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Funny Epitaphs and Tombstones from old cemeteries
Most of these funny cemetery tombstone epitaphs came from graveyards in the old West, where it was often left to acquaintances or even strangers to choose the words on a tombstone, and where a sense of humor was a survivor tool. Some came from elsewhere in the U.S., and some from England or elsewhere. many of these funny epitpahs are well-documented, and some can still be found. Boot Hill, in Tombstone Arizona, and also Boot Hill, in Dodge City, Kansas, have several preserved.
Here are some of the funniest epitaphs:
It was a Cough
That carried him Off
It was a Coffin
They Carried him Off In
On an attorney’s tombstone:
Goembel
John E.
1867-1946
“The defense rests”
Here lies Johnny Yeast.
Pardon me For not rising.
Ruidoso, New Mexico
Jedediah Goodwin
Auctioneer
Born 1828
Going!
Going!!
Gone!!!
1876
Stranger tread
This ground with gravity.
Dentist Brown
Is filling his last cavity.
Here Lies Jane Smith
Wife of Thomas Smith
Marble Cutter:
This Monument Erected
By Her Husband
As A Tribute
To Her Memory.
Monuments of this style
are 250 Dollars.
Effie Jean Robinson
1897-1922
Come blooming youths,
as you pass by ,
And on these lines do cast an eye.
As you are now, so once was I;
As I am now, so must you be;
Prepare for death and follow me.
Upon which someone scribbled:
To follow you
I am not content,
How do I know
Which way you went.
Here lies Lester Moore.
Four slugs
From a forty-four.
No Les
No More.
Here lies Johnny Cole.
Who died upon my soul
After eating a plentiful dinner.
While chewing his crust
He was turned into dust
With his crimes undigested -
poor sinner.
Bill Blake
Was hanged by mistake.
Here lays Butch.
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger
But slow on the draw.
Here lies a man named Zeke.
Second fastest draw
in Cripple Creek.
Here lies the body of Arkansas Jim.
We made the mistake, But the joke’s on him.
He called
Bill Smith
A Liar
I would
rather be here
than in Texas.
Here lies the body
Of Margaret Bent
She kicked up her heels
And away she went.
He got a fish-bone
in his throat
and then he sang
an angel note.
She was not smart,
she was not fair,
But hearts with grief
for her are swellin’;
All empty stands
her little chair:
She died of eatin’
water-mellon.
Rebecca Freeland
1741
She drank good ale,
good punch and wine
And lived to the age of 99.
Beneath this stone,
a lump of clay,
Lies stingy Jimmy Wyatt.
Who died one morning just at ten
And saved a dinner by it.
here lies AN athiest, John Doe
All dressed up and no place to go!
Here he lies, James T. Carson
He blew up his wife
and was hung for arson.
Here lies the body
of John Round.
Lost at sea
and never found.
And here’s an epitaph with a funny double meaning-
you might have to think about it…
Here lies Barnard Lightfoot
Who was accidentally killed
in the 45th year of his age.
This monument was erected
by his grateful family.
Page Topic: Funny Epitaphs and Tombstones
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38 Responses to “Funny Epitaphs and Tombstones from old cemeteries””
COMMENT (Not all comments are approved, including rude comments and those with strong language).
Section: Stupid, Funny Quotes, Questions & Sayings
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March 31st, 2008 at 6:49 am
Here lies lesleyann dee,
who died while eating a pea,
she had a stroke,
which made her choke,
in her freezer
cya later geezer!
March 31st, 2008 at 6:51 am
Here lies sammy burgess
and miss abbot too
they died while making
love on the loo
Goodnight
April 6th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
Looked up the elevator shaft
To see if the car was on the way down.
It was!
October 30th, 2008 at 4:12 pm
well living men view my tomb,
just remember theres room for you.
October 30th, 2008 at 4:13 pm
Here lies the body of John O’Day,
Who died maintaining his right of way,
His way was right, his will was strong,
But he’s just as dead as if he were wrong
March 4th, 2009 at 3:33 pm
Here lies an old man named Bert
Peoples’ feelings he liked to hurt
The children were sad
The adults are mad
And now he’s buried in dirt
=)
note:this may be stupid, im only 13
March 31st, 2009 at 10:17 am
im a dead dude
June 1st, 2009 at 7:12 pm
it was snowing as i got out of bed
i went outside to ride my sled
i crashed into a tree and hit my head
now i lye there dead
June 5th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
Here lies the body of Richard Broughton
Whose death, alas, was strangely brought on.
