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Stupid Sayings and Quotes
The best really stupid sayings and quotes from bumper stickers, T-shirts, & graffiti.Diplomacy is the art of saying ‘Nice doggie!’… till you can find a rock.
Sex on television can’t hurt you… unless you fall off.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm
Drink ’till she’s cute, but stop before the wedding
Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines
Page Topic: Stupid Sayings and Quotes
Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
I’m not cheap, but I am on special this week
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol
I intend to live forever – so far, so good
I love defenseless animals, especially in gravy.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
If you ain’t makin’ waves, you ain’t kickin’ hard enough!
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
BEER: It’s not just for breakfast anymore.
I got a gun for my wife, best trade I’ve ever made.
So you’re a feminist…Isn’t that cute, honey!
Anyone can give up smoking, but it takes a real man to face cancer.
Mental backup in progress – Do Not Disturb!
Mind Like A Steel Trap – Rusty And Illegal In 37 States
Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Give a man a free hand and he’ll run it all over you.
If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder…
24 hours in a day … 24 beers in a case …coincidence?
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
something.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.
Page Topic: A collection of the best really dumb, funny, stupid, hilarious, cute and witty sayings, quotes, bumper stickers, t-shirts and graffiti humorous one-liners and sayings.
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144 Responses to “Stupid Sayings and Quotes””
COMMENT (Not all comments are approved, including rude comments and those with strong language).
Section: Stupid, Funny Quotes, Questions & Sayings
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January 9th, 2008 at 10:11 pm
Why do dumb people get wisdom teeth?I guess for them they`re called wis-dumb teeth
January 22nd, 2008 at 6:52 pm
I swear to drunk I’m not God.
February 19th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
those are cool
but some i dont get
lol
February 25th, 2008 at 5:40 pm
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
February 25th, 2008 at 7:53 pm
When life gives you lemons…. you throw it at mean people and hope it gets in their eyes.
Life is tough….. GET A HELMET!
Why isn’t the #11 pronounced onety-one
When cheese gets it’s picture taken… what does it say?
Last night I played a blank tape and full blast…the mime next door went nuts.
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
March 5th, 2008 at 8:43 pm
I’m not as think as you dumb i am!!!
March 5th, 2008 at 8:48 pm
When life gives you lemons: (3 choices)
A. Suck out all of the vitamin C and yell “EAT THAT, LIFE!!!1″
B. sit in the darkest corner and cut…
C. Find your best friend and say. “Life told me to give this to you. Appearently he got my cake mixed up with your lemons!”
Don’t be harsh… i made two of those up> XP
April 2nd, 2008 at 7:39 am
If I ate a bowl of alphabits this morning I could crap out better jokes than these ; P
April 9th, 2008 at 5:39 pm
he who laughs last thinks the slowest
April 28th, 2008 at 2:07 pm
There is always a light at the end of the tunnel, lets pray it is not a train.
April 29th, 2008 at 8:02 am
When life gives you lemons ask for salt and tequila!
May 9th, 2008 at 9:04 pm
I saw this frisbe coming my way and i wonered why it was getting bigger and bigger, then it hit me.
May 30th, 2008 at 4:54 pm
When life gives you lemons, make orange juice, then wonder how the heck you did it.
June 5th, 2008 at 9:20 pm
I’m not running away from my problems!!!!!! I’m just hiding from them!
June 20th, 2008 at 9:51 am
in a library where do they put the bible non fiction or fiction
June 26th, 2008 at 3:17 pm
when life throw you lemons…
SHUT UP AND EAT YOUR DAMN LEMONS!!!!!
July 10th, 2008 at 10:29 pm
HAHAHAHAHAH, Whats wioth the lemons!?
its so bloody halarious, im pissing myself.
Good One guys!
- When life gives you lemons ask for salt and tequila!
- When life gives you lemons…. you throw it at mean people and hope it gets in their eyes.
- When life gives you lemons, make orange juice, then wonder how the heck you did it.
- when life throw you lemons…
SHUT UP AND EAT YOUR DAMN LEMONS!!!!!
July 18th, 2008 at 3:58 am
Addiction takes commitment!
I’m not as think as you drunk I am!
If you think I’m a bitch, wait until you meet my mother!
When life throws you lemons… Chuck them right back and say, ‘I ordered a martini, Waiter!’
Never turn down a chance to yell, ‘STUFF THEM ALL!’
If you are in need of self-esteem, stand in front of your mirror and shout, ‘I am beautiful! I am perfect! I ROCK!’ This always works if you want some elbow room in public toilets.
