(We all make a lot of mistakes learning a new language, and some are going to be a little humorous to native speakers of that language.  For instance… )
10. I fell in love with her the first time I sawed her.

9. He had such a worm heart.

8. We were two sheeps passing in the night.

7. We have hated each other for so long. I want to borrow the hatchet.

6. My dentist makes me blush twice a day.

5. I don’t know if he will propose, but I am expecting.

4. I have something exciting to tell you. My girlfriend and I got enraged last night!

3. The groom was wearing a very nice croissant.

2. He lifted the veal off her face and gave her a big kiss.

1. I think she is really glad she got marinated.

Some other innocent mistakes from new English from the pages of InnocentEnglish:

Recipes: Next, chop all the vegetarians into little pieces.

Health: It is dangerous to smoke while you are becoming pregnant.

Sports: It was so exciting to watch! The cheerleaders threw up high into the air.

Politics: The President got off the plane and gave a big kiss to the first ladder.

Grammar: Should I have a coma in the middle of this sentence?

Music: When he was through singing he had a standing ovulation.

Food: Do you like this food? I made it from scratching!

Parents: My bed has three blankets and a large guilt my parents gave me.

Weather: Rain makes old cars lust. So be careful about that. Once a car starts lusting, there’s no way to stop it!

Travel: You can’t sleep with me because it is too crowded. But you can probably sleep with my sister. That’s what most of my friends do when they visit.

These funny mistakes by new English language students are a celebration of the lighter side of learning language. I still remember when I went on a college mission trip to an orphanage in Mexico, and I enthusiastically greeted each of the children with ‘Buenos Dios! Buenos Dios!’ After some puzzled looks and a lot of laughter, a friend explained that I wasn’t saying ‘Good day.’ I was running around to each of these kids shouting ‘Good God! Good God!’ The laughter of that moment really broke the ice with the children, and left me with an appreciation of the humor that can accompany learning a new language.  This site began with a few pages of those funny mistakes.

Page topic: Top 10 funny Valentine bloopers and mistakes by English students talking about love and romance 

