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Christmas Jokes for Kids: Kids’ Safe Christmas Jokes

Ho Ho Hooooly crap, is it Christmas already!? It is funny how the holidays sneak up on us. All the Christmas gifts, the shopping, the wrapping of presents, we can forget about the little tykes in our lives. Kids deserve jokes too! Below you’ll find a nice long list of clean jokes for kids, each one vetted by our excellent staff. So let’s break out the eggnog and get a good bit of holiday cheer on and have some good clean fun. Remember to turn down the lights and light the candles! Our family and friends are the reason for the season!

Q. What kind of bird can write?
A. A pen-guin

Q. What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective?
A. Santa Clues!

Q. What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
A. Its Christmas, Eve.

Q. Why does Santa Claus like to work in the garden?
A. Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe!

Q. What happened when the snowwoman got angry at the snowman?
A. She gave him the cold shoulder.

Q. What do snowmen wear on their heads?
A. Ice caps.

Q. How do sheep say Merry Christmas in Mexico?
A. Fleece Navidad!

Q. What is a snowman’s favorite lunch?
A. An Iceberger!

Q. What do vampires put on their Christmas turkey?
A. Grave-y.

Q. What did the ghost say to Santa Claus?
A. I’ll have a boo Christmas without you.

Q. What do you call a snowman party?
A. A Snowball!

Q. What did the Gingerbread Man put on his bed?
A. A cookie sheet!

Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a shark?
A. Frost bite!

Q. What do you call an Eskimo cow?
A. An Eskimoo.

Q. How is the Christmas alphabet different from the ordinary alphabet?
A. The Christmas alphabet has NO EL.

Q. What do the elves sing to Santa Claus on his birthday?
A. Freeze a jolly good fellow . . .

Q. What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmastime?
A. Sandy Claws!

Q. Why are Christmas trees such bad knitters?
A. They are always dropping their needles.

Q. What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas?
A. Thanks, I’ll never part with it!

Q. Why did they let the turkey join the band?
A. Because he had the drum sticks.

Q. What do you when if you cross an apple with a Christmas tree?
A. A pineapple.

Q. What did the big candle say to the little candle?
A. I’m going out tonight.

Q. Why wasn’t the turkey hungry at Christmas time?
A. He was stuffed!

Q. Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?
A. Because it soots him.

Q. What kind of ball doesn’t bounce?
A. A snowball!

Q. What’s the best thing to put into Christmas pie?
A. Your teeth!

Q. What do you get when you eat the Christmas decorations?
A. Tinsel-itus.

Q. Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?
A. Because every buck is dear to him.

Q. If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?
A. Missletoe!

Q. What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
A. Claustrophobic.

Q. What does Santa like to eat?
A. A jolly roll.

Q. How does Santa take pictures?
A. With his North Pole-aroid.

Q. What’s white and goes up?
A. A confused snowflake!

Q. What do you call an old snowman?
A. Water!

Q. What do you sing at a snowman’s birthday party?
A. Freeze a jolly good fellow!

Q. What goes: now you see me, now you don’t; now you see me, now you don’t?
A. A snowman on a zebra crossing!

Q. What goes ho-ho whoosh, ho-ho whoosh?
A. Santa caught in a revolving door!

Q. What goes “oh, oh, oh”?
A. Santa walking backwards!

Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Snow.
Snow who?
Snow use – I’ve forgotten my name again!

Q. Why does Santa have three gardens?
A. So he can ho ho ho!

Q. When does Christmas come before Thanksgiving?
A. In the dictionary!

Q. What’s the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
A. The Christmas one has no L (noel)!

Q. What do you have in December that’s not in any other month?
A. The letter D!

Q. Why is it always cold at Christmas?
A. Because it’s in Decemberrrr!

Q. What Christmas carol is a favorite of parents?
A. Silent Night!

Q. What’s impossible to overtake at Christmas?
A. The three wide men!

Q. Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A. A mince spy!

Q. How does a snowman lose weight?
A. He waits for the weather to get warmer!

Q. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A. Frosted flakes!

Q. What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
A. Can you smell carrot?

Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A. Frostbite!

Q. Where do snowmen go to dance?
A. A snow ball!

Q. How many presents can Santa fit in an empty sack?
A. Only one, after that it’s not empty anymore!

Q. What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
A. Tinselitus!

Q. How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?
A. Deep and crisp and even!

Q. What carol is heard in the dessert?
A. Camel ye faithful!

Q. What do monkeys sing at Christmas?
A. Jungle bells, jungle bells!

Q. What does a cat on the beach have in common with Christmas?
A. Sandy claws!

Q. What is Santa’s dog called?
A. Santa Paws!

Q. Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
A. Santa Jaws!

Q. What do you get if you cross Santa Claus with a detective?
A. Santa Clues!

Q. What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when the fire is lit?
A. Crisp Cringle!

Q. What do you call Santa Claus when he doesn’t move?
A. Santa Pause!

Q. How do sheep greet each other at Christmas?
A. A merry Christmas to ewe!

Q. What do you get if you cross an apple with a Christmas tree?
A. A pineapple!

Q. What kind of candle burns longer, a red candle or a green candle?
A. Neither, candles always burn shorter!

Q. Why are turkeys wiser than chickens?
A. Ever heard of Kentucky Fried Turkey?

Q. What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar at Christmas?
A. He got 12 months!

Q. What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
A. Claustrophobic!

Q. Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters?
A. They both drop needles!

Q. What often falls at the North Pole but never gets hurt?
A. Snow!

Q. What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A. A broken drum – you can’t beat it!

Page Topic: Christmas Jokes for Kids

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Comments

2 Responses to “Christmas Jokes for Kids: Kids’ Safe Christmas Jokes””

  1. creativez Says:
    June 30th, 2009 at 1:58 pm

    Super idea ! great , thanks !

  2. Anonymous Says:
    May 23rd, 2010 at 5:07 am

    oh god, CORNY JOKES ALERT!!!

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