August 13th, 2008 at 7:48 am
When life gives you lemons… Squeeze Them In Peoples Eyes!
Give a man a hand and he’ll slap you with it!
i Rock !
cripplefit..x
August 29th, 2008 at 3:47 am
pessimist:a person that looks both ways before crossing a one way street
September 6th, 2008 at 5:24 pm
Friendship is like peeing on yourself, everyone sees it, but only you get the warm feeling it brings.
September 15th, 2008 at 5:51 pm
if you dont want you lemons throw them back at life
September 18th, 2008 at 11:36 pm
Captian Obvious strikes again!!!
September 28th, 2008 at 6:21 pm
Life is a three ring circus: Engagement ring, Wedding ring and suffering…
October 21st, 2008 at 12:17 am
Okay When life gives you lemons… collect them one day life will stop and u would have the most lemons ever.
October 24th, 2008 at 6:43 pm
If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving is definitely not for you.
October 26th, 2008 at 9:26 am
Life is a waste of time.
Time is a waste of life.
So get wasted all the time..
and have the time of your life!
October 29th, 2008 at 5:45 pm
those comments all suck get a life and dont try to make up dumb jokes they just make all you pathetic losers look dumb your not making the jokes the jokes are making you
October 29th, 2008 at 5:47 pm
When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
November 5th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
When life hands you lemons, throw them back and start over.
To do is to be-satre
To bes is to do-socrates
Do be doo bee do-Sinatra!!!
November 5th, 2008 at 1:36 pm
my gamer fragged your honer student
November 18th, 2008 at 11:13 pm
when you’re in a war instead of throwing hand grenades you should throw pumpkins because it will get the enemy to understand how dumb and pointless war is and while they’re thinking you can throw a real grenade at them!
December 4th, 2008 at 7:42 am
HAHAHA!!! THE SAYINGS AR3 FUNNY BUT Y3T SOM3 I DIDNT G3T LOL!!!!!!
December 7th, 2008 at 7:13 am
China is a large country inhabited by many chinese (charles De gaule (im a shit speller i dono if it is))
December 18th, 2008 at 11:13 am
When life gives you lemons squeeze it in someone eye and hall @##
Everything Happens for a reason Excpet for clowns i mean seriously what the heck.
i’m not felling myself 2day may i feel u?
I did not hit you i simpliy high fived your face
December 26th, 2008 at 11:33 pm
when life gives u lemons find someone who’s life has given them vodka nd through a party
February 22nd, 2009 at 6:13 am
I’m multi-talented, i can talk and piss you off at the same time
February 24th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
when life gives you lemons? Stuff them up your top and make you boobs bigger!! :P
March 25th, 2009 at 8:15 pm
When life gives you lemons I say f*** the lemons and bail
-forgetting sarah marshall
April 15th, 2009 at 11:11 am
Loves a Sensation,
Caused by Temtation,
A Man sticks his location,
Into the girls destination,
To increase the population,
For the next generation,
Do you understand my explanation,
Or do you need a demonstration?
April 17th, 2009 at 5:28 am
this website is dumb
how many of these do u actually
think are funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
April 19th, 2009 at 12:24 pm
I got some funny quotes =P
-When I finally met Mr. Right I had no idea his first name was Always!
-The more you think about things, the weirder they seem. Take milk for example. Why do we drink [cow] milk? Who was the first person who looked at a cows udder and thought “Im gonna drink whatever comes out of these things when i squeeze them”?
And
-Know what Im thinking? No. Neither do I. Isn’t that frightening?
Hope ya liked them!
May 6th, 2009 at 6:02 am
If life throws you lemons, make lemonde.
May 20th, 2009 at 3:41 am
Занимательная и интересная статья у вас. В отличие от большинства других похожих почти нет воды! :)
June 2nd, 2009 at 8:58 am
what do u get when u dross a elaphant and i rino???
eliphino
June 4th, 2009 at 11:45 pm
VAGETA, WHAT DOES THE SCOUTER SAY ABOUT HIS POWER LEVEL?
ITS OVER 9000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
June 8th, 2009 at 1:49 pm
if you can’t fix it with an asprin you have a serious problem!
when in doubt google it
if you die in an elevator make sure you press the up button
shit happens…miracles take a little longer
June 11th, 2009 at 6:16 am
Yeah this really blows chunk’s … but hey I did do a search for dumb quotes…haha…who knew!!
