Funny, Dumb and Stupid Warning Labels

Do not use while sleeping.
Sears hair dryer

You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
Bag of Fritos

Use like regular soap.
Dial soap

Serving suggestion: Defrost.
Swann frozen dinner

Fits one head.
Shower cap box

Do not turn upside down.
Bottom of Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert box

Product will be hot after heating.
Marks & Spencer bread pudding

Do not iron clothes on body.
Rowenta iron

Do not drive car or operate machinery.
Boot’s children’s cough medicine

Warning: May cause drowsiness.
Nytol

Warning: Keep out of children.
Korean kitchen knife

For indoor or outdoor use only.
Chinese Christmas lights

Not to be used for the other use.
Japanese food processor

Warning: Contains nuts.
Sainsbury’s peanuts

Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.
American Airlines peanut packet

Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
Swedish chainsaw

Page topic: Stupid and Funny labels: Funny warning labels and dumb product instructions and directions.

Funny Student Bloopers:
Funny test answers pics: Pictures of funny student exam, quiz and test answers
Funny Kids’ Mistakes about the Bible
Funny Student Science Test Mistakes
World History According to Students
Funny School Excuse Notes
Funny Quiz Answers

Funny Newspaper Bloopers
Funny Classifieds Mistakes
Funny Newspaper Headlines
More Funny Headlines
More Funny Headline Bloopers
Funny Newspaper Classified Ads- Page One

Funny Sports Quotes bloopers
Top 10 Dumb Sports Quotes & Bloopers of All Time
Stupid Sports Quotes, Bloopers and Dumb Mistatements
Funny Sports Bloopers: Dumb quotes by athletes and sports celebrities

Church Bulletin Mistakes
Funny Church Bulletins and Announcement Mistakes and Bloopers
Funny Bulletin and Church Service Announcement

Courtroom Bloopers
Funny Courtroom Mistakes
Funny Courtroom Mistakes
Funny Courtroom Mistakes

Other Funny English Bloopers too Close to Home
Pictures of Funny and Dumb Signs
Funny letters to landlords
Funny Auto Insurance Claim Excuses
Funny Letters to Government Agencies
Funny Ad Campaign Blunders
Funny Resume Mistakes
Funny Doctor Chart Bloopers

Bushisms
Bush Quotes and Bush Bloopers of 2004
Bush Quotes and Bush Bloopers of 2005
Top 10 Funniest Bushisms of All Time
Top 10 Bushisms of 2006
Top 10 Bushisms of 2006
Funny Bush Quotes from 2006
Best Funny Bushisms
Funny Bushisms: The Funniest, Saddest and Scariest Mangled Statements
Where Wings Take Dream
Where Wings Take Dream

Page topic: Funny bloopers and mistakes by native English speakers.

Diesel Fried Chicken

Yum! You gotta love that DFC. But it can give you a little gas.

Falling rocks?

I feel sorry for the guy in the Smart Car that stopped to get a closer look at that little warning sign.

Alignment

They should try to find a shop that can fix that.

Danger ahead. Fasten seatbelts and remove dentures.

Those Disneyland ride caution signs are starting to go too far…

Please do not throw odds and ends into the pond.

That’s why I came in here to throw them down the sink.

Let are kids walk!

If you are going to argue that your kids should be allowed to walk across the stage for high school graduation even though they didn’t pass their exams, it might help your cause if you had the correct spelling of all four words in your protest sign.

Keep Right

Oh, I get it. They just had the sign upside down. Turn your computer monitor upside down, and then the sign really makes sense. Careful… Hey is that a big spider on your monitor?

Caution! No warning signs.

Um, that’s cuz they spent all their money on signs explaining that there aren’t any.

Now hiring all shits.

I guess an employee quit and got the F out of there.

Page Topic: Funny and Dumb Signs

InnocentEnglish.com’s list of the best, worst, funniest, saddest and most unfortunate Bushisms from 2006.

1. “That’s George Washington, the first president, of course. The interesting thing about him is that I read three — three or four books about him last year. Isn’t that interesting?” — During an interview with German newspaper reporter Kai Diekmann in the Oval Office, May 5, 2006

2. “I would say the best moment of all was when I caught a 7.5 pound largemouth bass in my lake.” — On his best moment in office, interview with the German newspaper Bild am Sonntag, May 7, 2006

3. “You know, when I campaigned here in 2000, I said, I want to be a war President. No President wants to be a war President, but I am one.” — Des Moines, Iowa, Oct. 26, 2006

4. “The only way we can win is to leave before the job is done.” –Regarding Iraq, ,Greeley, Colo., Nov. 4, 2006

5. “This morning my administration released the budget numbers for fiscal 2006. These budget numbers are not just estimates; these are the actual results for the fiscal year that ended February the 30th.” –On the fiscal year that ended on Sept. 30, Washington, D.C., Oct. 11, 2006

