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Daily Quick Break: March 10, 2008: Funny Deliberately Terrible Bad First Paragraphs of Novels Contest
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Some of the funniest bad opening paragraphs of would be novels.The Bulwer-Lytton literary parody contest is a yearly contest that seeks to find the worst deliberately terrible opening paragraphs to novels. It was named after Victorian novelist Edward George Earl Bulwer-Lytton (1803-1873), who originated the phrases “the pen is mightier than the sword,” and “pursuit of the almighty dollar.” He also opened a novel in 1830 with those now famous words that Snoopy plagiarized for years, “It was a dark and stormy night.”
Here are some of the best worst bad novel beginning paragraph entries in the 2006 contest.
When she sashayed across the room, her breasts swayed like two house trailers passing on a windy bridge.
Stan Higley
Fairport, NY
Getting the performance rating of highly successful, although clearly nothing to be ashamed of, left Blevins somewhat oddly dissatisfied, like when you realize, upon having the triage nurses greet your ambulance, that your underwear, as far as you can determine, is in pretty decent condition, but you’ll, nonetheless, never pull through the surgery.
Jim Lubell
Mechanicsville, Maryland
The goose waddled slowly, heavily, across the road, exactly the way my mother-in-law would if she were a goose.
To read the rest, go to: Funny Deliberately Terrible Bad First Paragraphs of Novels Contest
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Section: Daily Quick Break
March 9th, 2008 at 11:52 pm
There was a lingering smell in the cold autumn night. It was Franks’ perspiration. He walked over to Jane and smiled.
“Honey, I forgot to mention this yesterday.”
Jane looked at him, her eyes watering. She was in handcuffs and chained to the bed. She could hear her dog barking from outside.
“I’m your father.”