Trying his corns one day to mow off,
His razor slipped and cut his toe off.
His toe, or rather, what it grew to
An inflammation quickly few to.
Which took, alas, to mortifying,
And was the cause of Richard’s dying.
July 20th, 2009 at 1:48 pm
“I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK!”
October 21st, 2009 at 6:38 pm
here lies
i.m.
dead
put a bullet through his head
October 27th, 2009 at 3:23 pm
6 feet down
The dirty hound
watch yer step
never more
October 27th, 2009 at 3:39 pm
Farewell Governor Halifax
paid his own Hanging tax
which stretched his patience
and his neck
November 13th, 2009 at 5:01 pm
“I lived my life, but now I’m dead.
Obviously I don’t want any visitors,
so get it through your thick head!”
*Note* Seriously, I intend to have this put into my will and carved onto my tombstone, or something much like it.
December 28th, 2009 at 4:50 pm
“If you can read this your standing on my Balls!
Wish you were here.”
February 16th, 2010 at 6:26 pm
here she lies old mother magee
died at the age of a hundred and three
for fifty three years she kept her virginity
not a bad record for this vicinity!
February 16th, 2010 at 10:12 pm
Here lies Angelica
With hair of red
We realized she was on fire
After she was already dead.
February 27th, 2010 at 5:19 pm
I want this on my tombstone:
Be right back
April 2nd, 2010 at 10:35 pm
here lies the body of jonathon hauer,
who cut of the ground instead of the power.
April 8th, 2010 at 1:38 am
Rest in pieces
This will go on my tombstone
April 8th, 2010 at 2:36 pm
Where you stand,
once stood I.
Thanks a lot
for stopping by.
April 8th, 2010 at 4:05 pm
A Busy Man’s Epitaph
Here lies a man, who let the joy of living wait.
He waited too long, and now it’s too late!
October 12th, 2010 at 7:55 am
ahhh and there was me thinking my wife loved me
October 12th, 2010 at 7:56 am
i always wanted to view the world at a diffren angle
October 12th, 2010 at 7:57 am
it could be worse i could look like you
October 15th, 2010 at 1:15 pm
Well i’ll never do that again.
john doe
October 27th, 2010 at 11:08 am
“Here Lies Jane Bright
She stuck out her left hand
and turned to the right”…
October 28th, 2010 at 1:31 pm
RIP S.F Giants
Burred By The Texas Rangers
October 28th, 2010 at 5:29 pm
Tom Laften was not skinny,
And he loved his wife Ginny,
One day he was eating dinner
And he fell on the floor in a shiver.
Here lies Tom Laften in his gravey. (grave, gravy)
November 13th, 2010 at 10:23 pm
Help me out someone. I don’t understand the last eptiaph. I’ve thought about it but I just don’t get it. Thanks! :)
November 20th, 2010 at 7:19 pm
Blues singer’s epitath:
“I didn’t get up this morning”
December 16th, 2010 at 11:51 pm
“I found that first step, they told me to watch out for…”
A first and last visit to an almost remodeled home. ;)
February 18th, 2011 at 12:45 am
I plan on having this put on mine eventually… no hurry though…
“Loving Mother To Three Daughters & Two Sons, Tough as Nails, Wife To None.
Off To Heaven… In Search Of Fun!”
February 18th, 2011 at 12:49 am
Or how ’bout…
“Don’t cry for me,
I am not here.
Just dance in the rain,
And celebrate my life with beer!”
February 28th, 2011 at 9:59 pm
Here beneath you is poor old Jake, who stepped on the gas instead of the brake.
April 12th, 2011 at 9:48 pm
Here lies the body of nanny McPhee
who fixed all the bad kids she met,
except me!
July 7th, 2011 at 9:02 pm
Here lies Anne Mann.
She lived an old maid.
She died an old mann.
July 7th, 2011 at 9:03 pm
This one really is real:
Here lies a dead guy