6. “I think, tide turning– see, as I remember, I was raised in
the desert, but tides kind of — it’s easy to see a tide turn. Did I say those words?” — Responding to whether the tide was turning in Iraq, Washington, D.C., June 14, 2006

7. “That’s called, A Charge To Keep, based upon a religious hymn. The hymn talks about serving God. The president’s job is never to promote a religion.” — During an interview with German newspaper reporter Kai Diekmann in the Oval Office, May 5, 2006

8. “People don’t need to worry about security. This deal wouldn’t go forward if we were concerned about the security for the United States of America.” — On handing over U.S. port security to a United Arab Emerates company, Washington, D.C., Feb. 23, 2006

9. “You never know what your history is going to be like until long after you’re gone.” — Washington, D.C., May 5, 2006

10.”I’ve reminded the prime minister– the American people, Mr. Prime Minister, over the past months that it was not always a given that the United States and America would have a close relationship.” Washington, D.C., June 29, 2006

Dishonorable mention: A few runner ups for the Best (and worst) Bush quotes of 2006

“Anybody who is in a position to serve this country ought to understand the consequences of words.”– Interview with Rush Limbaugh, Nov. 1, 2006

“You know, one of the hardest parts of my job is to connect Iraq to the war on terror.” –George W. Bush, interview with CBS News’ Katie Couric, Sept. 6, 2006

“The point now is how do we work together to achieve important goals. And one such goal is a democracy in Germany.” -George W. Bush, D.C., May 5, 2006

“I’m the decider, and I decide what is best. And what’s best is for Don Rumsfeld to remain as the Secretary of Defense.” -George W. Bush, Washington, D.C. April 18, 2006

“People don’t need to worry about security. This deal wouldn’t go forward if we were concerned about the security for the United States of America.” -George W. Bush, on the deal to hand over U.S. port security to a company operated by the United Arab Emirates, Washington, D.C., Feb. 23, 2006

“He was a state sponsor of terror. In other words, the government had declared, you are a state sponsor of terror.” -George W. Bu sh, on Saddam Hussein, Manhattan, Kan., Jan. 23, 2006

Page Topic: Top 10 Bushisms of 2006

Some might see some of these President Bush quotes as stupid, dumb, embarassing or even shameful. but others simply see a man who has such a brilliant genius of a mind, his brain just can’t keep up. (that was the most balanced introduction I could come up with…)

“The only way we can win is to leave before the job is done.” –George W. Bush, Greeley, Colo., Nov. 4, 2006

“Anybody who is in a position to serve this country ought to understand the consequences of words.”
–George W. Bush, interview with Rush Limbaugh, Nov. 1, 2006

“No doubt in my mind, with your help, Dave Lamberti will be the next United States congressman.”
–Speaking at a campaign rally for Jeff Lamberti, Des Moines, Iowa, Oct. 26, 2006.

“You know, when I campaigned here in 2000, I said, I want to be a war President. No President wants to be a war President, but I am one.”
–George W. Bush, Des Moines, Iowa, Oct. 26, 2006

“This morning my administration released the budget numbers for fiscal 2006. These budget numbers are not just estimates; these are the actual results for the fiscal year that ended February the 30th.”
–George W. Bush, on the fiscal year that ended on Sept. 30, Washington, D.C., Oct. 11, 2006

“One has a stronger hand when there’s more people playing your same cards.” –George W. Bush, on holding six-party talks with North Korea, Washington, D.C., Oct. 11, 2006

“I like to tell people when the final history is written on Iraq, it will look like just a comma because there is — my point is, there’s a strong will for democracy.” –George W. Bush, interview with CNN’s Wolf Blitzer, Sept. 24, 2006

“You know, one of the hardest parts of my job is to connect Iraq to the war on terror.” –George W. Bush, interview with CBS News’ Katie Couric, Sept. 6, 2006

“And I suspect that what you’ll see, Toby, is there will be a momentum, momentum will be gathered. Houses will begat jobs, jobs will begat houses.” –George W. Bush, talking to reporters along the hurricane-ravaged Gulf Coast, Gulfport, Miss., Aug. 28, 2006

“I would guess, I would surmise that some of the more spectacular bombings are done by al Qaeda suiciders.” –George W. Bush, on violence in Iraq, Washington, D.C., Aug. 21, 2006

“The United States of America is engaged in a war against an extremist group of folks.” –George W. Bush, McLean, Va., Aug. 15, 2006

“See, the irony is that what they need to do is get Syria to get Hezbollah to stop doing this s**t, and it’s over.” –George W. Bush, chomping on a dinner roll while talking about the Middle East crisis with British Prime Minister Tony Blair at the G8 summit, St. Petersburg, Russia, July 17, 2006

“One thing is clear, is relations between America and Russia are good, and they’re important that they be good.” –George W. Bush, Strelna, Russia, July 15, 2006

“I’ve reminded the prime minister-the American people, Mr. Prime Minister, over the past months that it was not always a given that the United States and America would have a close relationship.” George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., June 29, 2006

