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Funny Peter Kay jokes: Quotes, questions and one liners from comedian Peter kay

Here are some funny Peter Kay Comedian quotes, questions and one liner, by comedian Peter Kay.

I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with ‘Guess’ on it. I said, Thyroid problem?

Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names. But one day I turned to my bullies and said – ‘Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me’, and it worked! From there on it was sticks and stones all the way.

Sex is like a game of bridge: If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.

 If we aren’t supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat? 

You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither.

Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you get undressed?

If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth?
 
Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, ‘My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic’?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why does mineral water that ‘has trickled through mountains for centuries’ have a ‘use by’ date?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp no one would eat?

Is French kissing in France just called kissing?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, ‘I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out’?

What do people in China call their good plates?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

What do you call male ballerinas?

 If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

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One Response to “Funny Peter Kay jokes: Quotes, questions and one liners from comedian Peter kay””

1. clint Says:
   December 14th, 2008 at 6:02 pm

   you mama so dum when she saw a bus she yelled stop that twinkie

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Section: Funny Jokes by Stand Up Comedians