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Funny Epitaphs and Tombstones from old cemeteries

Most of these funny cemetery tombstone epitaphs came from graveyards in the old West, where it was often left to acquaintances or even strangers to choose the words on a tombstone, and where a sense of humor was a survivor tool. Some came from elsewhere in the U.S., and some from England or elsewhere. many of these funny epitpahs are well-documented, and some can still be found. Boot Hill, in Tombstone Arizona, and also Boot Hill, in Dodge City, Kansas, have several preserved.

 

 

Here are some of the funniest epitaphs:

 

 

It was a Cough

That carried him Off

It was a Coffin

They Carried him Off In

On an attorney’s tombstone:

Goembel

John E.

1867-1946

“The defense rests”

Here lies Johnny Yeast.

Pardon me For not rising.

Ruidoso, New Mexico

Jedediah Goodwin

Auctioneer

Born 1828

Going!

Going!!

Gone!!!

1876

Stranger tread

This ground with gravity.

Dentist Brown

Is filling his last cavity.

Here Lies Jane Smith

Wife of Thomas Smith

Marble Cutter:

This Monument Erected

By Her Husband

As A Tribute

To Her Memory.

Monuments of this style

are 250 Dollars.

Effie Jean Robinson

1897-1922

Come blooming youths,

as you pass by ,

And on these lines do cast an eye.

As you are now, so once was I;

As I am now, so must you be;

Prepare for death and follow me.

Upon which someone scribbled:

To follow you

I am not content,

How do I know

Which way you went.

Here lies Lester Moore.

Four slugs

From a forty-four.

No Les

No More.

Here lies Johnny Cole.

Who died upon my soul

After eating a plentiful dinner.

While chewing his crust

He was turned into dust

With his crimes undigested -

poor sinner.

Bill Blake

Was hanged by mistake.

Here lays Butch.

We planted him raw.

He was quick on the trigger

But slow on the draw.

Here lies a man named Zeke.

Second fastest draw

in Cripple Creek.

Here lies the body of Arkansas Jim.

We made the mistake, But the joke’s on him.

He called

Bill Smith

A Liar

I would

rather be here

than in Texas.

Here lies the body

Of Margaret Bent

She kicked up her heels

And away she went.

He got a fish-bone

in his throat

and then he sang

an angel note.

She was not smart,

she was not fair,

But hearts with grief

for her are swellin’;

All empty stands

her little chair:

She died of eatin’

water-mellon.

Rebecca Freeland

1741

She drank good ale,

good punch and wine

And lived to the age of 99.

Beneath this stone,

a lump of clay,

Lies stingy Jimmy Wyatt.

Who died one morning just at ten

And saved a dinner by it.

here lies AN athiest, John Doe

All dressed up and no place to go!

Here he lies, James T. Carson

He blew up his wife

and was hung for arson.

Here lies the body

of John Round.

Lost at sea

and never found.

And here’s an epitaph with a funny double meaning-
you might have to think about it…

Here lies Barnard Lightfoot

Who was accidentally killed

in the 45th year of his age.

This monument was erected

by his grateful family.

 

 

Page Topic: Funny Epitaphs and Tombstones

 

 

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14 Responses to “Funny Epitaphs and Tombstones from old cemeteries””

1. Becki Says:
   March 31st, 2008 at 6:49 am

   Here lies lesleyann dee,
   who died while eating a pea,
   she had a stroke,
   which made her choke,
   in her freezer
   cya later geezer!

2. lesleyann Says:
   March 31st, 2008 at 6:51 am

   Here lies sammy burgess
   and miss abbot too
   they died while making
   love on the loo
   Goodnight

3. Bill Says:
   April 6th, 2008 at 12:49 pm

   Looked up the elevator shaft
   To see if the car was on the way down.
   It was!

4. no one Says:
   October 30th, 2008 at 4:12 pm

   well living men view my tomb,
   just remember theres room for you.

5. Stirling West Says:
   October 30th, 2008 at 4:13 pm

   Here lies the body of John O’Day,
   Who died maintaining his right of way,
   His way was right, his will was strong,
   But he’s just as dead as if he were wrong

6. blahblahblah Says:
   March 4th, 2009 at 3:33 pm

   Here lies an old man named Bert
   Peoples’ feelings he liked to hurt
   The children were sad
   The adults are mad
   And now he’s buried in dirt
   =)
   note:this may be stupid, im only 13

7. frkdrytgfy Says:
   March 31st, 2009 at 10:17 am

   im a dead dude

8. hug jazz Says:
   June 1st, 2009 at 7:12 pm

   it was snowing as i got out of bed
   i went outside to ride my sled
   i crashed into a tree and hit my head
   now i lye there dead

9. Darc Discordia Says:
   June 5th, 2009 at 1:28 pm

   Here lies the body of Richard Broughton
   Whose death, alas, was strangely brought on.
   Trying his corns one day to mow off,
   His razor slipped and cut his toe off.
   His toe, or rather, what it grew to
   An inflammation quickly few to.
   Which took, alas, to mortifying,
   And was the cause of Richard’s dying.

10. Dee Says:
    July 20th, 2009 at 1:48 pm

    “I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK!”

11. L.J Says:
    October 21st, 2009 at 6:38 pm

    here lies
    i.m.
    dead
    put a bullet through his head

12. jeff blackman Says:
    October 27th, 2009 at 3:23 pm

    6 feet down
    The dirty hound
    watch yer step
    never more

13. jeff blackman Says:
    October 27th, 2009 at 3:39 pm

    Farewell Governor Halifax
    paid his own Hanging tax
    which stretched his patience
    and his neck

14. Brian W. Johnson (Mauzerolle) Says:
    November 13th, 2009 at 5:01 pm

    “I lived my life, but now I’m dead.
    Obviously I don’t want any visitors,
    so get it through your thick head!”

    *Note* Seriously, I intend to have this put into my will and carved onto my tombstone, or something much like it.

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