<< More funny quotes & jokes by stand up comedians   |   Top 50 Reasons It's Great To Be a Guy >>

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road? Funny Answers to a very old joke

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road? 

 PARIS HILTON:

Huh?

ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

BUDDHA:
Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.

THE BIBLE:
And God came down from the heavens and He said unto the chicken, “Thou shalt cross the road.” And the chicken crossed the road and there was much rejoicing.

BILL O’ REILLY:
To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

HILLARY CLINTON: I’m glad my staff asked you to ask me that question. I chaired the senate chicken investigation which sought to determine exactly why this is happening and what we can do to stop it. I have a great deal of experience with chickens. I’m also very very likable and nice, isn’t that right Mom?

DARWIN:
Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically dispositioned to cross roads.

EINSTEIN:
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken is a matter of relativity.

RALPH WALDO EMERSON:
The chicken did not cross the road. It transcended it.

JERRY FALWELL:
Because the chicken was gay! Isn’t it obvious? Can’t you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the “other side.” That’s what “they” call it: the “other side.” Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like “the other side.” That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It’s as plain and simple as that.

FREUD:
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES:
I have just released the new Chicken Visa , which will not only cross roads, but will also lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook; and compete with Apple’s Smooth Eagle.

GRANDPA:
In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die. In the rain. Alone.

MARTIN LUTHER KING JR.:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK:
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

MACHIAVELLI:
The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

KARL MARX:
It was a historical inevitability.

PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH
Finally, a question about something I know about. Down at the ranch in West Texas, we used to hunt chickens and they’d run across the road, where my brother would run over them with a truck.  That’s what you call resourcingfulness, and I’m full of it.

JERRY SEINFELD:
Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn’t anyone ever think to ask, “What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway? What is wrong with that chicken?

DR. SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road but why it crossed, I’ve not been told.

Page topic: Why did the chicken cross the road joke: answers from celebs and historical figures

<< More funny quotes & jokes by stand up comedians   |   Top 50 Reasons It's Great To Be a Guy >>

Comments

22 Responses to “Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road? Funny Answers to a very old joke””

  1. amanda Says:
    January 14th, 2008 at 1:07 am

    omg, haha there should be a dr.phil one too.
    dr.phil: well we must first answer the question: how did the chicken feel a bout that?

  2. Michael Says:
    January 29th, 2008 at 11:20 am

    omg,haha there should be a oprah on too.

  3. someone else Says:
    February 6th, 2008 at 9:23 pm

    lol i think william shakespeare would be cool 2

  4. You will never know. D: Says:
    February 15th, 2008 at 11:01 am

    Shakespeare: To commit suicide.

    Always a tragedy. Haha.

  5. 77 Says:
    February 20th, 2008 at 8:15 pm

    put a mcdonalds one too

  6. Bla Says:
    February 25th, 2008 at 8:53 pm

    Wow, most of these were so spot on it was scary!

  7. Necro Says:
    April 25th, 2008 at 11:13 am

    Colonel Sanders: Did I let another one escape?

  8. Neenee Says:
    April 29th, 2008 at 4:03 am

    Too see his bess (cOw) :) !!!

  9. jh Says:
    June 9th, 2008 at 2:24 pm

    A Short Exposition on the Decision of a Common Domestic Fowl to Cross the Road
    by
    John Steinbeck, sort of

    During the millennia that man has raised poultry, never did it occur to him that the chicken, however humble in abode, however primal in instincts, may be a creature capable of profound insight and even occasional wisdom.

    Chickens don’t resent this.

    Unlike their human masters, whose mental condition is burdened by the pursuit of monetary gains, savory mates, and harmonious household circumstance, chickens, relegated to a stable — if less-than-sterile — domestic position, cannot be bothered with such relatively un-cerebral trivialities. To the rooster, the farmer’s food is plentiful, the choice of hens is usually abundant, and tomorrow is only foreseen as that time to yet again crow the recumbent sun into its natural wakeful duties with a boastful, if dutiful, “Huzzah!” in the appropriate poultry dialect.

    And the hens, despite their scattered barnyard attentions and palsied, frenetic motions towards food or feeder, have no cause to ponder the metaphysical significance of any of the day’s routine: seeking sustenance, egg production, or the comical advances of the cock-o’-the-walk.

    It is perhaps the apparent simplicity of the chicken’s situation that has caused man to underestimate the penetrating contemplation of which the famed Rhode Island Red and its myriad domestic cousins are capable. And it is perhaps man’s indifference towards the beady-eyed beast that has led him to entertain the possibilities of fowl introspection only in the realm of the jocular.

