pm
I got this one the other night when I ordered Chinese food when I was home alone: “Be cautious of wandering in the darkness alone.”
July 26th, 2009 at 6:08 am
My favorite fortune of all time is taped to my kitchen window and says, “The rubber bands are heading in the right direction.” Not sure what it means, but it sounds good to me. ;)
August 13th, 2009 at 11:14 am
Do not kiss an elephant on the lips today- is by far my favorite but i have also got pick another fortune cookie and Confucius say man who stands on toilet is high on pot.
August 18th, 2009 at 8:45 am
I got one that said “Don’t Panic” once… Can anyone say, Douglas Adams?
August 30th, 2009 at 1:38 am
My mom got an empty one once. And once I got one that said, “Harsh words break no bones, fine words butter no parsnips.” The weirdest one ever, though, was when my mom, my dad, both of my brothers, and myself all got the same fortune. I don’t remember what it said, but we all had the same exact fortune.
October 14th, 2009 at 8:30 pm
i got one that said “wow! a secret message from your tooth!” it made my day =D