Every day Innocentenglish.com posts 2 new funny signs and a funny quick break post. This Quick Break section has today’s quick break plus previous ones, so you can browse thru any you missed.

Funny Signs of the Day

Now Today’s Daily Quick Break:

You’ve probably seen some of these classic dumb, stupid and funny warning labels and product instructions  before.  Some are painfully obvious, some don’t quite master the English language, and others are unintended double meanings…  Most are pretty darn funny.   So, in case you missed any, here is a collection of the stupidest and funniest warning labels, most verified as authentic.

Funny, Dumb and Stupid Warning Labels

Do not use while sleeping.
Sears hair dryer

You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
Bag of Fritos

Use like regular soap.
Dial soap

Serving suggestion: Defrost.
Swann frozen dinner

Fits one head.
Shower cap box

Do not turn upside down.
Bottom of Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert box

To read the rest, go to: Stupid and Funny Warning Labels and Product Instructions

Every day Innocentenglish.com posts 2 new funny signs and a funny quick break post. This Quick Break section has today’s quick break plus previous ones, so you can browse thru any you missed.

Funny Signs of the Day

Now Today’s Daily Quick Break:

 
 
InnocentEnglish.com was able to track down this rare English to Southern Dictionary, which, incomplete though it is, may help to unlock at least a small portion of the mystery that is Southspeak. In much the same way that Canada, primarily an English speaking country, has pockets in which French is spoken, The United States has pockets in the South in which a very different language is spoken. That language has a variety of dialects, but all are more similar to each other than to English. This can pose difficulties for those who don’t speak Southern but who travel to that region. To make matters more challenging, most Southerners are able to understand standard English, and may wonder if those who can’t understand them are perhaps a little dim.
 
 
While some Southerners are suspicious of those who speak other languages, such as standard English, many are very hospitable and happy to accommodate non-native Southern speakers to the best of their ability. It is a little known fact, outside of the South, that Southerners only speak slowly and loudly to those from other regions in order to help them understand Southspeak. It may come as a surprise that when only Southerners are present, they tend to speak much more quickly, as everyone present can understand their language. (This fact is so little known primarily because, due to economic employment migration patterns, it is extremely rare for Southerners to be in a situation in which all those who are present are truly Southern, and even when this rare event occurs, the slow speaking becomes rather habitual.)
One of the few times one has the opportunity to hear the natural rate of Southern speakers is at Southern auctions, because of a long standing tradition (since the Civil War) of Southern auctioneers to not “dumb it down for the Yanks” in order to give Southerners participating in the auction the advantage.
 
 
Southern (Southspeak) to English dictionary:
 
 
HEIDI (noun) — Greeting.
 
HIRE YEW (noun with verb) — Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting.
Usage “Heidi, hire yew?”

To read the rest, go to: Innocent English’s Southern Translation Dictionary

Every day Innocentenglish.com posts 2 new funny signs and a funny quick break post. This Quick Break section has today’s quick break plus previous ones, so you can browse thru any you missed.

Funny Signs of the Day

Now Today’s Daily Quick Break:

An Inspirational Address to the Nation
By George W. Bush

Compiled entirely out of actual Bush quotes, by InnocentEnglish.com

My Fellow Americans,

During these holiday seasons, we thank our blessings.1

I want to thank my friend, Senator Bill Frist, for joining us today. … He married a Texas girl, I want you to know. Karyn is with us. A West Texas girl, just like me.2

Thank you for reminding me about the importance of being a good mom and a great volunteer as well.3

I’m so pleased to be able to say hello to Bill Scranton. He’s one of the great Pennsylvania political families.4

I’m looking forward to working with him in the United Nations Senate.

To read the rest, go to: Where Wings Take Dream

Every day Innocentenglish.com posts 2 new funny signs and a funny quick break post. This Quick Break section has today’s quick break plus previous ones, so you can browse thru any you missed.

Funny Signs of the Day

Now Today’s Daily Quick Break:

Bloopers based on Actual Court Room Transcripts and Trial Records.

Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first

marriage terminated?

By death.

And by whose death was it terminated?

Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?

No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region.

What is your name?

Ernestine McDowell.

To read the rest, go to: Funny Courtroom Mistakes

Every day Innocentenglish.com posts 2 new funny signs and a funny quick break post. This Quick Break section has today’s quick break plus previous ones, so you can browse thru any you missed.

Funny Signs of the Day

Now Today’s Daily Quick Break:

 
 
Check out some of the funniest clean jokes on the internet.
 
 
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young engineer who was fresh out of MIT, “What starting salary were you thinking about?” The Engineer said, “In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.” The interviewer said, “Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years – say, a red Corvette?” The Engineer sat up straight and said, “Wow! Are you kidding?” The interviewer replied, “Yeah, but you started it.”
 
