Innocent English

The first time I saw you,

dancing on that beach,

your dress blowing in the cool evening breeze,

I walked up to you, and looked into your blue diamond eyes.

And deep inside I knew…

You’d be a good shag.

Guess you can’t always trust your intuition. Bummer about the condom. Guess we should get married now, huh?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~
For Our Anniversary.

I always dreamed, one day
I’d meet my true soul mate

Then I finally gave up that stupid fantasy
and reluctantly settled for you.

And you know what?
All in all, it hasn’t been
that much worse than I had expected.

And sometimes I even kind love you,
in a platonic, sibling-ish kind of way…

So Anyway, Happy Anniversary.

I just wanted to say,
From the bottom of my heart
I’m so, so deeply, deeply sorry…

That I put up with your freaking b.s. so long.

Bye bye.

There comes a time in every man’s life
when he must choose-

to keep being as a boy-
just living selfishly
for what he wants at the time,

or to finally stand up, take a stand, and say
“Yes. I will commit to this. I will give my best to make this work, and to raise a family and to be a loving husband and father.
I am ready to step into being
the man I can become.”

I have come to that fork in the road.
And there is no turning back…

So I left you.
Took off to Vegas with a new car and a new “friend”.
(And you thought I couldn’t make decisions!)

For Our Anniversary…

I love you, just as you are.

So this coupon for breast implants is only for YOUR self esteem, and only if YOU feel the need to be sexy and attractive to me and other men.

(don’t worry, they were having a sale: Buy one get one free)

You can Thank me AFTER you get them! : )

On our Anniversary,
Something Special…
I’ve been keeping this a secret, but now, on our anniversary, I’m ready to tell you a big surprise: For the last year, I’ve been saving up and planning a romantic second Honeymoon in the Bahamas!

Unfortunately, the law says I can’t really do that until you and I are divorced. So good luck with everything, and please sign these papers I filed yesterday ASAP.

P.S. She’s really sweet.
She’s just like a younger, funner, less jaded version of you. : )
(Then again, she IS your sister…)

I’ll always remember the evening we met.

When my eyes saw the most beautiful girl
I’d ever seen. My heart pounding,
I walked up to an angel. I asked her to dance.
She looked at me, with such lovely eyes, smiled, and took my hand. Then she grabbed your hand, put them together, and said “You must be joking. But she probably would.” And that night, through the magic of a thunder storm, my mom’s van and quite a bit of beer, our family was born.

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1. Anonymous Says:
   September 3rd, 2008 at 5:58 pm

   how nice

2. Eslhismf Says:
   December 13th, 2008 at 12:18 pm

   Thanks!,

3. allison Says:
   March 9th, 2009 at 6:15 pm

   i love your heart!

4. Qwadromen Says:
   March 30th, 2009 at 9:45 pm

   Решил поделится своими наблюдениями :) И рассказать о своем казусе.
   Я очень люблю ездить по области , конечно же в этом деле мне помогают[url=http://gpsnn.ru]gps навигаторы[/url]. Однако этот случай мне доказал, что слепо верить спутникам не всегда нужно ))
   ПСЫ. Лучше всего смотреть обновления на [url=http://gpsnn.ru]gpsnn.ru[/url]

   Как то еду я по бездорожью. Смотрю – на жпс приемнике дорога есть! Ну и поехал я, не снижая скорости. И что вы думаете?) Глядя на экран навигатора, а не на дорогу, Я УГОДИЛ ПРЯМО Ð’ ОГРОМНУЮ ЛУЖУ. И потом долго не смог выехать) Слава Богу КРАЗ проезжал, так вытащил он меня.

   В общем делитесь своими историями, какие анекдоты с GPS у вас происходили ?) Посмеемся вместе ))

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