June 17th, 2009 at 9:59 am
when life gives you lemons throw them at stupid people
June 18th, 2009 at 7:23 am
UM YUM YUM YUM YUM CAKE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! XD
July 5th, 2009 at 8:56 am
I found out why dogs drink out of the toilet. My friend told me it’s because it’s cold in there. And I’m like: How did he know that!
MICHAEL JACKSON’S LAST WORDS “TAKE ME TO CHILDREN’S HOSPITAL”
Here’s to you and here’s to me, and I hope we never disagree. But, if that should ever be, to HELL with you, here’s to ME!
July 19th, 2009 at 7:34 pm
when life gives you lemons sqweez thm in ppls cuts and run like hell!
July 22nd, 2009 at 8:06 pm
When life give’s you lemons, stop making lemon jokes, the world has enough.
July 24th, 2009 at 6:18 am
guns dont kill people husbands that come home early do….
July 31st, 2009 at 5:47 pm
“Don’t you think you’re underreacting?”
October 20th, 2009 at 8:58 pm
If I post an ORIGINAL lemon joke will everyone stop?
good:
When life gives you lemons, hope life also gave you sugar or your lemonade is gunna suck.
October 28th, 2009 at 12:48 am
don’t drink and drive… u might hit a bump and spill your drink.
help i’ve fallen over and can’t…Hey! nice carpet
if at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence you tried.
If the early bird catches the worm, what about the worm?
if you choke a smurf what colour does it turn?
two wrongs dont make a right but three lefts do
If god is inside us, then I hope he likes Fajita’s, cause that’s what he’s getting.
If I look confused it’s because I’m thinking.
If 50 million people say a foolish thing, it’s still a foolish thing.
October 28th, 2009 at 12:52 am
I’m a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I’m perfect.
I’m not normally a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman!
I’m not paranoid, they really are after me.
He who laughs last probably doesn’t understand the joke
Why is the word ‘Abbreviation’ so long?
Error. Keyboard not found. Press any key to continue…
As I said before, I never repeat myself.
October 28th, 2009 at 10:12 pm
three guys walked into a bar. the fourth guy ducked.
October 28th, 2009 at 10:17 pm
when you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
if earth is our mother, who’s our grandmother?
November 2nd, 2009 at 12:03 am
nobody knows anything but the people that do do not tell anyone
November 5th, 2009 at 3:54 pm
I love to procrastinate, but I keep putting it off.
November 9th, 2009 at 6:12 am
besr site i ever seen!!!!!!!!!
November 14th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
whats the dumbest question???!!
asking a pregnant woman is she virgin …:P
November 14th, 2009 at 1:44 pm
Not a lemon one!:
If life gives you skittles, throw them at random people and yell “TASTE THE FREAKING RAINBOW!”
November 29th, 2009 at 9:46 pm
When life gives you lemons, throw them back and ask for the oranges you originally paid for.
November 30th, 2009 at 4:12 pm
You tried your best and you failed miserably…lesson is, never try!!
gotta love homer simpson
December 7th, 2009 at 5:47 am
My wife and i were happy for 20 years… then we met.
December 23rd, 2009 at 9:44 am
don’t hurt yorself thinking it will make you dumb
December 27th, 2009 at 4:54 am
-How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive? – Homer Simpson
-Milhouse: Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? *Why did I have the bowl?*
-Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils
-Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
December 28th, 2009 at 8:55 am
I dont hav a drinking problem.I drink,I get drunk,I pass out,no problem!
Im:
unreliable
irrisponsible
immature
disorganised
innoficiant
and unmotivated
but…
IM FUN!
no 1 dies a virgin,life screwz us all!
January 2nd, 2010 at 6:11 am
I just realized that I don’t have enough money to have a mid-life crisis…
January 11th, 2010 at 9:11 pm
shop sighn: antique tables made daily.
January 19th, 2010 at 11:42 pm
my imaginary friend thinks i have mental problems.
i do whatever my rice krispies tell me to.
i hear mimes.
January 29th, 2010 at 9:55 pm
Why is it called the roof of your mouth if its actually the ceiling?
February 25th, 2010 at 9:16 pm
Where does all the WHITE go when the snow melts??
March 8th, 2010 at 2:05 pm
Common sense is no longer so common.
March 10th, 2010 at 9:27 pm
When life gives you lemons, you SQUIRT them in your enemies eyes.
Where there’s a will there’s a way and where there’s a way you’ll usually find a stop sign.
If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
March 15th, 2010 at 12:36 pm
Do the people in mickey mouse costumes at disneyland, smile for the camera.
March 30th, 2010 at 4:50 pm
Overall, the quotes are good, but you need one more. ” When live gives you lemons, make grape juice, and sit back, relax, and laugh as the world tries to figure out how you did it.”