“We shouldn’t fear a world that is more interacted.” –George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., June 27, 2006

“I think — tide turning — see, as I remember — I was raised in the desert, but tides kind of — it’s easy to see a tide turn — did I say those words?” –George W. Bush, asked if the tide was turning in Iraq, Washington, D.C., June 14, 2006

“I think — tide turning — see, as I remember — I was raised in the desert, but tides kind of — it’s easy to see a tide turn — did I say those words?” —George W. Bush, asked if the tide was turning in Iraq, Washington, D.C., June 14, 2006

President Bush: “Peter. Are you going to ask that question with shades on?”
Peter Wallsten of the Los Angeles Times: “I can take them off.”
Bush: “I’m interested in the shade look, seriously.”
Wallsten: “All right, I’ll keep it, then.”
Bush: “For the viewers, there’s no sun.”
Wallsten: “I guess it depends on your perspective.”
Bush: “Touché.

—An exchange with legally blind reporter Peter Wallsten, to whom Bush later apologized, Washington, D.C., June 14, 2006

“Trying to stop suiciders — which we’re doing a pretty good job of on occasion — is difficult to do. And what the Iraqis are going to have to eventually do is convince those who are conducting suiciders who are not inspired by Al Qaeda, for example, to realize there’s a peaceful tomorrow.” —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., May 24, 2006

“I would say the best moment of all was when I caught a 7.5 pound largemouth bass in my lake.” —George W. Bush, on his best moment in office, interview with the German newspaper Bild am Sonntag, May 7, 2006

“You never know what your history is going to be like until long after you’re gone.” —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., May 5, 2006

“The point now is how do we work together to achieve important goals. And one such goal is a democracy in Germany.” —George W. Bush, D.C., May 5, 2006

“That’s George Washington, the first president, of course. The interesting thing about him is that I read three — three or four books about him last year. Isn’t that interesting?” —George W. Bush, while showing German newspaper reporter Kai Diekmann the Oval Office, Washington, D.C., May 5, 2006

“Finally, the desk, where we’ll have our picture taken in front of — is nine other Presidents used it. This was given to us by Queen Victoria in the 1870s, I think it was. President Roosevelt put the door in so people would not know he was in a wheelchair. John Kennedy put his head out the door.” —George W. Bush, showing German newspaper reporter Kai Diekmann the Oval Office, Washington, D.C., May 5, 2006

“That’s called, A Charge To Keep, based upon a religious hymn. The hymn talks about serving God. The president’s job is never to promote a religion.” —George W. Bush, showing German newspaper reporter Kai Diekmann the Oval Office, Washington, D.C., May 5, 2006

“I was not pleased that Hamas has refused to announce its desire to destroy Israel.” —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., May 4, 2006

“I aim to be a competitive nation.” —George W. Bush, San Jose, Calif., April 21, 2006

“I’m the decider, and I decide what is best. And what’s best is for Don Rumsfeld to remain as the Secretary of Defense.” —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C. April 18, 2006

“I strongly believe what we’re doing is the right thing. If I didn’t believe it — I’m going to repeat what I said before — I’d pull the troops out, nor if I believed we could win, I would pull the troops out.” —George W. Bush, Charlotte, N.C., April 6, 2006

“No question that the enemy has tried to spread sectarian violence. They use violence as a tool to do that.” —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., March 22, 2006
“If the Iranians were to have a nuclear weapon they could proliferate.” —George W. Bush, Washington D.C., March 21, 2006

“After the bombing, most Iraqis saw what the perpetuators of this attack were trying to do.” —George W. Bush, on the bombing of the Golden Mosque of Samarra in Iraq, March 13, 2006, Washington, D.C.

“And so I’m for medical liability at the federal level.” —George W. Bush, on medical liability reform, Washington, D.C., March 10, 2006

“I believe that a prosperous, democratic Pakistan will be a steadfast partner for America, a peaceful neighbor for India, and a force for freedom and moderation in the Arab world.” —George W. Bush, mistakenly identifying Pakistan as an Arab country, Islamabad, Pakistan, March 3, 2006

“People don’t need to worry about security. This deal wouldn’t go forward if we were concerned about the security for the United States of America.” —George W. Bush, on the deal to hand over U.S. port security to a company operated by the United Arab Emirates, Washington, D.C., Feb. 23, 2006

“And I want those who are questioning it to step up and explain why all of a sudden a Middle Eastern company is held to a different standard than a Great British company.” —George W. Bush, defending a plan to allow a company controlled by the United Arab Emirates to manage ports in the United States, aboard Air Force One, Feb. 21, 2006

“I think it’s really important for this great state of baseball to reach out to people of all walks of life to make sure that the sport is inclusive. The best way to do it is to convince little kids how to—the beauty of playing baseball.” —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Feb. 13, 2006

