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Top Ten Things You Never Hear In Church Joke: List of the Top 10 Things One Never Hears in Church

Zzzzzz….snrk, huh wha? Oh yea ….amen. Church can make me sleepy at times, no offense. I grew up in a religiously church going family (no pun intended) and still go with them when I visit home. I’ve heard practically every variation of a sermon possible at this point and after a while it all just blends together. You can only here so many orations on how to love your neighbor before things fuse. For the life of me though, I swear I’ve never heard any these phrases listed below uttered in the hallowed halls of my local church. They’ve just never come up….

10. Hey! It’s my turn to sit in the front pew.

9. I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes over time.

8. Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf.

7. I’ve decided to give our church the $500 a month I used to send to TV evangelists.

6. I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior High Sunday School class.

5. Forget the denominational minimum salary, let’s pay our pastor so he can live like we do.

4. I love it when we sing hymns I’ve never heard before!

3. Since we’re all here, let’s start the service early.

2. Pastor, we’d like to send you to this Bible seminar in the Bahamas.

1. Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like our annual stewardship campaign!

Check out my friend’s bible blog with some cool stuff on it.

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Comments

3 Responses to “Top Ten Things You Never Hear In Church Joke: List of the Top 10 Things One Never Hears in Church””

  1. charles Says:
    December 29th, 2009 at 11:45 am

    If I had a nickel for everytime Ive heard one of those lines in church Id have zero nickels.

  2. kevin aaron@ west point Says:
    January 26th, 2010 at 1:05 pm

    i concur

  3. Lulu Says:
    July 2nd, 2010 at 10:45 am

    HaHA!! I have been “guilty” of saying #4 and #9…and I’ve been present when certain persons who shall not be named have said #3! ARGH…God bless ‘em. 3-)

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