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Funny Newspaper Headlines

Here are some funny newspaper headlines:

Grandmother of eight makes hole in one

Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing

Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers

House passes gas tax onto senate

Stiff opposition expected to casketless funeral plan

Two convicts evade noose, jury hung

William Kelly was fed secretary

Milk drinkers are turning to powder

Safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted

Quarter of a million Chinese live on water

Farmer bill dies in house

Page Topic: Funny Newspaper Headlines

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Comments

52 Responses to “Funny Newspaper Headlines””

  1. Gilly Gongbutt Says:
    January 27th, 2008 at 4:39 pm

    “Anyone who breaks the law is at risk of being arrested”-
    quote from the Contra Costa Times

  2. Matt Judge Says:
    February 13th, 2008 at 8:27 am

    Current funny headline on cnn.com (morning of Wednesday, Feb 13 2008) — “Roger Clemens arrives for hearing on steroids”

  3. The Witt Says:
    February 19th, 2008 at 7:29 pm

    Obama beats Hillary in Wisconsin. Hillary runs to Texas.

  4. mister smiley Says:
    February 24th, 2008 at 2:09 pm

    Blind people are seeing their way to the eye doctor

  5. Seamus Says:
    March 9th, 2008 at 8:02 pm

    Royals To Get A Taste Of Angels’ Colon

    That is the best sports headline ever!

  6. Funnygirl Says:
    March 30th, 2008 at 6:57 am

    Painting found by tree

  7. theotherfunnygirl Says:
    April 11th, 2008 at 9:51 am

    Mad Cow Chases Farmer With Ax.
    That was my cow! I can’t beleive old Bessie did that! Maybe the time the rabid raccoon bit her had something to do with it. I knew I should have taken her and it to the vet to get shot.

  8. SUReGirl Says:
    April 17th, 2008 at 10:24 am

    an unsuspected message-
    i love you… from your wife!

  9. Lavefoelf Says:
    May 1st, 2008 at 2:20 pm

    The IQ of the group is the lowest IQ of a member of the group divided
    by the number of people in the group.

    —————————————————————————————————-
    http://ebloggy.com/wendellgregorycm

  10. Anonymous Says:
    May 15th, 2008 at 8:00 am

    I think yall should put more George Bush headlines I liked them

  11. Raphael Says:
    May 22nd, 2008 at 6:05 pm

    “War Dims Hope For Peace”

    “Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian takes over”

    “Miners Refuse To Work After Death”

    “Enfield, London, Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide”

    “Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charges”

    “Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says”

    “Is There A Ring of Debris Around Uranus?”

    “Local High School Dropouts Cut In Half”

    “Hospitals Are Sued By Seven Foot Doctors”

    “If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile”

    “Typhoon Rips Through Cemetary; Hundreds Dead”

  12. seamus Says:
    June 1st, 2008 at 5:22 pm

    Detectives who uncovered the remains of a man buried in a suitcase “strongly believe” that he was murdered.

  13. Brian Says:
    June 3rd, 2008 at 3:23 pm

    Shell found on beach

  14. Vincent Says:
    June 9th, 2008 at 6:03 pm

    Oregonian said this a few weeks ago
    “Hillary wins Puerto Rico, Race doesn’t change”

  15. Craig Says:
    June 28th, 2008 at 1:40 pm

    Drug Baron hides crack in pants

  16. ian ronswerthy Says:
    June 29th, 2008 at 11:49 pm

    those r all so good how funny i was all like no way! that is so funny i can’t really put it in any simpilar terms it was just sooooo good you should do stand up keep u p the good work i love it that so funny i’m still lafing!!!!!!!!!!!

  17. thismustbeathursday Says:
    July 10th, 2008 at 7:44 am

    I found this one in Sweden

    Munching Swedish Beaver Causes Blackout. and just incase you think I’m making this up, here’s the source.
    http://www.thelocal.se/616/20041111/

  18. Doc Harralander Says:
    July 15th, 2008 at 12:23 pm

    “Council to stamp on Dog Mess”
    “Patient at Death’s Door – Doctor’s pull him through”
    “Body scan on drugs runner reveals $4000 in Crack”
    “Man fatally murdered”
    “Family of 17 defects from North Korea”
    “Gunman shot by 999 Cops”

    And one of my personal favourites….

    “Mrs Ryedeils bust revealed to a nearby school”

  19. Paul Says:
    July 31st, 2008 at 10:38 am

    Sun Blamed for Warming of Earth and Other Worlds
    By Ker Than, LiveScience Staff Writer
    posted: 12 March 2007 07:27 am ET

  20. James Says:
    October 6th, 2008 at 8:43 am

    Mayor Fights Erection in Town Square

    That one reffers to an erection of a statue. Get your minds out of the gutter!!!!

  21. Lexi Says:
    November 3rd, 2008 at 2:46 pm

    12 Remain Dead

  22. Jaime Says:
    November 15th, 2008 at 7:34 am

    Staunton News Leader – Head Line
    Man found dead in city cemetary

    Ya reckon’???