“I like my buddies from west Texas. I liked them when I was young, I liked them then I was middle-age, I liked them before I was president, and I like them during president, and I like them after president.” —George W. Bush, Nashville, Tenn., Feb. 1, 2006

“He was a state sponsor of terror. In other words, the government had declared, you are a state sponsor of terror.” —George W. Bu sh, on Saddam Hussein, Manhattan, Kan., Jan. 23, 2006

“I’ll be glad to talk about ranching, but I haven’t seen the movie. I’ve heard about it. I hope you go — you know — I hope you go back to the ranch and the farm is what I’m about to say.” —George W. Bush, after being asked whether he’s seen Brokeback Mountain, Manhattan, Kan., Jan. 23, 2006

“You took an oath to defend our flag and our freedom, and you kept that oath underseas and under fire.” —George W. Bush, addressing war veterans, Washington, D.C., Jan. 10, 2006

“As you can possibly see, I have an injury myself — not here at the hospital, but in combat with a cedar. I eventually won. The cedar gave me a little scratch. As a matter of fact, the Colonel asked if I needed first aid when she first saw me. I was able to avoid any major surgical operations here, but thanks for your compassion, Colonel.” —George W. Bush, after visiting with wounded veterans from the Amputee Care Center of Brooke Army Medical Center, San Antonio, Texas, Jan. 1, 2006

Page Topic: Funny Bush Quotes

Compiled entirely out of actual Bush quotes, by InnocentEnglish.com

My Fellow Americans,

During these holiday seasons, we thank our blessings.1

I want to thank my friend, Senator Bill Frist, for joining us today. … He married a Texas girl, I want you to know. Karyn is with us. A West Texas girl, just like me.2

Thank you for reminding me about the importance of being a good mom and a great volunteer as well.3

I’m so pleased to be able to say hello to Bill Scranton. He’s one of the great Pennsylvania political families.4

I’m looking forward to working with him in the United Nations Senate.5

To protect the United Nations Constitution.6

I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It’s pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.7I talked to my little brother, Jeb-I haven’t told this to many people. But he’s the governor of-I shouldn’t call him my little brother–my brother, Jeb, the great governor of Texas!8

Actually, I-this may sound a little West Texan to you, but I like it. When I’m talking about-when I’m talking about myself, and when he’s talking about myself, all of us are talking about me.9

I was raised in West Texas, in the middle of the desert, a long way away from anywhere, hardly. There’s a certain set of values you learn in that experience.10

I’m a proud man to be the nation based upon such wonderful values!11

I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe-I believe what I believe is right!12

I think if you know what you believe, it makes it a lot easier to answer questions. I can’t answer your question.13

I haven’t had a chance to ask the questioners the question they’ve been questioning.14

The important question is, how many hands have I shaked?15

I hope we get to the bottom of the answer. It’s what I’m interested to know.16

I suspect that had my dad not been president, he’d be asking the same questions:… How did you feel when you stood up in front of the people for the State of the Union Address-state of the budget address, whatever you call it.17

In my State of the-my State of the Union-or state-my speech to the nation, whatever you want to call it, speech to the nation-I asked Americans to give 4,000 years-4,000 hours over the next-the rest of your life-of service to America. That’s what I asked-4,000 hours.18

I want to thank leaders of the-in the faith-faith-based and community-based community for being here.19

Our priorities is our faith.20

That is called, “A Charge To Keep” based upon a religious hymn. The hymn talks about serving God. The president’s job is never to promote a religion.21

I think the American people-I hope the American-I don’t think, let me-I hope the American people trust me.22

I think if you say you’re going to do something and don’t do it, that’s trustworthiness.23

There’s an old saying in Tennessee-I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee-that says, fool me once, shame on-shame on you. Fool me-you can’t get fooled again.24

It’s a myth to think I don’t know what’s going on.25

I mean, I read the newspaper. I mean, I can tell you what the headlines are:26

-This Thursday, ticket counters and airplanes will fly out of Ronald Reagan Airport.27

-Too many OB/GYN’s aren’t able to practice their love with women all across the country.28

-Over 75 percent of white Americans own their home, and less than 50 percent of Hispanos and African Americans don’t own their home.29

I glance at the headlines just to kind of get a flavor for what’s moving. I rarely read the stories, and get briefed by people who are probably read the news themselves.30

I’m also not very analytical. You know I don’t spend a lot of time thinking about myself, about why I do things.31

I’m the commander. See, I don’t need to explain– I do not need to explain why I say things. That’s the interesting thing about being president.32

That’s George Washington, the first president, of course. The interesting thing about him is that I read three– three or four books about him last year. Isn’t that interesting?33

In this job you’ve got a lot on your plate on a regular basis; you don’t have much time to sit around and wander, lonely, in the Oval Office, kind of asking different portraits, “How do you think my standing will be?”34

There’s no such thing as legacies. At least, there is a legacy, but I’ll never see it.35