Funny Signs from Restaurants
Funny Signs Hall of Fame
Other Funny Signs From Around the World
Top 10 Most Romantic Mistakes
Other Funny English Mistakes From Around the World
Funny Warning Signs
Funny Madonna Interview Translation from Budapest’s Blikk Newspaper
English Subtitles In Hong Kong Films
Funny Chinese menu bloopers and pics
On Tonight’s Menu…
Strange Fortune Cookies: Funny but Real Fortune Cookie Fortunes
Funny lables and Food package bloopers

~~~~~~~ 

The pages below are what started InnocentEnglish.com  They have funny English mistakes and bloopers from my ESL students.  Any of us learning a new language will make a lot of mistakes, and some will sound pretty funny or strange to native speakers. Like the time in college when I was at an Orphanage in Mexico for a work trip, and I greeted all the kids enthusiastically with “Buenos Dios!”  I thought I was saying good day, but I was running around shouting ”Good God!, Good God!”.  This section is NOT making fun of people with poor English. It’s enjoying the way the tinest mistake in any language can completely change the meaning, and sometimes that can bring a smile to a native speaker.

Innocent English Mistakes From New English Language Students
My Lemon Moon Ray LoverFunny Signs: More Dumb and Stupid Signs
Romance: The Beginning
Weather
A Day of Tutoring
Traveling
The Fur Trade
Sports
Romance: The End
Renting and Dorm and Apartment Living
Funny student bloopers about school
Religion
Politics and Government
Parents
Top 10 Movie Titles
A Murder Trial
How To Sky Dive in the Ocean
Health
Science
A Recipe
My Lemon Moon Ray Lover

Page topic: Funny English Bloopers and Mistakes from around the world.

Top 50 Funniest English Mistakes from New English Language Students
Innocent English Mistakes From New English Language Students
My Lemon Moon Ray Lover:
Funny Signs: More Dumb and Stupid Signs
Romance: The Beginning
Weather
A Day of Tutoring
Traveling
The Fur Trade
Sports
Romance: The End
Renting and Dorm and Apartment Living
Funny student bloopers about school
Religion
Politics and Government
Parents
Top 10 Movie Titles
A Murder Trial
How To Sky Dive in the Ocean
Health
Science
A Recipe

Page topic: Funny English mistakes and bloopers by ESL students and new English speakers.

These are images and pics of real student exam and test answers, quiz responses and essays.

Funny Essay Test Answers #1: Influencian Person in World War 2: Jimmy McPerson

Funny Essay Test Answers #2: Biography of Walt Whitman

Funny Essay Test Answers #3: El Nido is Spanish

Funny Math Test Answers #1: Find the X

Funny Math Test Answers #2: expand (a +b)

Funny Math Test Answers #3: Suicidal math problem

Funny Math Test Answers #4: Batman is Bruce Wayne

Funny Math Test Answers #5: God made it that way

Funny Math Test Answers #6: inverted number eight

Funny Math Test Answers #7: Damn Aliens

Funny Science Test Answers #1: Check for reproductive organs.

Funny Science Test Answers #2: Teenage mutant ninja turtles

Funny Science Test Answers #3: Test it with an elephant.

Funny Science Test Answers #4: Slept with boss’ wife.

Funny Science Test Answers #5: Future physics major student.

Funny Science Test Answers #6: Those damn aliens again.

Funny Science Test Answers #7: calculating correct answers with chemistry.

Funny Science Test Answers #8: Biology is just like cooking class.

Page Topic: Funny test answers pics: Pictures of funny student exam, quiz and test answers

Funny warning sign: Soft shoulder, blind curves, steep grade, big trucks. Good luck!

Well, give them credit for honesty.

Funny toilet sign: Toilet! Stay in your car.

Um, you have an empty Coke can handy?

Funny speed limit hours sign

Good thing every watch in that town is exactly synchronized.

This month special: NO FUEL!

Wow, that special will save us a LOT of money. But it does present some other problems…

No parking above this sign.

This will stop those damn trouble-making butt-probing aliens from parking their hot rod UFOs above my property!

Funny sign: Please do not spit too loud.

We don’t care WHERE you spit, just do it quietly.

Please take care of the sleeping grass.

Maybe now people won’t keep waking it up.

Police station toilet stolen. Police have nothing to go on.

Urinal lot of trouble for that.

Funny restaurant sign: Poo Ping Thai Chinese Cuisine.

No I’m not. But I was this morning.

Caution: Tree in center of road.

What? Couldn’t we just REMOVE the tree? Well, that’s a funny one if I ever heard one. No sir. I’m in the signage department. I make signs. Now if you actually want someone to MOVE the tree, you should send a letter to the highway department in triplicate and they’ll have someone take a look at it the next month or two to decide what sub department they should assign supervising the management of the removal order to. Now I gotta get moving and put a sign up next to that dead armadillo over there.

Caution: Water on road during rain.

Yeah, but the other day I was driving there and it was snowing really hard, and the road turned WHITE. Just out of the blue. Or gray. And there were no warning signs at all that this could happen. I freaked.

Page Topic: Funny Signs

Here are a few dating jokes:

I was walking to school one day, when suddenly a beautiful woman cut my eye.

I fell in love with her the first time I sawed her.