    At the church picnic, at the conclave of the Royal Order of Elks, in the tavern over a cold ale, in the schoolyard, and undoubtedly even in the hallways of congress, a single, oft-repeated interrogation echoes across the Nation with a frequency unsurpassed by any other monologue short of the Pledge of Allegiance – that of the mental post of a chicken considering crossing the road.

    “Why?” we ask. Year after year, picnic after picnic, ale after ale. “Why did the chicken,” who presumably had a significant say in the matter, “why indeed did it cross the road?”

    Man does not qualify the question. Man is only interested in the range of possible answers for his own selfish amusement.

    Furthermore, no thought is given to the chicken’s most basic conundrum: Cross at great risk, or stay, and be forever unfulfilled. The man does not consider this most elementary presupposition, because the man, confident in his mastery of all the Earth’s species, is certain that the chicken is incapable of approaching such perplexity with anything beyond a cluck.

    Neither are any specifics given to make the animal’s choice easier. No mention is given of the type of road. Is it a table-flat superhighway, spanning the horizons of the country’s midsection like a smooth concrete belt around the waist of some cosmic giant? Is it instead a pleasant wooded byway, tunneling through the pine forests of New England, or perhaps a bustling city avenue, crisscrossed by ubiquitous yellow taxicabs?

    Our subject fowl is posed the same root issue by even a lowly, overgrown bison trail in the most distant rural reaches of our prairie, upon which aboriginal hunters made regular, arduous sojourns long before the delicate breast meat of a tender, coop-raised hen could ambushed at the local grocer’s.

    When the dust of another millennium of chicken-raising settles, perhaps an enlightened scientist from one of our finer academic institutions will at last encounter some biological or chemical nuance in the makeup of a hen that reveals what only the hen herself knows today. This scientist will be scorned in the press, ridiculed over coffee in faculty lounges, and subject to terminations of financial assistance for posing the outlandish if ultimately correct hypothesis that extinguishes the rhetorical fires of the absurd inquisition once and for all.

    For no one likes the truth in these matters, no matter how much it is demanded.

    The chicken, its true motivation having been revealed at last, is certain then to be ignored by all but the insane and the enlightened. We will find it poised on the opposite embankment, a distant shore of gravel or weeded ruts or jersey barriers, beady eyes sparkling, comb standing high in a gumdrop red coiffure, its wattle bouncing jauntily in a trailing vortex of dust with each passing vehicle. Its secret safe for the ages.

  10. Pamela Anderson Says:
    June 10th, 2008 at 6:30 pm

    I think Dr.Suess had the best one

  11. OMG Says:
    June 15th, 2008 at 9:10 pm

    lol these were hilarious and pretty accurate too…

  12. Ange Says:
    July 10th, 2008 at 7:41 pm

    Does anyone know any normal chiken jokes or any websites I could find them on?

  13. OMG Says:
    August 14th, 2008 at 10:03 pm

    just google “why did the chicken cross the road” and i bet you will find like a hundred jokes

    …but i still liked these the best!!!

  14. zeke Says:
    September 7th, 2008 at 7:25 pm

    To any untrained eye, it was just a road, but the chicken, being highly superior to Earth’s dominent species, was looking into a portal that would be his ascending moment into a far greater world.

  15. Wilfred Ruck Says:
    January 22nd, 2009 at 12:32 am

    Barack Obama: Because CHANGE has come to the chicken

  16. nick Says:
    February 10th, 2009 at 11:20 am

    u should get rid of the president in bush.

  17. Anonymous Says:
    July 23rd, 2009 at 8:10 pm

    they need jessica simpson

    wait i thought it was fish

  18. Emily Says:
    July 23rd, 2009 at 8:11 pm

    jessica simpson

    huh? i thought it was fish

  19. Someone Says:
    October 7th, 2009 at 8:44 pm

    Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the road.

  20. Anonymous Says:
    December 15th, 2009 at 6:02 am

    well….nobody knows the answer so why even figure it out?it’s silly that’s all.

  21. Jay Says:
    October 23rd, 2010 at 8:46 am

    “First we should answer the question: how did the chicken feel about that?” -Dr. Phil

  22. lee vardi Says:
    December 19th, 2010 at 9:02 am

    Julian Assange; Wikileaks will be releasing a secret government memo on this incident in the near future.

COMMENT (Not all comments are approved, including rude comments and those with strong language).

Section: Best Funny Jokes, Celebrity Central: Funny Celeb Stuff

<< More funny quotes & jokes by stand up comedians   |   Top 50 Reasons It's Great To Be a Guy >>

Click for privacy policy

All content is © InnocentEnglish.com: Funny Jokes, Signs, Pics, Bloopers, English mistakes and More, 2005-2011, or is in the public domain, or is © by the respective copyright holders. Please contact for prompt removal of any inadvertent © content, with apologies.