  23. juan Says:
    November 23rd, 2008 at 1:03 pm

    ¡este sitio es tan divertido!! ¡lo amo!

  24. Anonymous Says:
    November 30th, 2008 at 7:37 pm

    I lol’d

  25. Astoner Says:
    December 3rd, 2008 at 9:26 am

    “iraqi head seeks arms”
    “eye drops off shelf”
    “something went wrong in jet crash, experts say”

  26. Henry Says:
    December 19th, 2008 at 3:45 pm

    How about this one in today’s Palm Beach Post:

    “Second man found shot dead in car in Riviera Beach”

    My question is “how big was the car?” that they didn’t see the second man when they found the first one!

  27. sl Says:
    December 30th, 2008 at 3:05 pm

    Here’s one, “Local Schools Eye Cuts”

  28. awesome Says:
    January 30th, 2009 at 2:07 pm

    “Haddock tried for murder”

  29. Ayereiss Says:
    February 4th, 2009 at 4:17 pm

    From CNN
    “Pot-smoking Whoopi says back off Phelps”

  30. him Says:
    March 20th, 2009 at 10:09 pm

    British left waffles on Falkland islands

  31. taylor Says:
    March 23rd, 2009 at 6:39 pm

    man sentinced to death for seccond time in two years

  32. tn Says:
    September 11th, 2009 at 9:41 am

    News report “Mine collapses, only miner injuries reported”

  33. George Says:
    September 17th, 2009 at 6:09 pm

    This is so funny. i hope you add more and more i am very bored at the monemt so that is why i am going to right to you.

  34. skdhfvshd Says:
    September 17th, 2009 at 6:09 pm

    Yo Yo

  35. Anonymous Says:
    October 3rd, 2009 at 7:27 am

    @ Anonymous: I SEE WAT U DID THAR!

  36. Anonymous Says:
    October 28th, 2009 at 11:04 am

    Greeneville, Tennessee, The Greeneville Sun newspaper, “Train Hits Truck Spilling The Beans”

  37. Anonymous Says:
    December 1st, 2009 at 11:27 am

    dumb

  38. lolcatz Says:
    December 9th, 2009 at 10:22 am

    DEAD EATS PANTS IN TURKEY

  39. KK Says:
    December 14th, 2009 at 11:23 am

    “97% of smokers will die some day”

    what happens to the remaining 3%…?

  40. Nevermindmynameidontwantitpublic Says:
    January 2nd, 2010 at 10:47 am

    Animal rights group meet in steakhouse.

  41. monica Says:
    February 10th, 2010 at 9:31 pm

    Headline:

    Boyfriend held over body dumped in Cypress Creek

  42. ICANTBREATH!! Says:
    May 13th, 2010 at 8:19 pm

    HAHAHAHA!! DAMN!! XDDD

    I CAN’T FREAKIN’ BREATH!! BRING THE JAWS OF LIFE!! AND EAT ME!! XDDD

    ITS NOT EVEN THE REAL POST BUT SOME OF THE COMMENTS KILLED ME!!!

    All gotten from HeadlineHumor.com:

    ‘Tiger Wood plays with own ball, Nike says’

    ‘Psychics predict world didn’t end yesterday’

    ‘Sun or rain expected today, dark tonight’

    ‘Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25.’

    The Sampson Independent- ‘Bonnie blows Clinton.’

    ‘Specialist: Electric chair can be :Extremely Painful:’

    ‘Clinton’s firmness got results.’

    ‘Jane Fonda to teens: Use head to avoid pregnancy’

  43. kablam Says:
    June 10th, 2010 at 6:25 pm

    Iraqui head seeks arms

  44. Elyse Says:
    July 15th, 2010 at 1:30 pm

    LMFAO holy crap this is hilarious :D

  45. anonymous Says:
    July 24th, 2010 at 1:42 am

    “Man Kills Self Then Shoots Wife and Daughter!”

  46. J chow Says:
    July 27th, 2010 at 12:30 pm

    A small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central Poland.

    Polish Search-and-Rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect the number to climb as digging continues into the evening.

  47. [email protected] Says:
    August 6th, 2010 at 4:30 am

    Fire May Have Started Blaze

  48. Isabel Says:
    October 6th, 2010 at 6:54 pm

    “grandmother with seven grandchildren makes a hole in one”
    Unknown Author

  49. [email protected] Says:
    November 14th, 2010 at 6:11 pm

    Police Raid Gunshop; Find Weapons

  50. The Clown Says:
    February 23rd, 2011 at 6:05 pm

    Arson Suspect Held In Minnesota Fire

  51. The Clown Says:
    February 23rd, 2011 at 6:06 pm

    Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

  52. Dog Man Says:
    May 10th, 2011 at 11:24 pm

    Why Does IT HAVE THE KILMORE LOGO ON THIS?????

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