“Your not the smartest pop tart in the crayon box are we now.”
Thanks, bye!
March 31st, 2010 at 9:09 am
Reality’s a bitch!….fantasy is better and easier to control
April 21st, 2010 at 6:20 am
If life hands you lemons you should be all like – where the hell did these lemons just come from? Then sell them on ebay for lots of money as ‘the lemons that just materialized from another dimension’ then write a book about how other dimensions are trying to communicate with us through lemons and sell the movie rights to James Cameron for the next box office hit. I’ll take those lemons anytime.
April 26th, 2010 at 11:02 pm
i dont know, is it correct to say pregnancy is a sexually transmitted infection!
May 10th, 2010 at 7:16 pm
When life gives you lemons throw them at the people you dont like
my imaginary freind took out a restraining order against me
a good friend will bail you out of jail a great friend will be sitting next to you saying dang we screwed up
after your house cathes on fire a good friend will make sure your ok but a really good friend will be sitting there with you hitten on the hot firemen
May 21st, 2010 at 12:56 am
Be a nerd – no one can kill what already has no life
May 22nd, 2010 at 2:43 pm
It’s better to be pissed off than pissed on.
May 22nd, 2010 at 6:13 pm
If lifee gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
Anyone wonder why dyslexic is so hard to spell?
May 23rd, 2010 at 7:00 pm
When life gives you lemons look up at the sky and say, “WHY LEMONS??!?!?!?!?!? THERE TOO SOUR!!!!!!!!!!”\
May 24th, 2010 at 5:51 pm
two beer or not two beer( shakesbeer)
May 24th, 2010 at 6:20 pm
jk… just stop with the lemon jokes… they are lame
May 30th, 2010 at 1:14 am
when life gives me lemons, i ask who the hell are you? what are the lemons for? why in gods name are you giving me them? i didnt ask for no damn lemons! oh and by the way…. what the HELL were your parents thinking when they called you life??
May 31st, 2010 at 10:05 pm
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
June 8th, 2010 at 1:37 am
beauty lies in the number of beers taken..
June 18th, 2010 at 4:58 pm
If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea does that mean the fifth one enjoys it?
June 20th, 2010 at 3:49 pm
the world makes all sorts of medicine including pills for anxiety depression anger etc. but they havent seemed to make any kind of medicine for stupid… thats just because you cant fix stupid!
June 20th, 2010 at 3:50 pm
81% of all statistics are made up on the spot
June 28th, 2010 at 4:30 pm
im proud of myself cuz i finished a jigsaw puzzle in six months and the box said 2-4 years
I herd hellen keller fell into a well and screamed her hands off
I Dream of a better world…where chikens can cross the road without having ther motives questioned
July 13th, 2010 at 11:16 am
“When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep — not screaming, like the passengers in his car.”
“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is.”
“What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?”
“If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking, and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?”
“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you’re a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”
“You know your old when you go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.”
July 19th, 2010 at 8:28 pm
You’re as useless to me as a jelly sandwich to a drowning rabbit.
I didn’t fall. I was testing gravity. It still works.
An idiot is the 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work.
Kids in backseats cause accidents, accidents in backseats cause kids.
In the memo field for all your checks, write “for sexual favors”.
July 29th, 2010 at 11:56 pm
If life throws you lemons..make Grape juice..then wonder how in the world you did it!
Want some? Step up!
August 2nd, 2010 at 12:42 am
First off, sorry for the lemon thing, but…
When life gives you lemons, throw lemons back at life and tell it to make its own damn lemonade.
Again, sorry.
August 27th, 2010 at 1:19 am
All this crap about lemons are weird… since WHEN could ‘life’ throw lemons???
August 29th, 2010 at 5:49 pm
everyone has a gift. Some open the package sooner!
August 31st, 2010 at 6:35 am
Actually, I wouldn’t want him on my doorstep wearing nothing but a bow for Christmas….I would be disappointed because it’s cold out! But then again….I WOULD get to warm him up…..”
August 31st, 2010 at 6:35 am
My teacher said I could become anything so I became drunk
September 7th, 2010 at 7:29 am
NO NO NO!!!
The real lemon joke:
ADHD individual: “When life gives you lemons…hmmmm, I wanna go ride my bike” :)
September 14th, 2010 at 3:43 am
nice website. made me laugh
September 19th, 2010 at 7:59 am
life is NOT like a box of chocolates, Its more like a jar of jalapenos what you do today might burn your ass tomarrow
September 29th, 2010 at 2:01 pm
yes, madam, I am drunk. But in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly…… :P
September 29th, 2010 at 2:02 pm
I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it.