 
“An abstract noun,” the teacher said, “is something you can think of, but you can’t touch it. Can you give me an example of one?”
“Sure,” a teenage boy replied. “My father’s new car.”
 
 
There were these two cows, chatting over the fence between their fields. The first cow said, “I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm.” The other cow replies, “I ain’t worried, it don’t affect us ducks.”
 
 
When the waitress in a New York City restaurant brought him the soup du jour, the Englishman was a bit dismayed. “Good heavens,” he said, “what is this?

To read the rest, go to: Clean Jokes

Every day Innocentenglish.com posts 2 new funny signs and a funny quick break post. This Quick Break section has today’s quick break plus previous ones, so you can browse thru any you missed.

Funny Signs of the Day

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Here are a few excerpts of funny letters to landlords.

The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared.

I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfires and burnt my knob off.

This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door.

The toilet seat is cracked: where do I stand?

I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall.

I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

To read the rest, go to: Funny letters to landlords

Every day Innocentenglish.com posts 2 new funny signs and a funny quick break post. This Quick Break section has today’s quick break plus previous ones, so you can browse thru any you missed.

Funny Signs of the Day

Now Today’s Daily Quick Break:

And Slogan Mis-translations from American Advertising Compaigns in Other Countries and languages

In Taiwan, the translation of the Pepsi slogan
Come alive with the Pepsi Generation
came out in Chinese as Pepsi will bring your
ancestors back from the grave.

When Parker Pen marketed a ballpoint pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to say It won’t leak in your pocket and embarrass you. However, the company mistakenly thought the Spanish word embarazar meant embarrass.
Instead the ads said:

It won’t leak in your pocket and make you pregnant.

Frank Perdue’s slogan It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken sounds much more interesting in Spanish. A photo of Perdue with one of his chickens appeared on billboards all over Mexico with a caption that explained:

It takes a hard man to make a chicken aroused (or)

It takes a sexually stimulated man to
make a chicken affectionate.

To read the rest, go to: Funny Ad Campaign Blunders

Every day Innocentenglish.com posts 2 new funny signs and a funny quick break post. This Quick Break section has today’s quick break plus previous ones, so you can browse thru any you missed.

Funny Signs of the Day

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Here are some more of the of the best funny thoughts

We all can’t be heroes. Somebody has to sit on the sides and clap as they go by.

We found Jesus – he was behind the sofa all along.

We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

Welcome to Hell. Here’s your copy of Windows ME.

Welcome what you can’t avoid.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

What the hell, go ahead and put all your eggs in one basket.

What we anticipate seldom occurs; what we least expect generally happens.

When I am sad, I sing, and then the world is sad with me.

To read the rest, go to: Funny thoughts 10: Some of the best funny thoughts

Every day Innocentenglish.com posts 2 new funny signs and a funny quick break post. This Quick Break section has today’s quick break plus previous ones, so you can browse thru any you missed.

Funny Signs of the Day

Now Today’s Daily Quick Break:

InnocentEnglish.com’s list of the best, worst, funniest, saddest and most unfortunate Bushisms from 2006.

1. “That’s George Washington, the first president, of course. The interesting thing about him is that I read three — three or four books about him last year. Isn’t that interesting?” — During an interview with German newspaper reporter Kai Diekmann in the Oval Office, May 5, 2006

2. “I would say the best moment of all was when I caught a 7.5 pound largemouth bass in my lake.” — On his best moment in office, interview with the German newspaper Bild am Sonntag, May 7, 2006

3. “You know, when I campaigned here in 2000, I said, I want to be a war President. No President wants to be a war President, but I am one.” — Des Moines, Iowa, Oct. 26, 2006

4. “The only way we can win is to leave before the job is done.” –Regarding Iraq, ,Greeley, Colo., Nov. 4, 2006

To read the rest, go to: Top 10 Bushisms of 2006

Every day Innocentenglish.com posts 2 new funny signs and a funny quick break post. This Quick Break section has today’s quick break plus previous ones, so you can browse thru any you missed.

Funny Signs of the Day

Now Today’s Daily Quick Break:

Here are more funny, cute, clever and witty bumper stickers and one liners:

Honk If Anything Falls Off.

Cover Me, I’m Changing Lanes.

I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed
Person.

You! Out Of The Gene Pool – Now!

I Do Whatever My R ice Krispies Tell Me To.

Fight Crime: Shoot Back!

If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over…
(Seen Upside Down On A Jeep)

Stop Lights Timed For 35 mph
Also Are Timed For 70 mph

To read the rest, go to: More Funny, Cute, Clever and Witty Bumper Stickers