You never know what your history is going to be like until long after you’re gone.36

I would say the best moment of all was when I caught a 7.5 pound largemouth bass in my lake.37

That’s a chapter, the last chapter of the 20th, 20th, the 21st century that most of us would rather forget.38

I think we agree, the past is over.39

There may be some tough times here in America. But this country has gone through tough times before, and we’re going to do it again.40

It’s important for us to explain to our nation that life is important. It’s not only life of babies, but it’s life of children living in, you know, the dark dungeons of the Internet.41

One of the things I’ve used on the Google is to pull up maps. 42

Wow, Brazil is big!43

By the way, we rank 10th amongst the industrialized world in broadband technology and its availability. That’s not good enough for America. Tenth is 10 spots too low as far as I’m concerned.44

We expect the states to show us whether or not we’re achieving simple objectives-like literacy, literacy in math, the ability to read and write.45

You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test!46

Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning? 47

The illiteracy level of our children are appalling!48

Having an education system that’s responsive to the child and to the parents will make America what we want it to be-a literate country and a hopefuller country.49

I aim to be a competitive nation.50

It’s very important for folks to understand that when there’s more trade, there’s more commerce.51

We thought we were protected forever from trade policy or terrorist attacks because oceans protected us.52
I based a lot of my foreign policy decisions on some things that I think are true:53

-We’ve got 250 million years of coal.54

-Those who enter the country illegally violate the law.55

-Africa is a nation that suffers from incredible disease.56

-For a century and a half now, America and Japan have formed one of the great and enduring alliances of modern times.57

-It’s important to think beyond the old days of when we had the concept that if we blew each other up, the world would be safe.58

-I think war is a dangerous place.59

-The only way we can win is if we leave before the job is done.60

You know, when I campaigned here in 2000, I said I want to be a war President. No President wants to be a war President, but I am one.61

I hear there’s rumors on the Internets that we’re going to have a draft.62

After standing on the stage, after the debates, I made it very plain, we will not have an all-volunteer army. And yet, this week-we will have an all-volunteer army!63

Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we!64

It’s in our country’s interests to find those who would do harm to us and get them out of harm’s way.65

There’s no doubt in my mind that we should allow the world worst leaders to hold America hostage, to threaten our peace, to threaten our friends and allies with the world’s worst weapons.66

The vast majority of Iraqis want to live in a peaceful, free world. And we will find these people and we will bring them to justice!67

One year ago today, the time for excuse-making has come to an end!68

We cannot let terrorists and rogue nations hold this nation hostile or hold our allies hostile!69

You disarm. Or we will!70

My administration has been calling upon all the leaders in the Middle East to do everything they can to stop the violence, to tell the different parties involved that peace will never happen.71

I am an optimistic person. I guess if you want to try to find something to be pessimistic about, you can find it, no matter how hard you look, you know.72

See, free nations are peaceful nations. Free nations don’t attack each other. Free nations don’t develop weapons of mass destruction.73

My views are one that speaks to freedom.74

There’s nothing more deep than recognizing Israel’s right to exist. That’s the most deep thought of all. … I can’t think of anything more deep than that right.75

I’ve reminded the Prime Minister — the American people, Mr. Prime Minister, over the past months that it was not always a given that the United States and America would have a close relationship.76

I think — tide turning — see, as I remember — I was raised in the desert, but tides kind of — it’s easy to see a tide turn — did I say those words?77

It’ll take time to restore chaos and order.78

Out of the rubbles of Trent Lott’s house-he’s lost his entire house-there’s going to be a fantastic house. And I’m looking forward to sitting on the porch.79

I can’t wait to join you in the joy of welcoming neighbors back into neighborhoods, and small businesses up and running, and cutting those ribbons that somebody is creating new jobs.80

We want anybody who can find work to be able to find work.81

I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family!82

We ought to make the pie higher!83

The best way to relieve families from time is to let them keep some of their own money.84

It’s your money. You paid for it.85

In other words, I don’t think people ought to be compelled to make the decision which they think is best for their family.86

Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream!87

I hope the ambitious realize that they are more likely to succeed with success as opposed to failure.88

If you don’t have any ambitions, the minimum-wage job isn’t going to get you to where you want to get, for example. In other words, what is your ambitions? And oh, by the way, if that is your ambition, here’s what it’s going to take to achieve it:89

You work three jobs?… Uniquely American, isn’t it? I mean, that is fantastic that you’re doing that!90

This is what I’m good at. I like meeting people, my fellow citizens, I like interfacing with them.91

Let me make it very clear, poor people aren’t necessarily killers. Just because you happen to be not rich doesn’t mean you’re willing to kill.92

Not to dis my friend, Vice President Dick Cheney.93

Just remember it’s the birds that’s supposed to suffer, not the hunter.94

I’m glad my Vice President is not running for President. Not that he would make a great President.95

But here’s the thing:96

I think the president has to be smart.97

A leadership is someone who brings people together!98

The goals for this country are peace in the world. And the goals for this country are a compassionate American for every single citizen!99

We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor just like you like to be liked yourself!100

But in closing, the way I see it is I am a boon to the English language. I’ve coined new words, like, “misunderstanding” and “Hispanically”.101

Anybody who is in a position to serve this country ought to understand the consequences of words.102

I’m looking forward to a good night’s sleep on the soil of a friend.103

Thank you, and God bless America.