October 5th, 2010 at 3:29 pm
when life gives you lemons. make grape juice then sit back and think hoy the hell did i do that
October 5th, 2010 at 9:16 pm
When life gives you lemons just run! – Free Lemons there the best type of lemons
October 12th, 2010 at 12:58 am
“Books have knowledge, knowledge is power, power corrupts, corruption is a crime, and crime doesn’t pay… so if you keep reading, you’ll go broke.”
“If you see light and the end of the tunnel, it might be an oncoming dragon.”
“If you think things can’t get worse, it’s probably because you lack sufficient imagination.”
November 4th, 2010 at 5:02 am
at what price does the life takes lemon back, cz i have gt a lot of lemons to throw on life…:)
November 11th, 2010 at 6:57 pm
when life gives u lemons do as i do make a martini
-21 jumpstreet the first episode
November 16th, 2010 at 9:13 pm
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
December 2nd, 2010 at 1:46 pm
When life gives you lemons, make sure there’s also a gift reciept.
December 2nd, 2010 at 11:41 pm
When life gives you lemons, keep them, heck they are free.
XD
December 5th, 2010 at 10:17 am
very nice
thanx
December 7th, 2010 at 9:53 am
When life gives you lemons, you don’t have to be worry who’s gonna clean up all your dishes! LOL
January 11th, 2011 at 12:40 am
A.M.A.Z.I.N.G.!!!!!!
January 16th, 2011 at 10:15 am
I hate when I wish on a star then I realized it was just an airplane.
You have more issues than a magazine stand.
January 22nd, 2011 at 7:18 pm
When life gives you chocolates and a rose, you know life is trying to score with you.
January 24th, 2011 at 12:51 am
Don’t pee on my leg & tell me, “hey! Its raining!”
January 27th, 2011 at 11:10 pm
God gave men a penis and a brain, but only enough blood to run one at a time.
February 4th, 2011 at 5:49 am
LOLL at no.40, thats gotta go down as one of the BEST in my books :D
February 8th, 2011 at 9:55 pm
when life gives you lemons, Freeze them than sit on top of your roof and throw them at passing cars…
February 13th, 2011 at 11:31 am
if life throw’s you lemons,collect them until life runs out of lemons!!!!haha
February 15th, 2011 at 11:29 pm
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger
What does kill you makes you dead
February 18th, 2011 at 2:06 pm
“Here’s to our Wives and Girlfriends, may they never meet” =0)~
February 18th, 2011 at 2:07 pm
“What doesn’t kill me had better be able to run away fast.” =0)~
February 18th, 2011 at 2:09 pm
“DEJA MOO: The feeling that you’ve heard this bull before.” =0)~
February 18th, 2011 at 2:10 pm
“Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms. Who’s bringing the chips?” =0)~
February 18th, 2011 at 2:11 pm
“What am I? Flypaper for freaks!” =0)~
February 18th, 2011 at 2:12 pm
“Somebody needs to rub my belly and tell me I’m pretty.” =0)~
February 23rd, 2011 at 10:31 am
when life gives you lemmons make apple juice then laugh while everyones tryna figure out what the hell you did. hahaha
March 2nd, 2011 at 1:06 pm
Paper beats rock huh? Well how about i throw a rock at you and you defend yourself with a piece of paper?
March 2nd, 2011 at 1:22 pm
Stop it with the lemon jokes seriously!!!!
March 3rd, 2011 at 4:54 pm
seriously stop it with those stupid lemon jokes,
March 14th, 2011 at 10:36 pm
Last Night I was looking up at the stars wondering… where the hell is my ceiling
I’m not prejudice… I hate everyone equally
I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you jump off a bridge, I laugh even harder
I called your boyfriend gay and he slapped me with his purse
Men are like slinkies. They bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.
There’s no such things as stupid questions, only stupid people who ask questions.
I’m not random. I just have a lot of- HEY LOOK! A SQUIRELL!
March 15th, 2011 at 11:43 pm
Skydivings over rated!who the hell jumps out of a perfectly good plane!
April 27th, 2011 at 8:16 am
have you seen helen kellers dog?
she hasn’t either.
June 6th, 2011 at 4:03 pm
Your number of friends on Facebook is inversely proportional to your number of friends in real life!
June 10th, 2011 at 2:19 am
ohh. here is one of my favs. I ate my homework cuz my teacher said it was a piece of cake. – She lied