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More Really Funny One Liners 2: More of the best funny one liners

Here are some more of the the best funny one liners

 

Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.

 

Anybody with money to burn will easily find someone to tend the fire.

 

Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening.

 

Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.

 

Anything you lose automatically doubles in value.

 

Are you wearing lipstick? Well, mind if I taste it?

 

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

 

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

 

Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups.

 

Atheists can do whatever the hell they want.

 

Attitude determines your altitude.

 

Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay…

 

Bad spellers of the world untie!

 

Bald guys never have a bad hair day.

 

Batteries not included.

 

Be good – and if you can’t be good, be careful.

 

Be good; if you can’t be good, have fun.

 

Be naughty – save Santa the trip.

 

Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.

 

Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents.

 

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

 

Beauty lasts for a moment, but ugly goes on and on and on.

 

Beer – the reason I wake up every afternoon.

 

Best viewed on my computer.

 

Better late than really late.

 

Between two evils always pick the one you haven’t tried.

 

Biology grows on you.

 

Bravery is being the only one who knows you’re afraid.

 

Carpenter’s rule: cut to fit; beat into place.

 

Chaos, panic, pandemonium – my work here is done.

 

Character is what you are. Reputation is what people think you are.

 

Chicago law prohibits eating in a place that is on fire.

 

Children in the dark make accidents, but accidents in the dark make children.

 

Clones are people two.

 

Coarse and violent nudity. Occasional language.

 

Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum. I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.

 

Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.

 

Could crop circles be the work of a cereal killer?

 

Courage is being afraid but going on anyhow.

 

Crime doesn’t pay… does that mean my job is a crime?

 

Criminal Lawyer – a redundant phrase.

 

Cult: It just means not enough people to make a minority.

 

Dawn is nature’s way of telling you to go to bed.

 

Depression is merely anger without the enthusiasm.

 

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

 

Don’t argue with a fool. The spectators can’t tell the difference.

 

 

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