Where wings take dream!104
~ ~ ~ ~

Where Wings Take Dream:
An Inspirational Address to the Nation, by George W. Bush.
(Compiled entirely from Bush Quotes, by InnocentEnglish.com)

REFERENCES:

(A word from each quote is in parenthesis for easier tracking)

1 (Holiday) Fort Belvoir, Va., Dec. 10, 2004
2 (Frist) Nashville, Tenn., May 27, 2004
3 (good mom) St. Louis, Jan. 5, 2004
4 (Bill Scranton) Drexel Hill, Penn., Sept. 15, 2003
5 (UN senate) Aberdeen, S.D., Oct. 31, 2002
6 (UN Constitution) Aberdeen, S.D., Oct. 31, 2002
7 (raised) Los Angeles, as quoted in the Los Angeles Times, April 8, 2000
8 (brother Jeb) The NewsHour With Jim Lehrer, April 27, 2000
9 (sound west Texan) Hardball, MSNBC, May 31, 2000
10 (middle of desert) Washington, D.C., May 5, 2006
11 (proud man) Washington, D.C., July 2, 2001
12 (know what I believe) Rome, July 22, 2001
13 (can’t answer) Reynoldsburg, Ohio, Oct. 4, 2000
14 (ask questioners) Austin, Texas, Jan. 8, 2001
15 (hand shaked) the New York Times, Oct. 23, 1999
16 (answer bottom) as quoted by the Associated Press, April 26, 2000
17 (I suspect) Interview with the Washington Post, March 9, 2001
18 (in my state) Bridgeport, Conn., April 9, 2002
19 (faith based) Washington, D.C., Sept. 6, 2005
20 (priorities) Greensboro, N.C., Oct. 10, 2000
21 (charge to keep) During an interview with German newspaper reporter Kai Diekmann in the Oval Office, May 5, 2006
22 (people trust) Washington, D.C., Dec. 18, 2002
23 (trustworthiness) CNN online chat, Aug. 30, 2000
24 (Tennessee) Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002
25 (myth) Philadelphia, Dec. 12, 2005
26 (newspaper) Philadelphia, Dec. 12, 2005
27 (airport) Reagon National Airport, Oct 2, 2001
28 (OB/GYN) Sept. 6, 2004, Poplar Bluff, Mo
29 (own home) Cleveland, Ohio, July 1, 2002
30 (glance) Washington, D.C., Sept. 21, 2003
31 (analytical) Air Force One, June 4, 2003
32 (Commander) as quoted in Bob Woodward’s “Bush at War”
33 (George Washington) During an interview with German newspaper reporter Kai Diekmann in the Oval Office, May 5, 2006
34 (in this job) Washington, D.C., March 16, 2005
35 (legacies) Washington, D.C., Jan. 31, 2001
36 (never know) Washington, D.C., May 5, 2006
37 (best moment) on his best moment in office, interview with the German newspaper Bild am Sonntag, May 7, 2006
38 (chapter) Arlington Heights, Ill., Oct. 24, 2000
39 (past over) Dallas Morning News, May 10, 2000
40 (tough times) Waco, Texas, Aug. 13, 2002
41 (important) Arlington Heights, Ill., Oct. 24, 2000
42 (the google) interview with CNBC’s Maria Bartiromo, Oct. 24, 2006
43 (Wow) when shown a map of Brazil by Brazilian President Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva, Brasilia, Brazil, Nov. 6, 2005
44 (rank) Minneapolis, Minn., April 26, 2004
45 (state requirements) Washington, D.C., April 28, 2005
46 (teach child) Townsend, Tenn., Feb. 21, 2001
47 (learning) Florence, S.C., Jan. 11, 2000
48 (illiteracy) Washington, D.C., Jan. 23, 2004
49 (hopefuller) Washington, D.C., Jan. 11, 2001
50 (competitive) San Jose, Calif., April 21, 2006
51 (commerce) Quebec City, Canada, April 21, 2001
52(protected) Santiago, Chile, Nov. 20, 2004
53 (based policy) Irvine, California, Apr. 24, 2006
54 (coal) Washington, D.C., June 8, 2005
55 (violate) Tucson, Ariz., Nov. 28, 2005
56 (Africa nation) Gothenburg, Sweden, June 14, 2001
57 (alliances) Tokyo, Japan, Feb. 18, 2002
58 (blow up) Washington, D.C., May 1, 2001
59 (dangerous) Washington, D.C., May 7, 2003
60 (win) Nov. 3, 2006, Colorado.
61 (war president) Des Moines, Iowa, Oct. 26, 2006
62 (draft) St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004
63 (volunteer) Daytona Beach, Fla., Oct. 16, 2004
64 (enemies) Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004
65 (harm) Washington, D.C., April 28, 2005
66 (no doubt) South Bend, Ind., Sept. 5, 2002
67 (vast) Washington, D.C., Oct. 27, 2003
68 (year ago) Washington, D.C., Jan. 8, 2003
69 (hostile) Des Moines, Iowa, Aug. 21, 2000
70 (disarm) Manchester, N.H., Oct. 5,
71 (administration) Crawford, Texas, Aug, 13, 2001
72 (optimistic) Washington, D.C., June 15, 2004
73 (free nations) Milwaukee, Wis., Oct 3, 2003.
74 (views) Washington, D.C., Jan. 29, 2004
75 (Israel) Washington, D.C., March 13, 2002
76 (Prime Minister) Washington, D.C., June 29, 2006
77 (tide turning) Washington, D.C., June 14, 2006
78 (chaos) Washington, D.C., April 13, 2003
79 (Trent) Mobile, Ala., Sept. 2, 2005
80 (jobs) Poplarville, Miss., Sept. 5, 2005
81 (work) 60 Minutes II, Dec. 5, 2000
82 (family) Greater Nashua, N.H., Jan. 27, 2000
83 (pie) South Carolina Republican Debate, Feb. 15, 2000
84 (keep money) Westminster, Calif., Sept. 13, 2000
85 (your money) LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000
86 (decision) Washington, D.C., Dec. 11, 2002
87 (wings) LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000
88 (success) Interview with the Associated Press, Jan. 18, 2001
89 (ambitions) Speech to students in Little Rock, Ark., Aug. 29, 2002
90 (fantastic) to a divorced mother of three, Omaha, Nebraska, Feb.4 2005
91(interfacing) Pittsburgh, Sept. 8, 2000
92 (killers) Washington, D.C., May 19, 2003
93 (dis) Stralsund, Germany, July 13, 2006
94 (hunting) Roswell, N.M., Jan. 22, 2004
95 (I’m glad) http://www.whitehouse.gov/news/releases/2006/04/20060410-1.html
96 (here’s) Larry King Live, Dec. 30, 2000
97 (smart) Larry King Live, Dec. 30, 2000
98 (leadership) Bartlett, Tenn., Aug. 18, 2000
99 (goals) Washington, D.C., Dec. 19, 2002
100 (call) South Carolina, as quoted in the Financial Times, Jan. 14, 2000
101 (coined) Radio-Television Correspondents Assoc. dinner, Washington, D.C., March 29, 2001
102 (words) interview with Rush Limbaugh, Nov. 1, 2006
103 (soil) Washington D.C., June 29, 2005
104 (wings) LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000