She had a husky’s voice.

I told her a joke and then she started smelling widely.

He had such a worm heart.

We were two sheeps passing in the night.

There’s a very strong chemical reaction between us!

My boyfriend is really a eunuch person.

I miss her but we keep touching each other over the internet.

I don’t know if he will propose, but I am expecting.

That night, we went skin dipping- Just the two of us!
You mean you went skinny dipping?
It is called skinny dipping? But I’m not very skinny!
Well, that’s what they call it if you go swimming nude.
What is “Nude?”
Nude means Naked. No clothes or swimsuits.
Naked? No! I would never skin dip naked! There are little slippery fish everywhere! We skinned dipped with our underwear over us.

She invited me to her teen sex birthday party.
It was so much fun!
She invited you where?
To her teen sex birthday party.
Um., I don’t think I understand.
Oh-I mean at her sex teen birthday party.
Oh- She invited you to her sixteenth birthday party.
Yes. Did I say something funny?

Page Topic: Funny Dating Jokes

Funny Sign on a Train in India
“Submitted by Paul P.”


Erin Brockovich Screwed My Dog Skip
(I never saw that movie.)

A sign in a children’s play park in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia for an inflatable slide. Sign in a children’s play park in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia

Thanks to Marc de Beer for sending this pic.

Hmmm, each letter looks right but something doesn’t add up.

I guess it’s all about supply and demand…

I think I’m feeling a little flush.

Aisle sign in a Chinese grocery store:

Caned Fruit
Caned vegetarian
Caned Fish Meat
Dried Meat Floss

Price sign on clothes rack:

Used Sweat: y2900

On a cash register:

Sorry. We can not change.

On a fire extinguisher in Calcutta, India.

Cease Fire.

Large sign in front of a nursing home in Tiawan:

Fat Ho Nursing Home.

Sign at a small health clinic in Chile:

If you see a woman laboring, go to a hospital right away!

Sign in parking garage:

Please get a punch at window.

At a laundry:

Push button. Foam coming plenty. Big Noise. Finish.

No Smoking Signs

Please do not fire your smoker here!

Please unlight all lighted cigarettes before inhaling beyond this position.

A tourist sign at a French chateau meant to keep tourists from trespassing into the master bedroom:

Please do not invade Madame’s private parts.

Signs on trash cans in an amusement park in Osaka, Japan.

PLEASE WASTE

Notice for pregnant women at the Public Health Center in Joetsu City in Niigata Prefecture:

You’d better begin your sexual intercourse after the delivery after the one mouth check-up with a doctor.

From a sign at a university in China:

The following behaviors are perhibited
in Pastrol Education Area-
Do not be naked and other unbehaviors.
Do not litter the trash around.
Cars and bikes are not allowed
to enter this area without permission.
Do not bring dangerous stuff.
Do not follow the instruction on using these facility.

This morning, I was walking outside,
when suddenly a big shower fell on me!

Yesterday I had strong wind here.

Rain makes old cars lust. So be careful
about that. Once a car starts lusting,
there’s no way to stop it.

There was a lighting strike
and then the sky became dark.

The entire country has been
devastated by a long trout.

Everyone in my country is really nervous right now because this is the tycoon season. One big one can destroy a city.

If you are ever in an earthquake, you should go to the bathroom very quickly because that is the safest thing to do.

Today the waiter is cold and wet and a little windy.

After the volcano the town was full of asses.

I am so uncomfortable today.
I cannot relax when I am in heat.

When a volcan explodes, millions
of tons of larva can bury a city

From New English Language Students

10. I fell in love with her the first time I sawed her.

9. He had such a worm heart.

8. We were two sheeps passing in the night.

7. We have hated each other for so long. I want to borrow the hatchet.

6. My dentist makes me blush twice a day.

5. I don’t know if he will propose, but I am expecting.

4. I have something exciting to tell you.
My girlfriend and I got enraged last night!

3. The groom was wearing a very nice croissant.

2. He lifted the veal off her face and gave her a big kiss.

1. I think she is really glad she got marinated.

I am so eager to mate you!

Please execute me for being late.

Should I have a coma in the middle of this sentence?

I am sorry I am later.
It took me ten minutes to ignite my car.

Am I making P correctly?

Did you have an accident?
When I was skiing, a tree got in front of me
and hit me hard!

You look sad today.
Do you want to expose yourself to me?

You called at the perfect time.
I just walked into the door.

Thank you so much for tuting!

Please don’t shoot so many people in my country.
What?
Please don’t shoot people in my country very often.
Could you say it really slowly?
Police don’t shoot people in my country very often.

I’m sorry, but I couldn’t write my essay.
My roommate had a toothache this morning.
So you couldn’t write your essay?
Yes! She was swelling and decaying badly!

What did you do this weekend?
We went to a Karaoke bar.
Did you sing?
yes. I was shy but I strongly did it.
What did you sing?
You are the wind beneath my wigs.