Page Topic: George Bush Inspirational Speech

InnocentEnglish.com’s list of the best, worst, funniest, saddest and most unfortunate Bushisms from 2006.

1. “That’s George Washington, the first president, of course. The interesting thing about him is that I read three — three or four books about him last year. Isn’t that interesting?” — During an interview with German newspaper reporter Kai Diekmann in the Oval Office, May 5, 2006

2. “I would say the best moment of all was when I caught a 7.5 pound largemouth bass in my lake.” — On his best moment in office, interview with the German newspaper Bild am Sonntag, May 7, 2006

3. “You know, when I campaigned here in 2000, I said, I want to be a war President. No President wants to be a war President, but I am one.” — Des Moines, Iowa, Oct. 26, 2006

4. “The only way we can win is to leave before the job is done.” –Regarding Iraq, ,Greeley, Colo., Nov. 4, 2006

5. “This morning my administration released the budget numbers for fiscal 2006. These budget numbers are not just estimates; these are the actual results for the fiscal year that ended February the 30th.” –On the fiscal year that ended on Sept. 30, Washington, D.C., Oct. 11, 2006

6. “I think, tide turning– see, as I remember, I was raised in
the desert, but tides kind of — it’s easy to see a tide turn. Did I say those words?” — Responding to whether the tide was turning in Iraq, Washington, D.C., June 14, 2006

7. “That’s called, A Charge To Keep, based upon a religious hymn. The hymn talks about serving God. The president’s job is never to promote a religion.” — During an interview with German newspaper reporter Kai Diekmann in the Oval Office, May 5, 2006

8. “People don’t need to worry about security. This deal wouldn’t go forward if we were concerned about the security for the United States of America.” — On handing over U.S. port security to a United Arab Emerates company, Washington, D.C., Feb. 23, 2006

9. “You never know what your history is going to be like until long after you’re gone.” — Washington, D.C., May 5, 2006

10.”I’ve reminded the prime minister– the American people, Mr. Prime Minister, over the past months that it was not always a given that the United States and America would have a close relationship.” Washington, D.C., June 29, 2006

Dishonorable mention: A few runner ups for the Best (and worst) Bush quotes of 2006

“Anybody who is in a position to serve this country ought to understand the consequences of words.”– Interview with Rush Limbaugh, Nov. 1, 2006

“You know, one of the hardest parts of my job is to connect Iraq to the war on terror.” –George W. Bush, interview with CBS News’ Katie Couric, Sept. 6, 2006

“The point now is how do we work together to achieve important goals. And one such goal is a democracy in Germany.” —George W. Bush, D.C., May 5, 2006

“I’m the decider, and I decide what is best. And what’s best is for Don Rumsfeld to remain as the Secretary of Defense.” —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C. April 18, 2006

“People don’t need to worry about security. This deal wouldn’t go forward if we were concerned about the security for the United States of America.” —George W. Bush, on the deal to hand over U.S. port security to a company operated by the United Arab Emirates, Washington, D.C., Feb. 23, 2006

“He was a state sponsor of terror. In other words, the government had declared, you are a state sponsor of terror.” —George W. Bu sh, on Saddam Hussein, Manhattan, Kan., Jan. 23, 2006

2. “I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.” – Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

3. “We’re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.” – Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks.

4. “I’ve won at every level, except college and pro.”
-Shaquille O’Neal, on his lack of championships.

5. “I quit school in the sixth grade because of pneumonia. Not because I had it, but because I couldn’t spell it.”
-Boxing great Rocky Graziano

6. “I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father”
-Greg Norman

7. “I’m rich. What am I supposed to do, hide it?”
-Detroit Tiger Lou Whitaker, arriving in a stretch limo for a players’ union meeting during the 1994 baseball strike.

8. “The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing.”
Dizzy Dean explaining how he felt after being hit on the head by a ball in the 1934 World Series.

9. “I can play in the center, on the right, and occasionally on the left side.” – soccer star David Beckham, asked if he was a “volatile” player.

10. “Half this game is ninety per cent mental.” – Danny Ozark, Philadelphia Phillies manager.

Honorable mention:

“There is one word in America that says it all, and that word is, ‘You never know.’”
-Pitcher Joaquin Andujar

“That’s why I don’t talk. Because I talk too much.”
-Joaquin Andujar

“When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire.”

“H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water”

“To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube”

“When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide”

“Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state”

“Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.”

“Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars.”

“Blood flows down one leg and up the other.”

“Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration.”

“The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader.”

“Artifical insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.”

“Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.”

“A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.”

“Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.”

“The body consists of three parts- the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowls, of which there are five – a, e, i, o, and u.”

“The pistol of a flower is its only protections against insects.”

“The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana.”

“The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have ben taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to.”

“A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors.”

“The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.”

“A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.”

“Many women belive that an alcoholic binge will have no ill effects on the unborn fetus, but that is a large misconception.”

“Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa.”

“Germinate: To become a naturalized German.”

“Liter: A nest of young puppies.”

“Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat.”

“Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.”

“Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky.”

“Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.”

“Vacumm: A large, empty space where the pope lives.”

“Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.”

“To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.”

“For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until the heart stops.”

“For drowning: Climb on top of the person and move up and down to make artifical perspiration.”

“For fainting: Rub the person’s chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest medical doctor.”

“For dog bite: put the dog away for sevral days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.”

“For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.”

“To prevent contraception: wear a condominium.”

“For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.”

“To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow.”

Water freezes at 32 degrees and boils at 212 degrees. There are 180 degrees between freezing and boiling because there are 180 degrees between north and south.

A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.

There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered. Finding them all means living forever.

There is a tremendous weight pushing down on the center of the Earth because of so much population stomping around up here these days.

Lime is a green-tasting rock.

Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred
to be oil.

Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you don’t why you should.

Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they’re there.

Some oxygen molecules help fires burn while others help make water, so sometimes it’s brother against brother.

Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make out the numbers.

We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.

To most people solutions mean finding the answers. But to chemists solutions are things that are still all mixed up.

In looking at a drop of water under a microscope, we find there are twice as many H’s as O’s.

Clouds are high flying fogs.

I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing.

Clouds just keep circling the earth around and around. And around. There is not much else to do.

Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dogs tongue will kill the strongest man.

A blizzard is when it snows sideways.

A monsoon is a French gentleman.

Thunder is a rich source of loudness.

Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names sound.

It is so hot in some places that the people there have to live in other places.

Wind is like the air, only pushier.

The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared.

I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfires and burnt my knob off.

This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door.

The toilet seat is cracked: where do I stand?

I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall.

I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

Will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk? Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant.

Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like a third, so will you please send someone to do something about it.

Could you please send someone to fix our bath tap? My wife got her toe stuck in it and it is very uncomfortable for us.

50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy

Will you please send a man to look at my water. It is a funny color and not fit to drink.

It’s the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow

I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

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Page Topic: Funny letters to landlords